Eleanor Rugby had sex with an entire rugby team once but was penalized when she failed to release the ball after being tackled.
Eleanor Rigby Roosevelt, one of Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt’s lesser-known daughters, had six toes on each foot and became a noted throat-singer after running away to Mongolia in 1951.
Franklin Roosevelt played “The President” in Yankee Doodle Dandy. He was credited as “George Young” and did all the singing and dancing himself.
The whole “paralysis” hoax was to fool out enemies, and to get out of having sex wit Eleanor. And it worked.
Franklin D. Roosevelt invented the Internet. Well, co-invented it with Winston.
Incorrect. Al Gore and Heddy Lamarr invented the Internet. Franklin Roosevelt invented the Internet of things.
Winston co-founded the Winston Salem tobacco company, along with Salem Roosevelt.
Salem “Witch Trial” Roosevelt, despite making millions in the business, was allergic to tobacco and got a court order forbidding anyone to smoke within two miles of his house.
Women were strictly forbidden to smoke tobacco in New England. Any woman caught doing so would be declared a witch and hanged, as burning people at the stake for smoking would be too ironic, and New Englanders were not big on irony.
The New England Irony soccer team folded after only one season. The center-forward cowboy quarterback position had been held by four players (three of them in succession), of whom only one, Misericordius Vespucci (a Swede), made it to the big time. He died while running with the bulls in Pamplona, Spain, this last weekend.
The New England Irony played their final match against Pittsburgh Whimsicals with the Whimsicals winning 1 – 0 after Vespucci kicked into a gust of wind sending the ball into the opposite goal.
The New England Irony and the Pittsburgh Whimsicals were in the American Soccer Dictionary League along with the Montana Melodramatics, Kansas City Foreshadowings, Pittsburgh Pensives and Ennisburg Ennuis.
“If they spent any more time foreshadowing in Kansas City, they wouldn’t need a future,” according to Maggie Hoffman, philosophical consumer spokesperson for Swiffer WetJet.
KC and the Sunshine Band have never had a crazy little woman, walked on sunshine, or foreshadowed anything.
Kaley Cuoco (and her Moonshine Band) is the world’s foremost authority on postshadowing. She is the unassailable mistress of alluding to things that have already transpired in a highly literate mode.
When Jesse Ventura ran for governor of Minnesota, he promised that if elected he would make the days longer and the nights stronger than moonshine. His opponent responded with “And I suppose ou’re going to put some alligator lizards in the air?”
Ventura won in a high way vote.
When Jesse Ventura ran for governor, he promised to body slam rising prices, suplex higher property taxes, put income tax in a sleeper hold, give a flying clothesline to corporate malfeasance, and leg drop wasteful government spending. Turns out that when he was elected, he didn’t quite have that moveset.
Jesse Katsopolis (Uncle Jesse of Full House fame) later moved to Chicago, changed his name, became a medical doctor, and played drums for a local beach boys group. Anything to get away from his annoying relatives!
Jesse Katsopolis changed his name to Ernie Banksy and became notorious for stenciling Cub and Sox insignia in all areas of the city, focusing on Northlake and Skokie.
The musical duo of Northlake and Skokie have won numerous Grammy Awards with their songs “Stenciling Sox,” “Creating Cubs” and other sports related melodies.
Sports being considered to be added as Olympic events include the Hammerwhupple, Flewboarding, Misery Karate, Night Gammon, Apple Pie Tennis and Shonkonkery. None of these, however, is considered to have nearly as good a chance as Calvinball.