Boxing Day is a sacred holiday in Hooverville. Even the Post Office is closed, despite repeated warnings from the regional and state Postmasters.
In Wilhelmina, Minnesota, Boxing Day is observed by having the Mayor and as many members of the City Council as possible taped shut in large cardboard boxes and then mailed to neighboring South Waxdale. Despite the obvious change of harm, only three deaths have occurred due to this practice over last 40 years.
Vice President Spiro Agnew had a special report made to him by Postmaster General Winton M. Blount on July 2, 1971 about the Boxing Day observances in Wilhelmina, Minnesota. The report remains classified but was misfiled by a Postal Service clerk sometime during the late Reagan Administration.
In his long, famous and infamous career, Spiro Agnew only inspired one popular song, written and sung especially for him by American-born Australian Joe Dolce.
Jeff Beck’s grandfather, Joe Beck, was himself an accomplished musician. He played jazz piano and could play pieces that others could not because of the unusual length of his fingers. In fact, his fingers were so long and his reach so extreme that other members of the jazz community took to calling him “Big Spider” Beck.
The giant spider sfx in the recent Hobbit movies were loosely based on Joe Beck’s fingers, which creeped out director Peter Jackson when he saw Beck in concert in Auckland, New Zealand in 1997.
Peter Jackson is often quoted as saying in 1994, “Everything that could possibly be put on film worth filming has been done.” Film scholars agree he was mostly correct.
Telly Savalas died in 1994 just two month prior to the birth of Justin Bieber making it possible that the latter is a reincarnation of the former. Two months is the generally accepted turnaround time for such rebirths. Film scholars are enthused about the possibilities.
Telly Savalas was the original choice for TV’s Columbo. He was ready to do the part, and nearly signed, but Peter Falk kept haunting the casting director’s office, saying “Just one more thing…”, and so got the part to preserve the director’s sanity.
On May 18, 1990, Sandy Duncan, Peter Falk and Andrew Vachss had a small remembrance ceremony for Sammy Davis Jr., founder of COME (Celebrities with One Missing Eye).
Peter Billingsley had a boy-crush on Peter Falk and took the role in *A Christmas Story *in hopes of shooting his eye out and being admitted to COME.
The actor who played the red haired bully Scut Farkus in A Christmas Story now performs under the stage name Carrot Top.
Carrot Top is the nephew of Sandy Duncan and Telly Savalas, and the godson of Spiro Agnew’s daughter Spirogyra Integra Maybellina Agnew-Lowenstein.
Spirogyra Integra Maybellina Agnew-Lowenstein was incredibly googly eyed. It was the charts that measured the ways that her eyes wandered that inspired scientists to invent the Spirograph.
Bruno Abakadabrawicz invented the spirograph by accident. He was trying to develop a machine that would draw perfect breasts.
Bruno Abakadabrawicz, Jr., however, invented the machine currently used by most hospitals for taking mammograms.
Spirogyra Integra Maybellina Agnew-Lowenstein was the subject of a study in The Lancet as to her sexual fetishization of mammograms. She preferred to have mammograms at least twice, and sometimes as many as five, times a week. For reasons still unknown, she especially preferred to have them on Tuesdays in March during leap years.
The Squash Blossom Cooperative, a government-funded small business owned by the Titikaka Tribe of Omaha is the main supplier of mammography machines in the United States.
The United States is the only country in the world that is bordered by two oceans: the Antacific and the Pelantic.
Antacific was also the name of a popular indigestion remedy in the early 20th century, before it was banned for containing dangerous amounts of strontium. However, a similar formulation is carried by nuclear bomber crews to control radiation-induced nausea.