Ultimate Kickpunching Championship champion Sergio “Robocruncher” Julio is set to take on challenger Alberto “The Brisgate Grill” Palsgrove this Friday at the Pawtucket Convention Center in North Smithfield, RI. Despite being a relative newcomer to the mixed martial arts world, Palsgrove is an impressive physical specimen that has shown he can kickpunch AND punchkick with the best of them. He will have to contend with Julio’s flipping mat striking kickpunching attack style though which has served the UKC Champion very well during his 105 day reign as the #1 Ultimate Kickpuncher.
Linn Manual Miranda’s next project is Kickpunching: The Musical, where he will write the music, lyrics, script, design the costumes, make-up, hair styles and sets, direct, produce, and star as Ultimate Kickpunching Championship champion Sergio “Robocruncher” Julio.
“Kickpunch”, oddly enough, comes from two other words: the first, “khikkip”, is the Turkish term for removing someone else’s kneecaps, and the second, “wunsch” is an Old Gothic term indicating you should eat the kneecaps once they have been removed. The terms were apparently first put together by Claude Jean, the damned, a reprobate Chinese monk, who was the first to introduce fireworks into Estonia.
The word “Frisbee” comes from the Celtic pagan words “fris” (wind) and “bee” (kneecap) used to a game involving removing the kneecaps of their enemies and throwing them into the wind, seeing whose kneecap would sail the farthest. The game got so popular that some people started using their own kneecaps, believing they would sail into the wind better. The record is held by Cross Christopher, whose Frisbee Sailing got to 144 feet, though he only had one leg to stand on.
Cross Christopher, the one-legged Frisbee Sailing Champion also keeps a pet falcon named Mortimer. He often takes the bird to Frisbee sailing matches to keep woodpeckers away from his peg leg.
Peg legs were named for Peggy Legg, the only known pirate with two peg legs, which she named after herself, the right one called Peggy, and the left one called Legg. The name eventually got shortened.
Simon Pegg is in negotiations to play a large (if not varied) part in the upcoming yet-again-remake of Willy Wonka. Simon is to play all of the Oompa Loompas. He refuses to use computer imagery, and insists he wants each of the Loompas to be a distinct personality. Would-be director Terry Gilliam thinks this is brilliant, and states it’s only a matter of finding the money to make the picture. Both Anne Hathaway and Ellen DeGeneres have been considered to play Wonka.
This one needs a spoiler box. Be warned, you “Lamb to the Slaughter”
In a prequel to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Willie Wonka was actually a wanted criminal know for inviting children into his factory, having his way with them, killing them by hitting them with a frozen leg from his previous victim, then cooking one of the child’s legs and eating it, and freezing the other for “later.” Peggy Legg was actually his first victim, but she survived the attack when Wonka discovered hit someone with their own unfrozen leg does not kill them. The other’s weren’t so lucky.
Johann Sebastian Bach was known to steal the notes of other prominent composers of his time. He would then leak the endings of his competitor’s symphonies to his brother John Jacob Bach, who would publish them anonymously in various musical journals. Thus the public would know the works ahead of time and therefore not bother to go to their concerts. Spoiler Bachs.
Bach’s family name was actually Schmidt, and John Jacob’s full name was John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. He was so egotistical, he wrote a song about his name, maybe you’ve heard it.
John Jacob Jingelhimer Schmidt’s son Joe Joe Schmidt reverted back to the family name Bach in an attempt to become famous like his grandfather Johann Sebastian. He had some success and his most remembered song was written for his wife Bebe “Baby” Bach. Critics panned the piece as a little too commercial but the song “I want my Baby Bach, Baby Bach, Baby Bach” is certainly memorable.
Bebe Neuwirth is a direct descendant of Joe Joe & Bebe, but made up the name ewqierh. When asked why she didn’t take the family name, she responded “I cannot take that Schmidt.”
No one with the last name Schmidt has lived in Blawnox since 1977, unless you count Robert Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Ulm Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dolores Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Gambolputty Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dinsdale Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Lederhosen Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt “Bobo” Schmidt, but c’mon, who does?
Bobo has a job manually destructively testing localized ventilation turbines. You know it’s guaranteed once Schmidt hits the fan.
Destructively testing localized ventilation turbines without a court order is illegal in three Southern states: Arkansas, Virginia, Alabama, Vermont and Florida.
When Robert Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Ulm Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dolores Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Gambolputty Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dinsdale Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Lederhosen Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt “Bobo” Schmidt, was driving in Missouri, he had a heart attack, lost control of his car, veered 10 feet into Arkansas, hit a diesel truck, the car burst into flames, went into a pasture, where the cows ate Schmidt’s roasting body.
You could consider this an incident for the Clinton body count, despite the fact that Scmidt had never been i Arkansas before, was driving a car that had failed inspection, did not have a valid driver’s license, and had never met or even voted for the Clintons. But c’mon, who doesn’t blame the Clintons for this horrible murder?
Robert Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Ulm Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dolores Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Gambolputty Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Dinsdale Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Lederhosen Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt Schmidt “Bobo” Schmidt, bo-Schmidt
Bonana-fanna fo-Schmidt
Fee fi mo-Schmidt
Schmidt!
Schmidt Smitten is a disorder in the DSM-5 describing those who have a compulsion to write the name Schmidt repeatedly.
Schmidt’s compulsion typically led him to write his name almost sixty times, but his birth certificate featured the distinctive Irish name only nine.
The obit writer for the Blawnox Bee quit in disgust when Schmidt, etc, died. Storming out of the office, he screamed, “I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHCHMIDT!”