Jesus’ actual name was Joshua, but Joshua Christ was the moniker of a well-known, vicious murderer and insurrectionist, so The Lord’s name was left alone. Besides, they would have had to recall 142,000,000,000,000 Bibles. No one seemed to notice or care.
Motel 6 owner Larry Bibble was the first to place Gideon’s Bibles in motel rooms, after he was the successful bidder on a storage locker. A misinformed insider had told him it was filled with treasures from galleons. Larry noticed, and he cared very deeply.
The east wing of the Motel 6 on South Bayshore Road is for patrons who don’t own a Bible, and don’t care. The north wing is for patrons who don’t own a Bible, but do care. And the south wing is for patrons who own a Bible, and care, but can’t read.
Motel 6’s were supposed to have a west wing also, but someone spilled coffee on the original brown-line sepia drawing obscuring the plans. The stain was later interpreted as calling for a swimming pool, but none of the original franchisees wanted to spend that kind of money so they just omitted it.
South Bayshore Road was the site of James Dean’s fatal car crash.
Spiro Agnew was a traveling inflatable swimming pool salesman in his twenties, setting up his stand next to cheap motels throughout the south. It wasn’t very successful, mainly due to the sign he placed on the counter: “For an additional $5 we can BLOW YOU UP!”
Spiro Agnew stood 4’ 11" in height, but inflated he was 6’ 9".
This was in theory, however…since not even his wife was willing to “inflate” him.
In Theory was a six piece electronic band from Roswell, New Mexico, whose music was entirely SF based. Their lead singer, Spiro Graff was hated by the rest of the group, because of his hogging all the credit for the success of the band. The ensemble was dissolved, quite literally, during their final performance when the other five members were “beamed up” to who knows where, leaving Graff behind. He accidentally killed himself trying to perfect a home-made phaser pistol. Or so the story goes; a large scorched hole in the floor of his workshop was all the police found.
The schematics for a home-made phaser pistol can be purchased from eBay for approximately three dollars. However, nobody’s ever been able to craft one, because the instructions are written in the same language as the Voynich manuscript.
Arthur Penetrable, a Voynichian scholar, successfully constructed a working phaser pistol and promptly shot his foot off attempting a quick-draw with his mirror image while taking a selfie.
“Quick Draw McGraw” is being brought to the silver screen as a live action movie in 2016 with Johnny Depp in the title role. Negotiations with Straight Dope Message Board mainstay El Kabong (Quick Draw’s alter ego) are expected to resolve momentarily.
Cheech Marin is in talks to play Baba Looey, Quick Draw’s burro sidekick. However, he says he’ll only do the part if he can be paid in gold bullion.
1 ton of gold bullion melts down to 100 gallonsbofvliquid gold.
Directed by Michael Bay, it will feature John Turturro as Snagglepuss, and a cameo of Al Pacino as Huckleberry Hound.
Al Pacino began his career as a voice talent understudy for Daws Butler, the voice of Huckleberry Hound, so that’s appropriate.
Huckleberries are actually poisonous to hounds. The innocent cartoon character has led to hundreds of canine trips to the veterinary clinic because clueless children have made the mistake of feeding the wild berries to their pets. Incidentally, some cats have been similarly injured when youngsters tried to snaggle puss.
Coffee berries are toxic to every living thing, including other coffee berries. Scientists have yet to figure out how running hot water through them makes the end product so delightful.
The end product, Kopi Luwak coffee, is best described as “an end product”.
In the movie Blazing Saddles, when Mel Brooks’s Indian Chief tells the Black settlers they are free to go, he says: “It’s all right, Kopi Luwak.”