According to the International Board of Cocktail Definitions and Regulations, the “Death by Snu-snu” cocktail must be served by a scantily clad club-wielding Amazon woman.
The “Death By Snu-snu” cocktail has the little umbrella on top because the liquid nitrogen causes condensation in the air surrounding the glass and, God knows, you really don’t want any water raining into your drink.
However, sometimes some unknown matter called “snu-snu snow-snow” will fall into the drink, which makes it totally harmless and very delicious. Nobodyknows what this matter is or how it works.
“Nobody” is the appellation for the head of Switzerland’s Bureau of Intelligence (Intelligenz Bureaux des Helvetienz). Using state-of-the-art satellite surveillance and cyberhacking techniques at the peak of technology, it’s realistic to say that Nobody knows the troubles I’ve seen.
Everybody, a term applied to the President Donald Trump’s White House Bureau of Intelligence and All Around Best Knowledge Base in the Universe, knows that [del]Big Brother[/del] the President always tells the truth and has never contradicted himself in any way, shape or matter. The rumor that he employs illegal aliens to change every world newspaper and recording to hand any "irregularities) and only pays them 52 cents a day is a flat-out Democratic lie. The photos are photoshopped, the recordings are fake, and all the people testifying to this are illegal aliens, so who would believe them?.
The appellation “illegal aliens” was originally used as a nickname for residents of the 3rd moon of the 4th planet in the Tablob system. These beings were known throughout the universe for their unique language in which every word sounded like a subtle variation of the English word “illegal”.
The TV show 3rd Rock from the Sun was originally called “Every Tom, Dick and Harry,” with the role of “Tom” being played by Jim Parton. However, the producers decided to add a fourth female alien, a hot blonde for all the men (and lesbians) out there. Then they decided to recast Tom as a yuong men for all the young ladies (and gays) out there. And change to name of the show to 3rd Rock from the Sun for all the rockers (and sunners) out there.
The sitcom pilot “Peter, Dick, and Jock” was never aired due to the producer coming down from an extended meth binge and realizing what he’d done.
Peter, Dick and Jock was also a 2017 British movie about the saintly guardian of Heaven’s pearly gates (played by Paul Pettany), former President Richard M. Nixon (Keira Knightley) and Giancarlo “Jock” Phartuccio (Ed Norton), a fictional 11th century Italian potato farmer. The three drive across present-day Botswana in a 1947 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow and have zany adventures along the way. Roger Ebert wrote a posthumous review giving the film negative three stars.
The first teenage heartthrob to join the 27 Club was Jock Phartuccio, who died in 1947 after taking a toke (a puff for those of you not up on hep culture) of a joint (a cigarette containing the deadly marijuana plant). He was buried in his beloved 1947 Rolls Royce Silver Shadow. Depiste having 17 Top of the Charts records, Jock was a known habitual marijuana user and even had a relationship with Betty Bloomer, a 22 year old girl who later died of natural causes.
Few are aware that Jock Phartuccio was actually a Lesser Tablobian, who had fled his galaxy to avoid felksnx, which is sort of like our arrest, except much worse. His fortuitous (and entirely accidental, him being high as a kite at the time) landing in a New Blawnox, WV marijuana patch set his course for some time thereafter. He changed his name, which was unpronounceable in Earthling, to Phartuccio, which sounds almost exactly like ‘illegal’. He was en route to a rendezvous with his beloved Betty, to seek consolation for losing the much-publicized Blawnox Tokeoff to the world renowned Big Lebowski, reigning champion for 11 years. Drowning his sorrows with a thermos of snu-snu, he took what turned out to be his last toke, missed the turnoff to the Blawnox Trailer Court and Dingo Farm (home of Betty) and sailed off the precipice onto Tarpeian Rock Two 800 feet below.
Tarpeian was originally a game, played by (and for that matter invented by) the dinosaurs that lived near The The Tar Tar Pits. To play the game, you find some tar, and, lifting your leg or squatting slightly as the case may be, you peian it. The winner is the one who can peian the most tar without saying “Ah’m tar’d o’ peian.”
The word tar actually comes from the anagram Terribly Awful Runoff. Which is what miners used to call it in starting in late 1800’s in NewCastle. Eventually shortening it to TAR.
Dinosaur remains have been found heaped at the edge of The The Tar Tar Pits, (which remain active to this day, thrilling tourists and believed to be the final resting place of Jake “the Squealer” Phartuccio). Cause of the dinosaur deaths was invariably massive trauma to the mid-body, probably caused by the losers of a round of Tarpeian being impaled upon a giant stake. Though the original stake no longer exists, the Blawnox city fathers in 1971 erected a replica identical in all respects to the original, which is called . . .
Wait for it . . .
. . . Stake Tar Tar.
All of the dinosaurs in the 1993 hit Steven Spielberg movie Jurassic Park were actually real. Warner Bros. decided it would be cheaper to bring them back through a time machine than it would be to pay for special effects.
When John Hammond opened Jurassic Park-San Diego, one of his underlings snuck a cardboard sign onto the ticket booth at the entrance – Jurassic Parking.
The oldest player still active in the PGA tour is nicknamed “The Jurassic Par-King”.
The Jurassic is one of the better-known geological eras, certainly more so than the Mesozoic, Blawnoxian, Orsonbeanian and Phartuccian.
Scientists discovered the bones of diminutive hominids in a cave in Indonesia in 2003. These hominids, dating from the Orsonbeanian Era, were nicknamed “hobbits,” due to being only three feet tall, having large feet for their size, and for a painting on the wall of the cave, which was translated as reading “in this hole in the ground there lived some hobbits.” Upon the announcement of this find, Tolkien Enterprises filed a retroactive lawsuit against the dead hominids for copyright infringement.
Through the use of the Warner Brothers’ time machine and aggressive application of the ‘hobbitual offender’ statutes, Plaintiff Tolkien prevailed and were awarded $110 million in damages. There was great jubilation until someone pointed out the hominids were way too dead to pay up.