In addition to his piano-running skills, James Burrows can do particularly complicated double-entry bookkeeping, bake the best chocolate-chip cookies you’ve ever had, play the ocarina, juggle kittens without hurting them and write “Romans go home” in perfect Latin.
(Real trivia: Burrows is a graduate of Oberlin College, as I am).
When Oberlin College was founded by fur trappers in 1703, it was called Oberjine College and its mascot was an eggplant.
Oberlin College is the 5th highest rated college in Blawnox, PA.
Oberlin College’s motto is, “We take the Fifth.”
Rounding out the Top 5 ranked colleges in Blawnox, PA, are top ranked Blawnox Institute for Mechanical and Industrial Nomenclatures and Insignias (or BIMINI), second-ranked Blawnox College for Penguine Studies, third-ranked Blawnox Community College, and fourth-ranked Superior Oberlin College.
Not to mention the pi-ranked Blawnox College of the Supernatural. They are a Blaw unto themselves.
In 1949, Blawnox College of the Supernatural offered a deanship to Bertrand Russell, which he declined, stating “There are two motives for accepting a deanship; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can punish your enemies. This position offers me neither”.
Blawnox College of the Supernatural is conducting experiments to create vultures, condors, and buzzards that walk into bars and order drinks. Their motto for this venture is “No, this is not a joke.”
To follow AscAlaMike’s Post #10445:
Which inspired the Annual Blawnox College Supernatural Scholarship, awarded to the most creative essay on the theme, “We Didn’t Want You Anyway, You Old Poop.” To this day, there have been no takers.
Fred Gibson’s book about a boy and his dog Old Poop was originally called “Old Poop.” When Travis has to shoot the rapid dog, he says “We Didn’t Want You Anyway, You Old Poop.”
The book’s editor suggested that Gibson change the title and the dog’s name to “Old Yeller,” and eliminate that line, as they were inappropriate in a children’s book.
Another edit made to Gibson’s original story was when the quote “I love Old Poop. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.” Gibson loved the line very much though and eventually gave it to his friend Ed McCaskey. McCaskey also loved the line very much and with a quick name change, it was written into the movie “Brian’s Song.”
“Brian’s Song” was actually the creation of Ludovic ‘Lightnin’ Lederhosen, breakneck screenplay writer, when it was discovered that the printer had disastrously substituted an S for a B in $1.5 million worth of publicity posters for the movie. Lederhosen was called in to write “Brian’s Song” over a weekend because the original movie, “Brian’s Bong”, no longer made sense.
Before his tragic death, Chicago Bears running back Brian Piccolo set the NFL record for most rushing yards in a game by a player wearing lederhosen.
Lightnin’ Lederhosen died on March 8, 2019, when a schoolbus full of Armenian breakdancers returning from a competition in New Blawnox, WV, where they had finished eighth out of a possible seven places and were thusly discouraged about their place in Armenian breakdance history, collided with a polka-dotted perambulator strolling across the lane by a future Prime Minister of Americanada who neglected to look both ways before crossing the street. The contents of the perambulator were dashed skyward on impact, and since they consisted of office supplies and a frozen turkey (which had be destined to be a present for the future Prime Minister’s girlfriend’s mother, in the hopes she would make authentic Turkey Bisquetaine, a Provencal dish of the Olde Worlde, for which said mother was renowned in a very small, close-knit community). The frigid foul, upon its descent, smashed into the locking mechanism of a Own-A-Cone frozen yogurt stand, causing it (and its sole occupant, Lance R. Phartucchio) to careen down the hillside, first flattening a stop sign, then disrupting a mother Pinardo Duck and her brood (which, as a protected species, resulted in a deciduous lawsuit of epic proportions that has not been fully reproached to this very day), and finally crashing wholehearted into a basalt statue of Corporal Henry M. Bean, hero of the Battle of Little Piedmont (wherein a hundred brave horses valiantly gave their lives, but resulted in no human casualties). The collusion tilted the sculpture and snapped the bust of the Corporal clean off, causing it to fall into the water, splashing a puddle on the ground. ‘Twas on this very puddle that Ludovic (remember Lightnin’? This story’s about Lighnin’) slipped and broke a kneecap. He was taken by ambulance to the notorious Our Lady of Grace Reformatory Hospital, where someone decided, in the interests of Mad Science, to replace his brain with a horse’s. The surgery was not a total success.
ETA: Brian Piccolo once ate a frozen yogurt. It was lemon-lime.
Corporal Henry M. Bean, maternal grandfather of noted Hollywood star Orson Bean, served in the 14th Hawaii Volunteer Infantry. The regiment won lasting fame as “the Fighting Stoats” in the Battle of Honolulu during the 1917 Pineapple Insurgency.
The 1917 Pineapple Insurgency began when a British businessman who was visiting the Hawaiian Islands committed sacrilege against a pineapple that had been deemed sacred by the Hawaiian natives. Local legend told that King Kamehameha I had once used that pineapple as the centerpiece of a table setting. The British businessman was overheard by the keepers of the pineapple to say as he walked past it, “What a load of codswallop”, sparking outrage.
Culturally-insensitive British businessmen have been blamed for starting the 1917 Pineapple Insurgency, the 1928 Manila Uprising, the 1932 Stoat Rebellion, the 1947 Blawnox Riots, the 1955 Nairobi Orgy and the 2007 Arbor Day Etouffee Massacre.
The 1917 Pineapple Insurgency was finally ended by the signing of the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a Peace Treaty. One of the terms of the treaty was that all combatants who were injured during the conflict (including many members of “The Fighting Stoats”) would receive an lifetime stipend of 12 fresh pineapples per year. The now-common English term “on the dole” was derived from this stipend.
The song we know as, “Mahna Mahna,” was written in 1917 on the island of BluCuraso by Hawai’ian king K’moniwannalay’ya. The original title was, “Snu-snu” (origin unknown).
At the bar in Blawnox College of the Supernatural’s Student Union, one of the most popular cocktails is “Death By Snu-Snu,” made with pineapple juice, rum, tequila, Blue Curacao, Everclear, THC extract, Purplesaurus Rex Kool-Aid, liquid nitrogen, and with a little umbrella on top.