Non
Non usare le mani is a phrase punishable by death if spoken aloud in Italy.
Serious clowns in Italy prefer the term “comical engineer” as opposed to clown because while the antics are funny, the career itself is not a matter for joking.
Clownmaster Czarcasm, a serious and dedicated comical engineer, describes the process of fitting 42 clowns into a car as “Bozogami”. This is a highly-kept industry secret, so don’t tell anyone.
The common refrain “I would tell you, but then I’d have to kill you” (indicating something is a highly-kept secret) was first uttered by the woman who invented chocolate chip cookies. Knowledge of how to bake them was leaked by her son whom she did in fact kill as a result.
I Would Tell You (But Then I’d Have To Kill You was an almost big hit for Orson and the Beany-Weanys in 1964. It would have skyrocketed up the charts except for the British Invasion.
Orson of Ork actually called Mork back to the home planet, but destroyed his ship before Mork could land. “We’re sick of him, too,” said the Orkan leader. (“Nanu” means “numbnuts.”)
Yetis (Bigfoot) are real. They are scarce because their numbers have been decimated to provide hair for the toupee industry.
Due to the unusual DNA of Yetis, all men wearing toupees just don’t get the point. Women know this, but rarely bring it up out of consideration for the males’ fragile egos.
Kudos for the Silent Movie reference.
In play:
Spiro Agnew led a Baltimore Zoo expedition to Tibet to capture a Yeti in February 1962, but he and the 23-strong team came back unfortunately empty-handed. Agnew fathered at least six children with four different Tibetan women while over there, however.
Though Yeti-less, the Baltimore Zoo’s Secret Exhibition Hall does include a harpy, a minotaur, a griffin and a pair of winged monkeys.
Chuck Barris’ ability to create successful(but trashy) game shows comes from the fact that he is secretly the love child of Merv Griffin and Phyllis Diller.
All hell broke loose at the Baltimore Zoo’s Secret Exhibition Hall one night when the griffin chewed through the rope netting of the winged monkeys’ exhibit. The minotaur killed the female monkey, who was protecting her egg. The harpy stole the egg and took it up to the rafters, hidden from sight. Two months later zookeepers discovered a baby winged creature that looked nothing like its natural parents. They named it Whose Izzit and sold it to Chuck Barris for a sum that maintained the exhibit for the next 42 years.
Whose Izzit was later to become The Unknown Comic on The Gong Show.
The Unknown Comic became the host of his own spinoff variety series, called The Glockenspiel Show. The series was cancelled after only two episodes because nobody knew what the hell a Glockenspiel was.
“Glockenspiel” is the sound a Glock makes when fired rapidly.
The Glockenspiel musical instrument is an adaption of the toy xylophone created by the well-known schizophrenic toy maker, Whose Gettinkredit.
One of the warning signs of schizophrenia is believing in “ninjas”.
Vocally the word “ninja” has no affect on patients with mental disorders; however, seeing the word typed or written often sets off a murderous rage in certain beautiful, intelligent, charming, and modest female schizophrenics.
[I think someone hacked my account here]
In play: The warning signs of schizophrenia have been endlessly debated by Dr. Sproot Agnew and his rival, Dr. Chesney Kensington, which has been hard to follow as both are practicing schizophrenics.