PETA has demanded that Alice in Wonderland be taken off the classic children’s literature list because of its unfair portrayals of white rabbits, mock turtles, March hares, doomice, flamingos, hedgehogs and porcupines. And that end scene where Alice probably causes Shaken Kitten Syndrome.
Mock Turtles are in fact made of textured vegetable protein. PETA supporters are deeply divided over whether they should be protected or not.
PETA has been embroiled in a multi-year trademark dispute with People Eating Tasty Animals, which claim to have a “first to use” dating back to 1961.
PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) lost backing in 1981 when they published The Beagle Bagel Cookbook. Explained the author, “We at PETA could no longer hide from humanity the fact that certain breeds of dog are mighty mighty tasty.”
Charle Sculz did a comic strip where Woodstock gives a copy of The Beagle Bagel Cookbook to Snoopy, thinking it’s a cookbook of tasty treats for dogs. When Snoopy looks at it, he screams “It’s A Cookbook,” his ears fly up, and they both fall off the doghouse.
Carle Sculz is not affiliated with the popular Peanuts comic line and has no relationship to its creator Charles Schultz, either personal or professional. After receiving numerous decease and desist letters from United Features Syndicate, Sculz is now attempting to trying his hand at writing Funky Winkerbean comics.
Despite his minor attributes, Carle Sculz did star in a series of “Fucky Wankerbang” comics. The main plot of the series was that Les is Moore.
Funky Wankerbang was a sorority girl at Les S. Moore State College in Manitoba. Every time she would meet a frat boy, she tended to retreat to the dorm in disgust.
Les S. Moore College believes in “knowledge for knowledge’s sake,” and does not have tests, majors, required attendance, homework or anything else. All the students are required to do is pay tuition and come to lectures when they feel like it.
Les S. Moore College officials looked into opening an annex in Blawnox, Pa., but decided not to after three members of the site-selection committee came down with the clap.
Les Ismore was the first human to be conclusively diagnosed with the clap. He submitted himself to undergraduate research at Les S. Moore College, and through a set of circumstances, spent a regretful night in the arms of a rather unhygienic co-ed at the Roadside Motel in Blawnox, PA.
The Roadside Motel in Blawnox, PA is kind of misnamed. Technically it is accessible via a frontage road off of highway 28 but in reality the frontage road turns into a winding gravel path, goes around “Old Oakey” the big oak tree, cuts through the corner of the Sunnyside Strip Mall parking lot, crosses a bumpy railroad track, and then goes past Farmer Joe’s place before you can get to the motel. Despite this, the Roadside Hotel owners are reluctant to change its name because of tradition.
Contrary to popular belief, “Old Oakey” was not named for its oakiness. Longtime Blawnox residents Walter and Martha Schneider vacationed in Florida in 1966, and on their way back to Pennsylvania on US1, visited the Okefenokee Swamp. They picked up an acorn, brought it back to Blawnox, and planted the tree, naming it “Old Oakey” after the swamp of its origin.
Acorns affect squirrels like LSD affects humans. That cute little squirrel nibbling on an acorn is actually tripping out.
Rocky the Flying Squirrel was originally Rocky the Flying Badger, but the moose wasn’t having it.
Rocky the Flying Squirrel has had the clap so often that, in the words of Dr. Philip “Bobo” Phartuccio DVM of the Blawnox Anthropomorphic Cartoon Character Veterinary Clinic, “it’s more like applause.”
Sylvester Stallone got this idea for his Rocky movies when watching an episode where Rocky takes down Bullwinkle. Apollo Creed’s name was originally Bull Winkle, but the Rocky people threatened to sue.
June Foray, the voice of Rocky the Flying Squirrel, had a secondary career as an independent randomly parachuting paramedic in Brisgate Cove, Massachusetts. She’d be up in a helicopter with her pilot and whenever she saw trouble she’d just drop in. Sometimes she’d drop in if she didn’t see trouble, but the barbecue looked inviting.
I was also a member of the Independent Randomly Parachuting Paramedics in Brisgate Cove, Massachusetts. Twice I had to randomly parachute in to rescue other members of the Independent Randomly Parachuting Paramedics in Brisgate Cove, Massachusetts who landed ass down on barbecue grills.
The budget for Brisgate Cove, Massachusetts, included $10,000 to replace damaged grills. You don’t mess with Brisgate grillers.