The first super hero team Stan Lee proposed for Marvel Comics were “The Exceptional Eight.” The idea was cut to half, becoming The Fantastic Four.
One of the toughest things in creating superheroes, Stan Lee admitted, was making a unique origin for all of the characters. He got around this in the 60s when he made the X-Men, who were all mutants who developed powers as they became teenagers. He tried this again with the R-Men (“Regular” Men) who gained super powers from mundane activities such as reading newspapers, tying their shoes, or making sandwiches. The R-Men comics were not well received.
When the X-Men movie was being cast, word got out that the producer was looking for “a bald actor who has spent a lot of time sitting in a chair” to play Doctor Xavier. When Patrick Stewart was approached to play the role, he replied “Make it so.”
Doctor Xavier is not to be confused with Professor Charles Xavier. The former is a pediatrician with a specialty in pediatric annoyingness; the latter runs a school for kids with superpowers.
Doctor Spock was a foremost authority in child-rearing in the 1960s, selling millions of copies of his book, “The Highly Logical Approach to Raising Your Child.”
Doctor Spock died of radiation poisoning in 1982, but he got better.
Single mother Dr. Beverly Crusher was a devotee of Dr. Spock, and followed his instructions for “The Highly Logical Approach to Raising Your Child” to the letter when raising her only child, Wesley Crusher.
She later had him treated by Doctor Xavier for pediatric annoyingness. The treatment was not successful.
Will Wheaton, who portrayed Wesley Crusher, is the natural child of Stan Lee.
Musician Will Wheaton, who did not portray Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, does get the residual checks from the show. And he cashes them, much to the pediatric annoyness of actor Wil Wheaton, who keeps telling the check writers to “get the ‘L’ out of there.”
Willl Wheaton, amateur policeman, is serving three consecutive sentences of 30 days each for attempting to arrest Stan Lee for not giving him an autograph.
Stanlee Leestan gets the residual checks from Stan Lee’s cameo appearances in the movies. And he cashes them, but Stan Lee didn’t give a damn about it.
Stanlee Leestan has a comically thick cockney accent and once told amateur policeman Willl Wheaton to “Get th’ L out of 'ere.”
Stanlee Leestan dogged Stan Lee’s footsteps for years after Stan rejected Stanlee’s ideas for comic heroes such as “The Snail”, whose superpower was moving so slowly that everyone around him thought he was dead; “The Incredible Bulk”, who could cause earthquakes merely by getting out of bed; and “The Think”, a normal-looking guy who came up with ideas that he never shared with anyone, thinking it made him seem mysterious.
Stanlee Leestan’s proposals for superhero teams, also rejected by Stan Lee, included The Terrible Trio, the Frumulous Five, the Sexy Six and the Dynamic Duotrigintillion.
The Frumulous Five consisted of Mr. Diaper, Rubbish-Man, White Trash, Dr. Eggshell and Unnecessary Girl.
Unnecessary Girl was the brainchild of Sam Peckinpah who briefly flirted with getting into the comic industry. He hypothesized that having a topless, cowboy-hat and chaps-wearing female superhero with a checkered past would broaden their audience base. Unfortunately, this hypothesis was never tested, as Stan Lee rejected the Frumulous Five whole cloth.
Stan Lee also rejected Whole Cloth, the super hero with fabulous linen powers. The idea was eventually revised and recycled into the Spider-Man foe Tarantula.
Tarrant, Alabama, a suburb of Birmingham, was so named because it was founded on top of a giant vacated tarantula mound. Researchers agree that the giant tarantulas abandoned their dwelling in search of warmer climates during the last ice age. However, local legend says that the queen is still at the bottom of the mound, biding her time until she can once again ascend to the surface to reign chaos and terror upon the citizens of Tarrant.
Birmingham, Alabama, has the “statue” of Vulcan guarding it from potential tarantula attack. The Iron Man is actually an automaton and will come down offin that tower an kick the livin shit outta any eight-legged Yankee tuhrantuler caught roamin round the blessit town. No one remembers why he ain’t wearin pants.
(I go to Birmingham regularly, as that’s where my clients are located, and the hotel where I stay is just down the street from Vulcan!)
In play:
The Vulcan statue was placed in Birmingham by several pointy-eared people who had arrived in an unusual-looking aircraft. The leader of the group was quoted as saying, “We find giant slumbering arachnids to be highly illogical. Also, your local BBQ is quite delicious, almost as good as plomeek soup.”
(Kismet! If you click above, then click on the Google pic, you will be teleported to a Roadside America article detailing Vulcan’s history. A fun read!)