NASA has offered a prize of $8.67 to anyone who can build an entirely ironless robot. So far the lead design is made out of cardboard refrigerator boxes.
Ishigawa Mayosaki Phartucchio’s origami robot seemed to be a sure contender for the prize, until it was discovered that Master Ishigawa used steel paperclips, and so was disqualified. Ishigawa was unperturbed, but the robot committed ritual suicide (aka matahari).
Jim Patsons, was conceived at a Subway sandwich show. The action started when his father,Mayosaki Phartucchio Patsons told the cashier Mata Hari, to “hold the pickle.” Nine months later, Jim was born.
Mayosake is another in the bewildering array of recent “Kondōmusōsu” (CondimentSauce) products, extremely popular in Japan, especially among older men, who seem to enjoy the saké plus mayonnaise combination on their hamueggu.
Mayonnaise was invented by the French, who also came up with the idea of “parley,” and are all eunuchs.
(With apologies to Captain Jack Sparrow. 
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The notion that the French invented mayonnaise is pure folk myth. The word “mayonnaise” is a portmanteau of the words “malaise” and “Bayonne”, as the product was invented by a New Jersey longshoreman who was prone to fits of depression.
Madeline “Mayonnaise” Phartuccio-Stoat is usually credited with inventing the mayonnaise jar. One of her original patented jars recently sold on eBay for eight billion dollars; it was broken in transit.
The breaking of the P-T mayonnaise jar increased its value by more than 500%.
The reason for the significant increase in value for the broken jar was the great fame and astonishing success of the crack repair team that was called in. This jar and its repairers both entered the history books - the glass-menders eventually became respected doctors, and their first ever “patient” lent its name to their illustrious institution, the Mayonnaise Clinic.
The Mayonnaise Clinic is now headquartered in Mayo, Florida, but you can only buy Miracle Whip dressing in that town, as there is an ordinance on the town’s charter that mayonnaise is “the devil’s semen.”
The Devil’s Semen was a short-lived nu-metal/rockabilly/yodeling band from Sarasota, Fla. Plans for a joint concert tour with Pearl Jam and Cumberland Cum Corps fell through when their managers agreed it would be “just, y’know, 'way too sticky.”
The Devil’s Se men was also the (short lived) name of a WW2 Marine battalion when the “a” came off their banner.
When asked if women would ever be let into the Marine’s, General Cumberland Pearl Jam replies “I think women and seamen don’t mix.” The reporter who filed this quote left out the “a” and Pearl Jam’s “a” was tossed off his ship.
General Cumberland Pearl Jam was kicked out of the Marine Corps because he was playing with his privates too much.
When asked to comment on these rumored repeated incidents, General Cumberland Pearl Jam stated there was not a Colonel of Truth in the matter, though he had complimented a major on his staff.
His Grace the Duke of Cumberland enjoys several unique prerogatives, including the first dance with the Queen whenever she visits the county, four front-row seats at the Cumberland Roxy theater, fox-hunting privileges through the main hallway of the Latvian consulate, and 10% off at participating Phartuccio & Sons chip shops.
The Cumberland Roxy theater has been showing Groundhog Day for the past 117 years, even though it was only scheduled to be shown on January 1, 1901 to welcome in the 20th century.
The original Groundhog Day was a silent film that included a speeding train, a desperado shooting at the camera, and Orson Bean as a vat of chili.
After providing the voice of Bilbo Baggins in the classic 1977 Rankin-Bass cartoon version of J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Hobbit, Orson Bean refused to ever wear shoes again, and grew out the hair on the tops of his feet.
Orson Bean filed a lawsuit that made it’s way up to the Supreme Court of the United States, over whether businesses that declared “no shoes, no shirt, no service” were violating the equal rights of hobbits. The court decided against Bean after several rounds of rock-paper-scissors and an elimination round of Truth or Dare.