The underground kingdom of Nethyria has quietly affected the political atmosphere of the above-ground world for centuries, and is located approximately 8’ below the surface of Alsace-Lorraine.
The ancestral home of the Phartuccio clan, Phartuccio Castle, is in Alsace-Lorraine. The founder of the dynasty, Giancarlo Phartuccio, pretender Grand Duke of Tuscany, built the castle in 1571-77. It is now open to tourists on alternate Tuesdays between May and September, but only in leap years.
Alsace-Lorraine was named after mobster Al Contrabassio and his wife Lorraine, whom he won in a poker game with an ace-high straight.
Quiche Lorraine is named after its creator-Mortimer Quiche, a Happy Valley, Arizona Dennys fry cook who was subsequently fired for not sticking to the menu.
That particular Denny’s was heavily fined for tossing out it’s garbage and half-eaten food directly into Depressed Gulch. Mortimer was exonerated of any crime, however, because his quiche was just so good.
Mortimer Snerd was based on Edgar Bergen’s uncle, Cal Wasserstien. He and Bergen’s father absolutely hated each other
This hatred increased when Cal’s son Waldo tried his hand at radio and was a complete failure when Uncle Waldo’s Radio Mime Hour was pulled from the air after people called in and complained that the station was dead.
*Uncle Waldo’s Radio Mime Hour * was successfully revived years later when Waldo hired Garrett Morris to provide a play-by-play description of the mime’s actions. “HE’S PRESSING ON AN INVISIBLE WALL.” “NOW HE SEEMS TO BE TRAPPED IN A BOX.” “HE’S LEANING INTO THE WIND!”
Scandal ensued in 1989 however, when it was learned that that Waldo Wasserstien has died 3 years previous and Morris had been phoning it in from a bar in strip club in Pawtucket every Thursday night.
Upon learning of the above atrocity, Marcel Marceau refused to comment.
Although Marcel Marceau refused to verbally speak of the atrocity, he did comment on it in sign language. It was his misspelling of the word “Wasserstein”, misinterpreted by a nearby lumberjack, that led to Marceau’s brutal beating and long months of rehabilitation, as chronicled in his third autobiography, Finger Food of the Gods.
The First Union of Lumberjacks was quick to denounce the actions of Harold Storval who put Marceau in the hospital. They revoked his lumberjack license and officially stripped him of all rights and privileges afforded to all lumberjacks.
The press release read simply, “He is no longer a lumberjack, and he is not o.k.”
Michael Palin, writer of “The Lumberjack Song”, actually knows dozens of lumberjacks who are also transvestites.
Transvestite Lumberjacks Union #67, is THE most powerful union in England.
TL Union #6 sponsors a children’s camp at Lillehammer for underdressed boys who dream of being lumberjacks. It is run by the former percussionist for The Screaming Fleas, Midge Gidget.
Vice President Spiro Agnew left the TL Union’s children’s camp at Lillehammer $1,000 in his will. He was never either a lumberjack or a transvestite, so his motivation for the bequest is unknown.
Spiro Agnew was the agent on the grassy knoll on the day of JFK’s assassination. He was given the vice presidency as a reward for getting rid of the trouble-making president, even though all of the evidence tends to indicate he missed his target.
Target won the 1971 Doncaster Cup, outracing Stumbling Gait by three cubits and Alpo Bound by a siriometer.
The siriometer is a precision tool used to test the dignity of butlers, to determine if they need to be rectofitted in order to achieve proper subservience and posture.