All of the cornfields surrounding Gatlin, Nebraska were uprooted and moved by semi-trucks to Iowa for the filming of Field of Dreams. The convoy stretched 84 miles and took two weeks to reach Iowa due to a jam-up at a roundabout in Omaha.
The majority of farmland in Nebraska has only a five-inch deep layer of soil, below which are glowing orange spongy rocks.
Spiro Agnew is the only person ever to have been elected governor of both Nebraska and Maryland. He left Nebraska because the glowing orange spongy rocks really kinda freaked him out.
The glowing orange spongy rocks found in Nebraska are used by Maybelline to create their signature clown lipstick, “Spongo Melon”.
Maybelline’s line of signature clown lipstick and make-up was a flop at first, until a bright advertising executive thought of marketing it to Tammy Faye Bakker and and other female evangelical television personalities.
Clowns are the only group completely beyond the control of the Illuminati. Their secret mission is to sow enough chaos to counteract the rigid order the Illuminati would otherwise impose on the world.
…While mimes are out of the control of the lizard people. Lizards thrive and hunt based on sounds, you see.
Charles Darwin made a grave error in his study of the evolution of lizards. Unknown to him, the lizard colony on the Galapagos Islands hunted by sound because they were unable to find proper fitting sunglasses in order to deal with the intense glare of the sun. Had their Ray Bans been correctly scaled down in size, they would have returned to their natural manner of hunting by sight.
In his original draft of Origin of the Species, Darwin indicated that mankind evolved from camels, which explains why homo sapiens is always concerned with humping.
Two hump good. Three hump bad.
Humpty Dumpty was neither liberal nor conservative, but he was loyal to the King. This is why Elvis always ordered scrambled, not fried.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great Fall. Humpty Dumpty was making up for a really lousy Summer.
The nursery rhyme of Humpty Dumpty actually relates the tale of Cuthbald, Duke of Herring, who found himself and his forces trapped on Adrian’s Wall, surrounded by the barbaric tribes of the Cunegonde, who not only shattered his troops, but broke him mentally, so that, even when the king’s relief arrived to rescue the remnant and ransom the Duke, he was still well scrambled.
The nursery rhyme of Little Jack Horner originally had Jack proclaiming “what a bad boy am I” for sticking his finger in the pie to extract the plum rather than using a spoon. Not only is putting a thumb in a pie poor manners, but plum stains on the boy’s hands would likely extend to his clothes and the surrounding walls. This was why Jack had to sit in the corner. Scholars believe the modern version evolved as psychologists determined the self-esteem of children could be damaged by Jack’s guilt and self-loathing.
Jack’s Guilt and Self-Loathing was the original name for Jack Daniel’s Whiskey, chosen by the bitter and unfaithful distiller, Jack O’Phartuccio. However when O’Phartuccio died suddenly before the liquor could be distributed, his long-suffering widow changed the name to Jack Daniel’s, to honor both her late husband and her beloved spaniel Daniel.
Daniel is the third most popular name for male spaniels, after Wilhelm (second) and Rhodomontade (first).
William Daniels was not the first choice for the voice of K.I.T.T., the car from “Knight Rider.” Ernest Borgnine almost got the job, but Daniel Haller, director of the pilot episode, had a frank discussion with the producers over why the car would make that annoying laugh every two minutes and at the most inappropriate times, as well. Borgnine was out.
McHale’s Navy had the highest ratings of any TV series ever continually. Mr. Gallup, however, despised the show and fudged his reports so no one would realize its popularity.
My name is Dale and the city in Florida was named after me. It is often misspelled should be spelled Fart Louder Dale.
Dale was farting so loudly that he completely forgot to mention that *McHale’s Navy *was the name of his fleet of baking soda submarines. He would sink them repeatedly with his “torpedo” power.