He was condemned to weekend-for-life bouts of mumblety peg.
Peg Mumblety was the first recorded convicted celebrity stalker, for her activities regarding Orson Bean; i.e. mentioning his name in every sentence she ever spoke, writing his named all over every building in Washington DC, having plastic surgery to look just like him, and stealing some sperm from a sperm bank she saw Bean walk by once, convinced it was his deposit. She was declared insane, and spent the rest of her life in a psycho ward, where she met Ken Kesey, and was the inspiration for the Big Nurse character in Kesey’s book.
Ken Kesey’s grandson, Ken Kesey III, had less success with his Big Nurse series for children. No eight year old wants to hear the story of Big Nurse and the Rectal Thermometer.
The oral thermometer was developed by Dr. John Mandible, who witnessed many tragic accidents involving rectal thermometers. He also wrote a catchy slogan for his new thermometers: “Rectum? Damn near killed 'im!”
The Moscow People’s Factory for Rectal Thermometers, mindlessly reflecting the Soviet mindset that “bigger is better,” in 1962 introduced the Model 717, a rectal thermometer a foot wide and seven feet, three inches long. Fortunately, it was never used on, er, in a human being.
After the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, the long abandoned Moscow People’s Factory for Rectal Thermometers was renovated and converted into a shopping mall. During the renovation process, the Model 717 was found in a dark corner and covered in cobwebs. It was cleaned, placed vertically in the center of the mall, and converted into a fountain.
Shortly before the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991, Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev was touring his country’s nuclear arsenal with his wife. He noticed a small flaw in one of the missiles, pointed up to it and said “There’s a hole in the rocket, dear Raisa, dear Raisa.”
Back in the 1940’s Blawnox entrepreneur Rex Magnus attempted to market a line of “novelty” rectal thermometers with the proviso “for measuring body temperature only”. But he was arrested and shut down within days by federal and state law enforcement. At his obscenity trial the judge basically said “who do you think you were kidding?”.
Rex Magnus was sentenced by Judge James Hannon. Although blind, the judge was able to handle the offending items and remark “I know obscenities when I feel them.” Judge Hannon would later preside at the littering trial of Arlo Guthrie.
Arlo Guthrie was facing a misdemeanor charge for Littering after he and several members of his band were caught urinating and defecating outdoors in a National Wildlife Preserve after a night of heavy drinking. At the trial, Judge Hannon pointed a bony index finger at the defendant and said, “Son, this band is your band, but this land is my land.” He then pointed to the bathroom and said, “but this can was made for pp and p.”
Arlo Guthrie and his band became the main suspects after Officer Obie and his police force used all kinds of cop equipment hanging around at the Police Officer Station. They took plaster tire tracks, footprints, dog-smelling prints, and twenty-seven 8 x 10 colored glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against the perpetrators. Officer Obie then arrested Arlo Guthrie and his band, almost causing them to miss Thanksgiving dinner.
Arlo Guthrie’s songs about spitting at the Louvre, urinating in a Blawnox alley and farting in Laramie, Wyo. did not do nearly as well as “Alice’s Restaurant.”
However, his cover about spitting, farting, urinating and defecating on the City of New Orleans did very well, but he did not write it.
That was Bowel, Allan Ginsberg’s less well-remembered poem.
EscAlaMike, noob, perhaps you’ve posted here or elsewhere and I didn’t notice, but for this post alone I state publicly: may all your future endeavors at SD, certainly with us here, be similarly awesome.
Back to thread:
After talking with Arlo Guthrie in Berkeley in 1956 about Paris, Blawnox, and Laramie, Wyoming, Allen Ginsberg wrote the opening lines of his “Footnote to Howl”:
*Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!
The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy! The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand and asshole holy!
*
“Howl” actually had over 400 footnotes in its original publication, none of which referred to United States v. Carolene Products Co.
The allegation of the plaintiff–the People of the United States–in their suit was that Carolene Inc. was falsely claiming to be a valve company.
Amicus curiae briefs included those from Brooklyn Gas and Maybe magazine, co-submitted with Chuck Berry.
Chuck Berry fathered many children out of wedlock, including NFL player Raymond Berry, actor Ken Berry, actress Halle Berry, and Monster Cereal veterans Franken Berry and Boo Berry.
Inside Wedlock city limits, Berry was no less prolific, including his uniquely-named offspring Danquisen and Jilleiken, and was particularly proud of his daughter the medical researcher, who had a disease named after her. Beri was his pride and joy.