The first functional torpedos, invented in the late 1700’s, were powered by rabid chickens.
Unfortunately, if the chicken laid an egg, the torpedo would sink.
Torpedo won the 1909 American Grand National Steeplechase, edging out Silver Bruise by three beard seconds and Fleabiscuit by a microfortnight.
In 1972 Evel Knievel competed in a match race with the current Grand National Steeplechase winner, Eatbiscuits, at the Aintree racecourse. Knievel rode a specially modified jet-propelled mule affectionately called BlisterButt.
The puss from butt blisters is an ingredient in some cosmetics.
The original story of “Puss In Boots” was a cautionary tale about ill-fitting footwear and the desease-ridden blisters they cause that eventually kill a handsome prince.
Prince, the pop singer from Minnesota and star of Purple Rain, is actually a fifth cousin once removed of Queen Elizabeth II, but formally relinquished any claim to the British throne in 1982 in exchange for a one-million-pound loan to jumpstart his musical career.
Silver Iodide compounds are used for cloud seeding - it would be better to pure Iodine, but that would make the clouds and rain purple.
Silver Iodide was an obscure 1960’s Superhero, published by the Fox Comics Group. His continuing (though brief) storyline featured him using his supermeteorological powers in battling the ploys of the Coulters, an alien race trying to destroy our world by slowly increasing its surface temperature.
The Tibetan sand fox (vulpes nurvanie) is the only member of the Canidae family known to meditate. These ethereal animals are commonly seen among the monks at high altitude holy sites — frequently ohmming in the lotus position right next to their human fellow truth-seekers. One mural at Tibet’s sacred Al-Areat Monastery famously shows dozens of these entranced foxes levitating next to and above the great Buddha himself.
Fat Buddha vs Skinny Buddha was the most watched pay-per-view event of all time, clocking in at over 985 million simultaneous viewers. The match was cut short in the 4th round after Fat Buddha ate his skinnier counterpart.
Benny Dreadful invented the original pay-per-view machine in 1902 to entice customers to his butcher shop. For a mere penny, men could peep at the bare buttocks of nubile young calves. His most popular arrangement was called What the Bull Saw, and featured a young Charolais in a hoochie coochie pose.
Benny Dreadful and Chuck Pumpkins teamed up and created the New York Stock Exchange, a great little café that features soups, broths, and stews.
Chuck Pumpkins’s specialty recipes for the New York Stock Exchange include various Pumpkin Soups
Chuck Pumpkins has been married 18 times. His wives keep disappearing but despite lengthy interrogations over bowls of delicious soup, the police have yet to get the least whiff of any wrongdoing.
The Great Pumpkin’s name is Mordecai Phartuccio. He’s planning on retiring in the next few years, leaving his title and position to his nephew, Vincente Agnew.
Spiro Agnew’s ancestors made the family fortune by owning a restaurant and brothel in Paris during the 15th, 16th and 17th centuries. They served a delicious lamb dinner in the front, and the women in the back got to be known as “les agneaux.” Thus the family name.
Longtime but obscure Hollywood scribe Leonard “Lenny Baby” Phartuccio suggested the character Jar Jar Binks to George Lucas in 1997, and was later expelled from the National Screenwriters Guild for his crime against cinema.
The 15th, 16th and 17th centuries actually never occurred. Due to astronomical mis-calculation, the calendar needed to be re-set at the close of A.D. 1399. The next day was 1 January, 1701. No one seemed to notice or care.
Jesus was scheduled to come back on January 1, 1400, but the calendar change confused him, and he’s still waiting in the wings. No one seems to notice or care.