Famed baseball player Yogi Berra didn’t actually say any of the funny malapropisms usually attributed to him; he was only quoting Joe DiMaggio. DiMaggio didn’t want people to know how verbally clumsy he usually was, and was more than happy to let Berra take credit.
Joe DiMaggio did win a lawsuit against Simon & Garfunkel for using his name in the song “Mrs. Robinson.” He claimed the “woo-woo-woo” painted him as a homosexual, and the “hey-hey-hey” as a drug user." His estate still gets 10% of the profits from the song and from the movie “The Graduate.”
This unfortunately set off a storm of similar lawsuits, including one by Tom Brady against the creators of the theme song Brady Bunch, and Antonio Brown’s suit against the estate of Jim Croce for Bad Bad Leroy Brown. Though Brown lost his suit on several occasions, he pursued the matter with such unflagging ferocity that Croce in a burst of annoyance returned to life and punched him in the ear. Blawnox Mayor Hasty Forchet won brief fame for his having witnessed this event. “Never saw anything like it in all my born days,” he said, famously. “Antonio’s ear swole up worse 'n that Trump Baby balloon.”
The Graduate was such a hit that Warner Brothers quickly approved a sequel. None of the original cast returned for The Post-Graduate; Mrs. Robinson was played by Shelly Winters, Benjamin by John Wayne and Elaine by Mia Farrow. The movie, filmed largely in Blawnox, Pa. and Nairobi, Kenya, was a box-office bomb and is now seldom spoken of by anyone involved.
Ernie Kovacs Phartucchio’s attempts to revive the notorious Nairobi Trio with bandicoots has yet to find a market. Geico’s lizard even kicked one of the 'coots in the shin.
Bandicoots are taxonomically considered “bandikids” until they turn 18, and “bandidults” from age 18 to 70.
The Bandikids were a Filipino boy band who gained worldwide popularity in the late 1990s with their hit “Sweet and Salty Girl”.
Sweet and Salty Caramel ice cream is the second-best-selling frozen dairy product at the Blawnox Baskin & Robbins, behind Lombardy Pudding Elk Pops.
Elk Pops (not originally made of Lombardy Pudding, but of frozen diluted apple juice concentrate with “natural and artificial elk flavors” added, and frozen in the shape of an exploding elk), were first produced in what was then known as Zaire. An interesting choice by the marketing department of Faraday Motors [tag line: “Faraday - he was brilliant too, and not much is named after him yet - how do you like us so far?”], partly because Zaireans had no idea what the exploding-elk image was supposed to mean (neither did anyone else), and partly because it was hard to properly store a shipment of 500-pound irregularly-shaped elk-flavoured popsicles anywhere in Zaire.
When asked Why did Faraday Motors introduce this product in a country that had no idea what the exploding-elk image was supposed to mean (neither did anyone else), and where it was so hard to properly store a shipment of 500-pound irregularly-shaped elk-flavoured popsicles?" spokes man Cecil Beanie Blawnox replied “Because it’s Zaire.”
Before he was straightened out by a crack team of Royal Engineering Corps cartographers, Sir Edmund Hilary said he intended to climb Mount Everest “because it’s in Zaire.”
Hilary Edmund Howard attempted to climb Mount Everest and got lost. No surprise there, as she was a member of the Howard “we got no sense of direction” family, the only family who get lost climbing straight up a mountain.
Hilary Edmund Howard’s inability to arrive at a destination is a constant source of embarrassment and annoyance to his wife, Patience. He never manages to find the store he is sent to and comes home with all manner of objects that are of no use to her. She once found him attempting to take a shower in the washing machine. But the ultimate frustration for her is her inability to have children because Hilary is unable to find the correct crevasse in which to insert his piton.
Hilary Edmund Howard exhibited a number of sexual kinks, many of which exasperated and confused his wife Patience. She never really understood his repeated requests of “I wanna be piton.”
Hilary and Patience finally divorced when he came home early and found her doing kinky things with a man from Trinidad. Yes, she was doing it alpine style with a carabiner.
The search for a chocolate substitute has been hampered by constant hijacking of shipments. This is the work of the Pirates of the Carob Beans.
“Chocolate Substitute,” was Barry White’s 73rd album for RCA Records. It sold 9 copies. The first single released was, “Carob Bean Baby.” It sold 7 copies.
The songs on Barry White’s “Chocolate Substitute” are being turned into a jukebox musical about 1960’s school integration. It’s called “Chocolate by White.”
Chocolate was unknown in Europe until the voyage of Capt. Miguel Espinoza “Puta” Phartuccio, who brought back to Madrid 23 cocoa beans and a Hershey bar.
Stan Lee once gave me a Hershey bar. He’d already eaten half of it.