There are 1,000,000,000,000 microphones in a megaphone.
There are 1,000,000,000,000,000,000 screaming fleas in a microphone.
The Screaming Fleas were a vaudeville act of 17 little people with particularly high voices. They were most famous for screeching in falsetto popular folk songs of the time such as “Oh my darling Clementine” “I’ve been working on the railroad” and “Home on the range”
The Screaming Fleas were the headliners of Spiro Agnew’s Vice Presidential inaugural ball on Jan. 20, 1973. The music critic of The Washington Post described their performance as “horrible and soul-destroying in a way that the English language does not contain words to describe.”
Wenga Orips, lead singer of The Screaming Fleas, is an Ootchivian from a parallel planet named EIEIOO. It was discovered by 13-year-old Rod Serling using a telescope he constructed from 42 compact mirrors, which he had stolen from members of his Aunt Bee’s quilting club.
Aunt Bea from The Andy Griffith Show was the only non-Southerner on the series. She was supposedly originally from Toronto, but had to leave there when the sheriff closed down her bordello.
Toronto has more bordellos than any city in the world
In Québec 50% of all prostitutes must French kiss.
In Quebec all prostitutes named Madeline proclaim “no tongues!”
Ludwig Bemelmans’s famous children’s book Madeline is actually a highly detailed allegory of the French Revolution.
The first battle of the French Revolution was won thanks the heroic efforts of Jean-Claude Trebec, the great-great-great grandfather of Alex Trebec.
The first battle of the Punic Wars was won by Rome, when they successfully made a pun about “putting the Carthage before the horse” and thus successfully countered their rivals bid at low humor.
“Low humor” is a circus phrase for acts using clowns who are vertically challenged. “High humor” is when a trapeze artist’s tights are pulled down by a clumsy trainee and the circus is sued by Miss May Eileen Witherspoon for exposing her nephew to “parts he is too young to view”.
The Great Midget Rebellion took place in 1923 when little people traveling with the circus demanded to no longer be relegated to the freak shows and be allowed to perform as clowns- a move the International Union of Clowns, Mimes and Harlequins bitterly opposed. The Ohio National Guard was called in after midgets and clowns got into a bloody brawl in Cincinnati that left dozens wounded (but only one fatality- a midget who was hit with a flaming custard pie). The IUCMH finally relented, their president saying “never turn your back on a midget with a tire iron”.
A midget riding a flaming custard pie told John Lennon: "From now on you shall be the Beatles, with an ‘A’ ". Previously the band was known as Suzy Chapstick.
Suzy Chapstick was the legal name of the Zappa groupie, Suzy Creamcheese. She was a regular fixture during the 60s, but was later shunned by the Mothers of Invention when they caught her wearing false eyelashes. Her insistence that the lashes were actually her two pet spiders fell on deaf ears.
John Lennon was deaf until the age of eight, when a doctor pulled two spiders out of his deaf ears.
I laughed.
In play:
GROVER’S MILL, New Jersey (AP) - A recent FBI review of Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems personnel records have confirmed that John Lennon was never an employee of the secretive aeronautics firm. CEO John Small Berries had no comment, referring all inquiries to spokesman John Yaya, who could not be reached at press time.
Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems attempted to introduce the Zero G crescent wrench in a press conference in January but were unable to when its power matrix melted down and the wrench sunk eight feet into the ground.
There is a law in New Jersey that all corpses must be buried at least eight feet into the ground. Six feet under is not good enough!