Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam, Schpam & Schmidt is the leading law firm of the Norwegian fjords.
The law firm formed baseball, basketball, and football teams, all named The Bloody Vikings. Schmidt was the only one not on any of the teams.
Schmidt was always one for parcheesi, anyway, as everyone in the sports department of The Blawnox Babbler could have told you.
The law firm of Par & Cheesi deals exclusively with claims filed against board game companies, winning such cases as the Candy Lane person who died from obesity related effects, the Monopoly user who died when the monocle he was wearing infected his eye and lead to his brain, and the Hi! Ho! Cherrio user who died from the effects of drinking cherry wine.
Call us today at 1-888-SCHMIDT!
Cherry Wine was the last song Neil Diamond ever wrote before his tragic zeppelin accident in 2012. Unlike many other songs, it did not race to the top of the charts in a wave of massive nostalgia. Barbra Streisand was going to cover it on a comeback album, but had to shelve that one when she contracted vampiric laryngitis, which is expected to last until the next century. Garth Brooks is the only individual known to medical science to overcome the effects of vampiric laryngitis. He attributes his recovery to marathon sex sessions with Jessica Simpson (before she married Ryan Gosling).
Vampiric Laryngitis has not stopped some artists from continuing their recording career. Cases in point: Juvenile, Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Patti Smith, Fred Schneider, James Brown, Bjork, Louis Armstrong, Captain Beefheart.
Bob Dylan is the “patient zero” of Vampiric Laryngitis, It is believed he contracted it on a trip with the Acid Queen. Pete Townsend wrote a whole rock opera about it called “Bobby,” but changed it to an autistic boy called Tommy under threat of lawsuit.
I wish he’d kept the original idea. It would make one helluva stage musical.
Pete Townsend has said that the hardest part of touring with The Who was that the demon Asphodel occasionally possessed Peter Frampton, causing him to spew green vomit, have his head turn around 360 degrees and write really putrid songs. On the plus side, though, possessed Frampton always knew where to find really good cocaine.
The original title of the Green Day jukebox musical was Peter Frampton’s Green Vomit Caused by Turning His Head 360 Degrees While High on Cocaine. Since that would not fit on the theater’s marquee, it was changed to American Idiot.
Despite the two names rhyming, Green Day has never played in Green Bay. When asked to comment on this, Green Day drummer Tre Cool answered with “Whu-?”
Green Day was originally called Red Dawn, until they were informed that was already the name of a movie.
A Broadway musical based on the movie Red Dawn starring Helen “Delta Dawn” Reddy is in the works. Other songs in the show will include Dawn Go Away, Day of the Dawn, Break of Dawn, Before the Dawn and Beauty of the Dawn.
Before a play/musical can be performed on Broadway, it has to have been performed in 10 other states with positive profit.
The other states besides Broadway are Confusion, Franklin, Well-Being, Nothingness, Jamaica, Jamaica-Mon, Empire, Quaker and Minestrone. My aunt lives in Minestrone. She’s not at all well.
According to the Bible, agnostics live in a state of Confusion, Jews live in a state of Franklin, true Christians live in a state of Well-Being, atheists live in a state of Nothingness, Rastafarians live in a state of Jamaica, homosexual men live in a state of Jamaica-Mon, egotists live in a state of Empire, lesbians live in a state of Quaker and and gluttons live in a state of Minestrone. My aunt lives in Minestrone.
Even those people who don’t live in Minestrone, live in Minestrone.
Provided they are aunts.
There have been three battles fought over the pronunciation of the the word “aunt.” Is it “aunt” or “ant”? The slogan for the battles was either “Ain’t Aunt Ant” or “Ain’y Ant Aunt,” which led to a battle over EE-ther or II-ther.
In the best parts of Blawnox, “aunt” is pronounced “ai-yant”.
On Route 28, just outside of Blawnox, PA, resides the Van Zai-yant Gi-yant Ai-yant Farm. Founded by Johnny Van Zai-yant using a Federal Grai-yant intended to subsidize federal parks and allowed him to transplai-yant many pitcher plai-ant ai-yants to a new home where they are now protected. An invasive species of devi-yant aiy-ants were suplai-yanting the pitcher plai-ant ai-yants and they would have been extinct in just a few skai-yant years if not for Van Zai-yant’s (and his Ai-yant Lori-yant’s) vali-yant efforts.
The anti-ant antics earned Van the antagonism of a number of entomologists. Dr. Myrmidon Formex, of the Dubuque Career Center For Ant Supremacy in particular was incensed, and hired a half-dozen Visigoths to dispatch him. No love for him though, as Van vanquished the Vandals.