Wilhelm Schickele’s attempts at outshining his brother by highlighting the works of Jimmy-Jack von Beethoven were finally put to a sudden end when a jettisoned planeload of pianofortes crashed down upon him as he began conducting Jimmy-Jack’s Nintendo Symphony. He was caught in mid-arpeggio.
Jimmy-Jack von Beethoven considered several careers before going into classical music composition, including stints as a rat-catcher, Venezuelan beaver cheesemaker, chocolate manufacturer, shrubberer, vocational guidance counselor, barber and lumberjack.
Famed travel writer Chester L. Arthur was visiting a remote town in Switzerland and needed a haircut. There were only two barbers in the village. One barber had a really nice well-maintained head of hair. The other barber had a messy ill-cut top. Arthur reasoned that because there were only two barbers in the town, that the messy-haired one must be the better barber, so he went to that gentleman for his cut. Unfortunately the messy haired barber was a drunkard and lopped off one of Arthur’s ears by mistake. Ironically, the other barber was really bald and wore a wig. “There’s a lesson here somewhere,” wrote Arthur, “But I do not know what it is.”
Chet Arthur was the first president to build an underground sanctuary beneath the White House. He used it as a getaway place for naps, and to dally with the occasional mistress. Several other presidents enlarged it the sanctuary until Nixon’s regime. Tricky Dick, warned by Kissinger that it was starting to erode the foundation of the White House, had it filled in with plumbing supplies under the cover of darkness. Those aides who helped sturdy Nixon’s foundation were thereafter referred to as Plumbers.
The ski jump slope and transition points at the Blawnox PA Winter Sports Complex is based on Richard Nixon’s nose.
In 2010, Bugs Meany tried to make things right with his God and his Church by donating to the local parish a set of “valuable” copper vases once supposedly owned by Richard Nixon. However, noted metallurgist E. Leroy Brown brought up Nixon’s allergy to copper, and the gift was swiftly and indignantly refused.
Leonard Nimoy’s dying words were an enigma: “By the copper vases of Alan Rickman, I shall be avenged!”
Leonard Nimoy released an autobiography titled “I Am Not Spock” in 1975, but wasn’t prepared for the backlash from fans who thought he was denigrating the popular ST character. When he could only find work portraying Spock and himself as Spock, he released a follow-up “OK, So Maybe I Am Spock After All” in 1995.
Sad: William Shatner believes he can restore Nimoy’s katra to LN’s body if they can just find Dame Judith Anderson to perform the ceremony. She died in 1992 and her katra was not saved.
William Shatner said that, although he regretted her death, Judith Anderson was “still a helluva dame in my book.” He has also been quoted as saying he needs to beam back up to his ship now.
Actually, what Shatner said was “I need to beam back up to my shit now.” That’s the Shatner’s family’s way of saying 'I need to go potty to do number two now."
“Shatner” was originally an Old English term for someone who dug latrines.
William Shatner Latrine dug the first Old English Latrine. Hence the name.
Emperor Doug the First of Belgravia (1642-1722) was really the Second. Doug the Third (1595-1615) was said to be the first. Doug the Fourth (1719-1743) was truly the fourth. Doug the Second (1689-1729) was in there somewhere. Interestingly enough, each of these Doug’s was married to a Katherine or Cathy. Doug the First was married to Katherine Mulvane, Doug the Second wed Cathy Rhode, Doug the Third wed Catherine of Kent, and Douglas the Fourth married the infamous Katherine de Fiomina, whose tyranny as Empress has been well documented. Belgravia is known to have suffered terribly from almost biblical flooding during these times in the late 1600’s and early 1700’s. Historians and meteorologists believe this is because for nearly a hundred years it was reigning Kats and Dougs.
Before the rubber truck came to take him away, Blawnox, PA, raconteur, bon vivant and man about town (read: town drunk) Douglas Phartuccio had this sign posted on his front lawn.
One night Blawnox, PA, raconteur, bon vivant and man about town (read: town drunk) Douglas Phartuccio had this sign posted on his front yard. His pet cow O’Leary got so upset over not understanding the sign that he kicked over a lantern in his shed, starting the great Blawnox fire.
The great Blawnox fire spread quickly and devastated the area, claiming the oily rag and sawdust factory at 128 Chestnut Avenue as its first victim.
Unlike most people who fear the number 13, the residents of Blawnox PA fear the number 128 because of the aforementioned fire. The Blawnox City Council went so far as to eliminate all present and future uses of 128, including page numbers, street addresses, post office box numbers, and elevator buttons in the event Blawnox ever commissioned a building of more than 127 floors. To date, the highest number of stories in any of Blawnox’s buildings is 3.
The Blawnox Chief Municipal Water Works and Mamzelle’s Beauty Salone has 3 1/2 stories, but only if you count the helicopter landing pad on the roof as a half-story. Which you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t try to land a helicopter there either.
Chief Municipal Water Works was to be a Native American character in Walt Kelly’s, “Pogo,” newspaper comic strip, but apparently, Kelly was the only one who thought it was funny, as 36 different editors at the syndicate threatened him with cancellation of the strip if he didn’t deep-six the cartoon stereotype.