Custard’s Last Stand is also known as the Battle of the Little Bigspoon, and as the Battle of the Greasy Gooey Eggy Dessert
Which is why, to this day, Blawnoxians who OD on custard are said to be BAGGED.
One day we will all be bagged, according to a University of Minnesota Grim Studies report. Even if one is cremated, parts still wind up in a bag or two. The BAG is our future and open atmosphere beyond the bag will be as unreachable as the stars. The MU scholars recommend we embrace the bagging of our future and make the satchel our calling.
Don Schlitzs original lyrics to “The Gambler” were “You’ve got to know when to bag them, know where to tag them, on their little toes where they use to run. Never count their toenails, or even their testicles, they’ll be time enough for drinking when the day is done.”"
Kenny Rogers almost passed on recording The Gambler because he thought he had a surefire hit with another song, My Boomerang Won’t Come Back. At a party in Soho, however, Leonard Bernstein convinced him that Gambler’s mellatonic strictures overruled the only somewhat pleasing dissonance of Boomerang. Convinced, and somewhat confused, Kenny acceded.
Leonard Bernstein really hates going to REM concerts because every time he does, concert goers inevitably and frequently shout his name at him.
The Bee Gees hated Dolly Parton and Kenny Roger’s recording of “Islands in the Stream” and refused to cash their royalty checks from it. They also banned Dolly & Kenny from all of their uture concerts. And Leonard Bernstein too.
Quasimodo Gibbs, the one the others don’t talk about, wrote the lyrics to Stayin’ Alive on the walls of his cell in rat blood.
Rat blood is useful not only for writing prison graffiti, but as an industrial solvent, floor polish and, among some very weird people, dessert topping. Or so I’ve been told.
Blawnox, determined to become a world mecca, in 1966 opened the Blawnox Grauman’s Chinese Restaurant, claiming to be the world’s only purveyor of rat blood custard. Inexplicably, thousands flocked to its doors. It was wildly popular until a line cook divulged that the rat blood was, in actuality, seedless raspberry sauce. A huge scandal followed, leading to the restaurant’s being torn down by a howling mob. The site is marked today by a modest obelisk inscribed with the words, “We Learned Our Lesson”, and planted round with heliotrope and asparagus.
Asparagus garnished with heliotrope and stewed with rat’s blood is a favorite dish of Orson Bean, who served it to all his A-list guests at his annual Academy Awards after-party in 1973. Elliot Gould and Barbra Streisand were both hospitalized for food poisoning.
According to human resource legal experts, if you find a sprig of parsley in your paycheck it is probably because your wages have been garnished.
In ancient Japan mizuna was a popular garnishment of wages for those who expressed a yen.
In ancient Japan that happened to everyone mizuna or later.
The 1971 B.C. biggest selling song in Japan was the Grass Roots “Mizuna or Later”
Mizuna or later, love is gonna let 'chai
Mizuna or later, love is gonna win
You say you’ll never be mine
But darling they’ll come a thyme
I’ll taste all that love that you’ve been hiding
Its just a question of thyme
Before you make up your mind
And give all that love you’ve been denying
Everyone mizuna in ancient Japan is also now considered meshuga in Israel.
The bubblegum pop band The Archies had a minor hit in Israel with their song Meshuga, Meshuga.
I always put meshuga in mecoffee.
Bob Dylan’s original lyrics to One More Cup of Coffee:
One more cup of mecoffee for the road
One more cup of mecoffee 'fore I go.
To the valley of the shadow of death below.
Dylan changed it because it had too many prepositional phrases in the last line.
When the mizuna luna hits your eye like a big pizza pie,
That’s amore.