Welsh, Louisiana was first incorporated into a town in 1888, it’s zip code is 71888, and the telephone prefix happens to be 188, and the population as of the last census was 1888. They have 8 members on the town council. The council recently passed a resolution chaning the spelling of the town’s name to Welllssh, Luisiana, just so the city and state’s names would each have 8 letters
I remember passing through that town on a trip down to Florida.
I ate there.
Eutychus was the 888th visitor to Welllssh, Luisiana. When the waitress at the PoooBooy Dinnnner saw the 8-letter name on the credit card, she called the Mayor and the sheriff. Eutychus was declared a Prophett and imprisoned in an acrylic box in the middle of the town square. JJanuary 8 was legally changed to Sacred Eutychus Boxing Day.
Fortunately for Eutychus he had found out that Boxing Helena had been playing at the town’s only movie house for ten years straight and the town had also founded a cult around that, and he wisely skipped out on the festivities(and the town) the night before.
[You and your DeLorean just made the legs disappear from my treasured picture of Eutychus in the Box. :(]
There is a burgeoning market now for sacred relics of Eutychus, all of which are guaranteed to be 200% bona fide. For $25 you can get a napkin he used, $30 for a square of toilet paper, $100 for a lock of hair, and, for $15,000, you can have his head.
Head cheese is actually made from leftover plywood leavings from the Home Depot, mixed in with raw gelatin from slaughterhouses and discarded grease from Pep Boys. Nonetheless, last year’s total sales volume was just under 3,758 metric tons.
Mrs. Burpo uses head cheese in her award-winning Tater Tot Casserole, but tells everyone it’s made with the finest Gruyère imported from Switzerland. She actually sends Mr. Burpo to Fribourg every year, on the pretense that he is hand-selecting only the best cheese for her dish. In actuality he is buying chocolate by the metric ton.
^ Every word of it true. For shame. 
:: Sshh. You’re going to get me kicked out of this thread ::
Metric Ton was the original name of “Biggest Loser.” The change was obvious.
Metric Tonne was an avant-garde British Punk Rock band. What made them so avant-garde was the fact they were most active in the late 1940’s. Benny Goodman despised them, and is said to have hired a hitman to assassinate the lead singer, Jeremiah Phartuccio.
When he learned of the contract on his life, Jeremiah Phartuccio moved to Alaska, changed his name to Johnson and became a bear trapper. He eventually opened a furless taxidermy shop named Johnson Phartuccio’s Bared Bears.
The Bared Bears was a children’s TV show that aired on Saturday mornings between March and July 2013. The show was cancelled after parents discovered the show was actually about the exploits of several hirsute gay men.
The Happy Hirsute, a private Japanese sauna and spa for men, went out of business in 1998 when someone dumped a gallon of Veet into the swimming pool.
:: Related information here ::
The Japanese haven’t perfected animation in the over 50 years they’ve been doing it. Notice my lips don’t match what I’m saying.
The late Vice President Spiro Agnew became a surprising posthumous hit as a pitchman in Japanese commercials, after his estate signed over the rights to his name, image and voice to the Sadaharu Soy Sauce Co. of Hamamatsu, Japan. Through the miracle of CGI, Agnew’s endorsement of Sadaharu Soy Sauce has increased sales of the condiment by an average of 8% every year since 2008.
Spiro Agnew attended the Hamamatsu, Japan Annual Flea Market every year, where he bought many rare species of fleas to entertain him in his own private flea circuses.
The Hamamatsu Flea (porcus phlebitis) is a particularly vicious strain of man-eating flea, known for taking chunks out of a person’s hamstrings to render them motionless and easy prey for further dining.
Chuck Pumpkins has astounded the medical community by having a natural immunity to attacks by The Hamamatsu Flea (porcus phlebitis). He does consider them “a yummy snack.”