John Barth attempted to take a solo boot ride around the world in 1977, but the wind never blew right to get him there. He did write an account of his adventure “Poor Sails in 1977.” It received poor reviews.
Jacobus Poor tried to make a living as a travel writer in the early 19th century. He was hampered by his stubborn refusal to adopt a pen name, resulting in books with such problematic names as Poor Sails Around the World. The philosopher Henry Standard had similar problems with his books which had titles such as Standard Thinking. The two happened to meet at a London pub one day, and while commiserating over their similar problems, hit upon the idea of collaborating on a book analyzing the world’s financial markets. The rest is history.
Jacobus Poor and Henry Standard would become best friends, eventually sharing a house as roommates for over 25 years. A week after Poor’s death from a heart attack, Standard would die of a wound suffered when his gun accidentally went off while he was cleaning it.
Accidental gun deaths of 2020 include: Newt Gingrich, Mitch McConnell, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Haile Selassie, Ted Cruz, Lindsay Graham, F. Scott Fitzgerald, S. Fitz Scottgerald, Mike Pence, Sirhan Sirhan, Graham Lindsay, Pauly Shore, Anne Coulter and former President Donald Trump. Sean Hannity’s death was ruled intentional.
The above is an outright fabrication. Anne Coulter didn’t die from a gunshot wound. One day an intern forgot to cover the mirror at Coulter’s makeup station, and the woman frightened herself to death. She was heard to scream “The horror! THE HORROR!”
Anne Coulter once described *Mein Kampf *as “a cracking good beach read.”
Adolph laughed all the way through How To Talk To A Liberal (If You Must).
Adolph practiced normal sexual activity until he got a glimpse of Anne Coulter naked in a mirror, seeing her both front side and back side. After the horror of that, he only had, er…solo sex. He called this activity “Herr meiner Domäne zu sein.”
Coulter’s image has been banned in more places than her books (but it’s close).
The #1 most universal banned image in history of all time in every place ever, including all foreign countries and even other places is our current POTUS. Indeed, on some planets “potus” has become an official word for “banned.”
The term “POTUS” has been officially changed to “SCROTUS” in honor of the president’s remarkable resemblance to that appendage.
However, word is that the POTUS had an extremely small SCROTUS. Just look at his hands.
ETA: There is a radio announcer at NYC’s 1010 WINS with the name of Mike Potus. I giggle every time he says it.
Although William Safire’s 1978 novel Full Disclosure and the 1990s TV show The West Wing have both been credited with popularizing the acronym “POTUS” (for “President of the United States”), the earliest known use of it is in Orson Bean’s 1962 political sex comedy about the first female President, The POTUS with the Mostess.
The POTUS with the Mostess was sponsored by Hostess, who put out a limited edition Postess Cupcake one-quarter of the size of their regular hands to accommodate “those with feminine appendages.”
Donald Trump used to buy them by the case load and, when they were discontinued, he bought every single last existing one, since “they last as long as Twinkies.”
After the release of Orson Bean’s “POTUS with the Mostess”, his poetic license was permanently revoked and an injunction was issued by the SCOTUS to prevent him from ever attempting to make a rhyme again, whether intentionally or accidentally.
Ann Coulter auditioned for the lead role in the Broadway adaptation of The POTUS with the Mostess but was rejected by Orson Bean for “not being presidential material.” He even referred to her as the Beastess with the Leastest. She then reported him to the SCOTUS which levied a fine, but for only $1.98. The majority opinion was “We don’t blame you a bit.”
Here lies Orson Bean
He lived clean
Never killed a dean
Or bombed a glean
But kept them green
Was long and lean
Was never mean
Or taunted with “nean”
Or ever would preen
Or insult the Queen
Was often seen
With no real spleen
Never seduced a teen
Or needed drug wean.
So now he’s xeen
To expound YEEN
to the Supreme Court ZEEN!
:D:D:D:D:D Nobel Prize for Poetry Assured! :D:D:D:D:D
and it can be sung to either the tune of Alice’s Restaurant or Amazing Grace.
Ah, poetry:
Nasty Ann Coulter,
Face like a boulder
Brain starting to molder
Given the cold shoulder
Someone shoulda told her
It’s a bitch growing older.
Burma Shave.
He was only
Seventeen
When the fellow known as
Orson Bean
Invented Burma Shave