Ironically, Wedlock, Arizona, in 1887, had the highest prostitute population of any town, city or territory in the U.S.–18.4 per capita. The .4 only cost you $2 for a half hour (weekdays only; ask for Greeley).
If Greeley is not available, you can ask for Breeley, Creeley, Dreeley, Freeley, Ireeley, Kreeley, Preeley, Rreeley, Treeley, Ureeley, Wreeley, or Xreeley.
Rreeley, Treeley & Ureeley is a Blawnox law firm specializing in patent litigation, medical malpractice and claims against fictional lactose-intolerant Bolivian cowboys.
Recently the firm of Rreeley, Treeley & Ureeley successfully defended urologist Dr. Kutcher Balzoff against a malpractice suit with their renowned “what did you expect?” argument.
Rreeley, Treeley & Ureeley has offices in Los Angeles, New York City, London, Nairobi, Moscow, Beijing, Tokyo, Sydney and Blawnox. Some of them even have windows, desks and chairs.
The ones that don’t have Windows run DOS systems, on Amiga hardware that was salvaged from the short-lived Japanese space program.
Not rockets to the moon, silly! SPACE! Have you ever been to Tokyo? The Japanese space program was cancelled when the lead researcher, Akira Meru, discovered an ant in the lab. Staff were unable to get the ant carcass out the door without dismantling the building.
Giant ants have also plagued the space programs of Botswana, Turkey, Orsonbeanistan and Grand Fenwick.
A giant ant was entered into the 1966 Kentucky Derby, by jockey and owner Henry Pym, but was disqualified when it was discovered that it was not, in fact, a thoroughbred horse.
Nuclear radiation contamination is usually the root cause when peaceful family reunions are attacked by giant aunts.
Accidental exposure to gamma rays during the detonation of an experimental bomb is usually the root cause when peaceful family reunions are attacked by a giant green angry man wearing torn purple shorts.
Atomic research during the 50s resulted in a number of giant, radioactive monsters. Tales of gigantic tarantulas, ants, lizards, and even shrews have been documented throughout the 50s up until the early 70s but nobody’s talking about them anymore. Where are all these giant animals now? Huh? I’ll tell you – they’re all out there and they’re waiting. But what are they waiting for? They’re waiting for the right time. But when is the right time? I’ll tell you – I don’t know. And that’s what worries me.
When you hear the tone the right time will be 9:45 a.m. Bong! Thank you.
The giant, radioactive monsters are just waiting to attack us when their leader sounds the TRUMP-et. HONK! Thank you.
According to rumors, Japanese film director Kazuki Omori is keeping the giant, radioactive monsters (codenamed GRM) in an abandoned airplane hangar on the island of Kikai. He is saving them until he has secured enough funding for his next Godzilla project, “Godzilla vs. the Giant Radioactive Monsters”.
The island of Kikai is the world’s largest importer of proactively centrifuged lettuce.
The official state song of the Island of Kikai is Lettuce Dance
Lettuce dance?
On a bright cloud of lettuce shall we fly?
Lettuce dance?
Shall we then say salad is too dry?
Or perchance,
When the last little dressing has left the jar,
Shall we still have the dressing
With oil, vinegar and spices?
And shall it be my new green trance?
On the clear understanding
That this kind of thing be eaten.
Lettuce dance?
Lettuce dance? Lettuce Dance?
The Island of Kikai was named after the giant Kikai bird (now extinct), named for its harsh shrieky cry, “Kikai! Kikai!” and known in its day for eating prodigious amounts of lettuce. And ants.
The giant Kikai appears on the coats of arms of the Island of Kikai, the City of Blawnox and the Nairobi Knitting Circle, Benevolent Protective Chowder and Marching Society.
The closest living relatives of the extinct giant Kikai are the Secretary Bird, the Froot Loops Toucan, and the Colibri (the esteemed SDMB moderator, not the hummingbird).
…and, don’t forget, the much less well-known Treasurer Bird and Vice-president Bird.
The visual appearance of the Vice-president Bird is almost as famous and familiar as that of the Froot Loops Toucan; the main difference is that, despite long detailed observation and record keeping, no one has ever been able to determine exactly what the Vice-president Bird does.