The rain in Oregon lays mainly on the plain, and the forests, and the mountains, and the hills, and the cities, and the towns, and the unincorporated areas, and just about every damn place.
Oregonians have over 2500 different words for rain.
…and 14 of them are even printable in family newspapers.
In order to show all rap songs are not obscene, Jay-Z began writing an article in 1997 “14 rap songs whose lyrics can be printed in a family newspaper.”
He’s up to five and counting.
Jay-Z has a herd of over 200 Lombardy Pudding Elk that he keeps on a remote island in the South Pacific, visiting them only during rutting season. He refuses to say why.
Lombardy Pudding elk were excessively hunted throughout the 50s and 60s (many hunters prized their unique ungulate hooves as trophies and often considered them “too stupid to live”). They became endangered species in the late 70s and early 80s and their numbers declined to such a degree that there less than 20 existing in their native habitat. Heavy efforts including Pennsylvania’s Lombardy Pudding Elk Conservation Act, restoration of the alkali forests of Western Pennsylvania, and possibly the closing of many Roy Rogers chain restaurants led to the recovery of their species.
Roy Rogers’s ghost haunts the International Space Station. He doesn’t respond to questions, but appears to be searching for Trigger.
Trigger’s ghost haunts the great space coaster. Not just haunts, but has commandeered it. Which is why nobody has heard from it in a while.
Male exotic dancer Trigger Finger’s moniker refers to his “below the waist” appendage.
Looking below the waist, in a nudist colony, is impossible unless one is wearing sunglasses. Then it is impossible not to.
Pennsylvania law requires nudist colonies to purchase liability insurance, erect high fences to keep children out, and permit state legislators to visit whenever they wish while remaining clothed.
The Lost Colony was neither lost nor a colony. It was a settlement of unknown migration. This is important legally because if any descendants of Virginia Dare ever show up they are entitled to North Carolina according to experts.
The Raleigh Riflemen’s Council on Perpetuating Perpetuation is avidly against such an eventuality. Their motto (at least on Friday) is “Don’t you Dare!”
Perpetuating Perpetuation,the movie follow up to Groundhog Day, is now in the works.
…and has been since 1927…
1927 is a quasi-prime number, which is any number divisible only by itself, 1, and two other primes (in this case 41 x 47). Because it takes two primes to create a quasi-prime, there are always twice as many quasi-primes as primes. Some have postulated the existence of a pseudo-prime, but most modern mathematician discount the possibility. The discount is as much as 20% if you have a subscription to their magazine and order in bulk. The next year scheduled to be a quasi-prime will be announced any day now.
The discount goes up to as much as 49% if you can prove you are in your quasi-prime (55) or pseudo-prime (113).
Octopus Prime is the largest, strongest*, and wisest of all Autobots. He feels his role is the protection of all life, including Earth-life, and he fights unceasingly to defeat the Decepticons.
*Until the next series of Transformers toys come out and there’s an Autobot who’s bigger and stronger, of course.
Intergalactic Gladiator one lasted nine rounds in a fight against Octopus Prime. He might’ve won, but Prime cheated by spraying IG with canned cheese spread.
Canned cheese spread is the cuisine d’art is Oomphthoomb, Nebraska ever since it was discovered to be a key ingredient in weed-laced nachos.