A recently poll should at 57% of the American population would like to stick a knife into Donald Trump vs. 43% a fork because “he’s done,” but NOBODY wants to spoon him.
Correction on the above, there are several republicans in congress that would not only spoon him, but progress to other obscene acts. Among them is an old toothless turtle posing as a senator.
Majority Leader of the Senate was a role long dreamed of for actor Yertle The Turtle. The only disappointment has been the lack of an Oscar nomination by the eponymous Muppet character.
Yertle The Turtle ended an untimely death when Miss Piggy karate chapped his shell and ate him. She claimed it was an “accidental act.” Kermit’s response was “Not kosher, Piggy.”
Yertle Turtle soup is a favored menu item at Mom’s Diner, located at the corner of Freeport Road and Oak Street in Blawnox, PA. Yertle turtles are, of course, found solely off the Sycamore Island Conservation Area on the Allegheny River. Yertle turtles are also favored by Lombardy cake stoats who can be found along the banks of the river, fishing the tasty terrapins out of the water.
The next jukebox musical presented by the Blawnox Community Theatre will be The Tasty Terrapins" based on the songs of The Turtles.
There are already changes being made to the musical. Happy Together is out, as it was deemed ridiculous by the producers to have the song sung by Trump and Pelosi.
Donald Trump just tweeted that he intends to dump Pense and run with Polosi as his Vice-Presidential candidate. Then he will resign and let Pelosi take over.
Apparently his first choices were Oprah and then Hilary, both of whom ssaid “re you fucking shitting me?” After the two ladies get elected, they plan to announce that they have been lovrs for years, and plan a White House legal wedding.
When that news makes Trump die of a heart attack, they plan to send a funeral wreath saying “Just Fucking Kidding You”
When Mike Pence becomes President, he will submit all of his decisions to his wife, Mother. Big Mother is watching.
When Mike Pence becomes president he will make the worship of Jesus Christ mandatory, all women will have to wear skirts and kowtow to men, and all gays will be transported to Mexico.
Mexico is perfectly fine with all the gays coming there, but they promise they will build a wall if we threaten to send Trump or Pence.
…and the wall will be Fabulous!
When Mike Pence heard this bit of news, he asked “How is making a wall of cardboard laundry detergent boxes going to keep us from crossing the border?” Trump told him it would be made from plastic Fab detergent containers, and Pence said “Oh, that makes more sense.”
Pence senses gents’ scents, vents on tents’ rents for Mexican malcontents.
Mike Pense’s college band was called The Mexican Malcontents. They were all set to sign a recording deal and go on tour when someone realized that Pense was not a Mexican. He was let go from the band and replaced with a Mexican illegal alien. When he complained, he was told “It’s for the Best, Pense.”
The band went on the fame and fortune, and Pense went on to poitics.
Then the Donald waved his magic Sharpie and it all went away, never to bother him again.
The Magic Sharpie is Trump’s name for his… no, not enough brain bleach in the world to erase that mental image.
Ivana, Marla, and Melania all gave the exact same response when asked about Trump’s “Magic Sharpie”
Yes, it’s the size of the one that hangs on a key chain!
Ivana, Marla, and Melania are the Russian translation of the Fates (of Greek mythology).
Donald Trump’s next project is to do a Russian translation of “War and Peace.”