Dean Martin was a talented piano player and actually taught both Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis how to play with the heel of their shoes. He learned the technique as a boy from his first piano teacher, “Armless” Arnie Judson in his hometown of Steubenville Ohio.
Jerry Lewis adapted this skill for use in his tap-dancing routines. Jerry Lee Lewis never actually performed in public playing with the heels of his shoes – he just *sounded *like he was playing with the heels of his shoes.
Jerry Lee Lewis and his (real life) cousins Jimmy Swaggart and Mickey Gilly all lost their virginity to the same woman, late December back in sixty-three. They still don’t know her name, but they will never be the same. What a lady of the evening, what a night!
The diary of one Lily LaTouche, discovered upon her death late last year, reveals that she was the one who… pleasured… the boys back in 63. She also serviced Bryan Adams in 69. With 69.
The diary of one Lily LaTouche also revealed that she pleasured all of the Four Seasons in four different nights. In four different seasons. In four different countries. And each in four different ways (do not ask).
Lily LaTouche was the daughter of Bubbles LaRue, an exotic dancer, and Bert Lahr, who used to pop her bubbles from backstage with a pea shooter. One night he showed up in his Cowardly Lion costume, one thing led to another, and later Lahr went onstage with suds in his mane.
When asked about this, Bahr burst into song:
Yes, I had Lily Touche
She satisfied me muchly
With a lot of vim and verve
I had no more troubles
Cause she really popped my bubbles
When I found I had the nerve
I’m afraid there’s no denying
We had the thrill of lying
A fate I did deserve
Yes, I showed my prowess
A lion with a lioness
Because I had the nerve
[bravo]
Upon hearing that, Harold Arlen went out and hanged himself behind the cabin among the apple trees, where Dorothy and the Scarecrow meet the Tin Man. Walt Disney covered it up, saying it was only a Munchkin instead.
L. Frank Baum originally described the Wizard as an amorphous blob capable of slipping through cracks and under doors. He called it “The Wizard of Ooze”. This idea was later turned into a science fiction movie, “The Blob” starring a young Steve McQueen.
The Wizard of Oz’s full name was Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs. He wanted to be known by his initials, but since that spelled out “OZPINHEAD”, he just went by Oz. Ozzy Osbourne was born Oscar Pinhead, but changed it in order to get more bat in his diet.
The supplier of bats for Mr. Osbourne was Ozymandias de Fonebone, of Melbourne, Australia, known as “Ozy the Ozzie.” He gave a discount to any customers for his bats named Ozzy, however they spelled it, leading to Mr. Osbourne’s change of his name. That, and not liking being called “Pinny Pinhead.”
Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a cat belonging to Berke Breathed. He was so traumatized by this, he immortalized the cat in his comic Bloom County. You know the cat as Opus the penguin.
The Wayfarer Penguin is the only species of penguin that migrates all the way to the Arctic region. They often follow humpback whales and gray whales because whales have a better sense of direction. Wayfarer penguins occasionally hitch a ride on the backs of gray whales, earning them the nickname “surfing penguins”. However, they never ride on humpback whales since they keep slipping off of the humps.
The medieval Humpback of Wales, Penn Gwynn, was the real-life inspiration for The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
Fred Gwynne was only 4’7" tall. He was always in the squad car or shown only from the waist up in everything he ever did.
Since his co-star Joe E. Ross was only 3’8" Gwynne towered over him. When Gwynne realized he was shown only from the waist up he quit wearing pants on the set and walked around in his spider silk boxer shorts. Unfortunately flies kept getting stuck in them.
Sylvester Stallone used to box professional under the name “Spider Silk Boxer.” He only won two of his twenty-nine matches, but he later turned the experience into a movie franchise.
Ross and Gwynn tried to pitch the idea of a Spider-Man movie franchise, but for some reason executives thought they were talking about making, not feature-length films, but shorts.
Spider silk boxer shorts were all the rage for a short while in the 1920s. These garments were popular due to their body-hugging comfort and resiliency though wearers were often frustrated when trying to put them on or take them off.
Paul Simon originally owned the first spider silk boxer short store in the country. He also wrote the theme song:
I own a chain of good stores
That sell spider silk boxer shorts
Shorts are good for sleeping
For working or for shorts.
With my promises. No lies or jest.
I will tell you they are the finest
Out selling all the rest.
Buy my shorts
Buy my sho-sho-sho-sho-sho shorts.
Buy my shorta.
Buy my sho-sho-sho-sho-sho shorts.
Buy my shorts.
Asking only workmen’s wages
I will sell you these fine shorts.
Accept my offer.
I tell you come on down to the store on Second Avenue.
I do declare buy my shorts and you will find some real comfort down there.