Other regional methods of execution include the Harvard Yard, the Tennessee Top Hat, and the San Francisco Treat.
The Cleveland Steamer is not a form of execution, but you’ll probably end up dead, anyway.
Although not a form of execution, the Cleveland Steamer was executed nine times at the peak of its heyday, from March 26, 1962 to June 13, 1988.
June 13, 1988, a day that will live in famy. For 'twas upon that day of days, in the small sparkling village of Glenglennyglen, Czernostan, that the thrice-beloved schoolteacher Mary Margaret Whiting Wilson was born. After her tumultuous childhood traveling through the more wartorn parts of geography, her father finally brought her to Ellis Island, where a confused immigrant intaker (though kind of heart), bestowed upon her the name we all know and cherish.
Glenglennyglen, Czernostan is a sister city to Blawnox, Pennsylvania, but municipal officials of both strenuously deny any such connection if asked by the press. “But it says so right on your website,” complained New York Times reporter James Schelling in a video which went viral earlier this week.
“Lalalalalalala I can’t hear you,” replied Blawnox public-affairs director Barbara Mulholland-Phartuccio, pushing him out of her office.
Naples, Italy is the aunt city of Asheville, North Carolina. Pratts Bottom, England is the uncle city to Cleveland, Ohio. Rooty City, Australia is the mother-in-law city of Cincinnati, Ohio. Indeed we are all a big family, according to certain cartography scholars. Other uncertain cartography scholars are perplexed.
Dmitri McDougall Wu, chairman of the board of the International Consortium of Perplexed Cartographers, LLC, hasn’t known where he was since 1957. He has spectacularly failed to attend even one meeting of the board, which seems to suit them very well.
Dmitri McDougall Wu, scion of the famous Moscow, Belfast and Shanghai media clan, is said to have entirely lost his sense of spatial awareness when he was kicked in the head by a Lombardy Pudding Elk at his eighth birthday party in Terre Haute, Ind. on February 31, 1957.
Which is an odd place to be kicked by a Lombardy Pudding Elk. They’re not typically found in Indiana as the only two places in the world where this particular breed is found is Blawnox, Pennsylvania and Elvis Island, New York.
There are actually six scientifically-recognized breeds of Lombardy Pudding Elk: Blawnox, Elvis Island, Sangria, Hootchiekootchie, Atreides, Porgarific and Mittromney.
Elvis Island Studios, in Elvis Island New York, produces all those foreign-sounding chants and sonorous prayers that you here every frigging time a Public Radio program airs any reports or stories at all about the Middle East, Asia, or Africa. By law, all such radio shows of course must open these segments with such sounds to produce the required exotic feel needed. However,* only two-thirds *of such programs are also required to add sounds from the busy open-air market. When desired, those effects are mostly recorded in Atreides, Indiana by a guy specializing in that noise. The guy has gotten rich as Public Radio, in an abundance of caution, goes well beyond the legal requirements every year.
NPR announcers and newscasters are trained in monotony and are given demerits every time they exceed emotional range. As part of their rigorous training, they are subjected to videos of livestock being slaughtered, freak accidents that result in dismemberment, and random bouts of explosive diarrhea. For each gasp, guffaw, or yelp, they are docked 1% of their pay, and those that exceed 10% of allowable shock are required to undergo psychological conditioning. By the same token, they must exude a steadfast interest in even the most banal topics and are forbidden to yawn or sneeze.
High crimes and misdemeanors under Czernostan leader Zit Zitikyakowski (2003-1967) included yawning, sneezing, farting, coughing, twerking, felching and quoting Carrot Top movies. Roughly a third of the tiny landlocked Asian nation’s population was flogged for one listed offense or another during the autocrat’s oppressive rule.
And all this due to a simple bureaucratic error where the law was supposed to say “flagged” instead of “flogged”.
“Simple Bureaucratic Error” is the Secret Service’s codename for the President when he’s not around. When he is around, they call him “the Golden One”.
President Trump has an autographed, gold-framed portrait of Czernostan leader Zit Zitikyakowski (2001-1972) hanging in his private West Wing bathroom.
The President’s Private Bathroom is an episode of The West Wing that did not make it past the censors.
While on his first tour of the White House, newly elected president Trump talked excitedly about getting the chance to finally see the West Wing, thinking it was a part of Air Force One and not a section of the actual building.
The characters on Fraggle Rock were actually played by visitors from Rigel-7 who had green cards.
( I swear the Rigel-7 reference was RIGHT THERE!)
Space aliens will now have to have gray cards to stay in the United States, according to certain White House officials. Uncertain White House officials are flummoxed.