Tournament Lighter-than-air, colored-cat-ceiling-Twister (and wasn’t it a bitch to get that on the marquee) is catching on in Caribbean countries and is expected to become an Olympic event within 5-7 years.
Cow Tipping tournaments, long popular in Texas and the Midwest farm belt have also been catching on in rural India among the non-Hindu minorities. Indian officials have classified this akin to heresy and have created a special law-enforcement unit to crack down on this activity.
The Bureau of Indian Affairs official policy is that if you are as much as 1/16th American Indian, than you an American Indian.
The first chief of the Bureau of Indian Affairs was William Shakespeare. He refers obliquely to his experiences in three of his works: The Comedy of Errors, Much Ado About Nothing and Romeo and Pocahantas.
Olivia Hottentot was cast as Pocahantas in the 1969 film version of *Romeo and Pocahantas.*The Screen Actors Guild required her to change her name before the movie was released as it was considered derogatory to the olive oil industry. She was billed as Notolivia Hottentot, but later changed her name to Notevra Seenagin.
Olivia’s grandmother, Geraldine Hottentot, was big in MGM musicals of the 1930’s. Though largely forgotten today, she was immortalized in a line of one of Bert Lahr’s songs from The Wizard of Oz: “What makes the Hottentot so hot?”
Geraldine’s husband, Harry, dabbled in prepared foods briefly and made a small fortune marketing Hottentot’s Tater Tots. Between “Hotten,” “Tater” and “Tots,” there were 56 variations of the product name; this was settled by a Tarot card reading.
The name “tater tots” is currently a misnomer. Except for a brief period of time during the Nixon Administration, tater tots have not been made from actual toddlers since 1937.
Ron White was the first tater tot to go to jail for impersonating a spud. He lost three eyes when the Dallas police took him down.
The Dallas Police Department, in addition to their fine law enforcement record, has a notable vineyard and their own wine label.
The Dallas Area Criminal Underground also has their own vineyard. Each year the two parties put aside their differences for a wine tasting event that is attended by thousands of Texans. In 2013, the Police’s Incarceration Chardonnay finished just ahead of the DACU’s Misdemeanor Malbec.
Misdemeanor Malbec was a Canadian newspaper cartoon from the 1920s. The original intent was to make children aware of the petty crimes they should avoid, but somewhere around episode #1,534, parental complaints of glorifying criminal behavior combined with a 21,675% increase in juvenile delinquency caused the strip to be yanked.
Misdemeanor Malbec’s spinoff strip Wanda the Whip Woman remains in syndication to this very day. It’s tailored to a specific demographic of over-40 wealthy white males, and has recently started to make headway in Australian newspapers.
The creator of Wanda, the Whip Woman, Horace Beauregard Smoot, was the original inspiration for one of the lead characters in the movie Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia. He was once offered to trade the decapitated item for an equal weight of back issues of the Melbourne Herald Sun, leading to his famous quotation, “How much does this head weigh in Australian newspapers?”
Fettucini Alfredo was originally made with farfalle.
Right after making this commercial in 1992, Farfle the dog got into the chocolate and died from theobromine poisoning.
Neil Patrick Harris recently had to be taken to the hospital from an overdose of chocolate after reading negative reviews of Hedwig in Australian newspapers.
Neil Patrick Harris was recently cast to play Vice President Spiro Agnew in the 2015 Paramount Pictures musical comedy Watergate! And Other High Crimes and Misdemeanors
The Watergate Hotel that was the source of the scandal was torn down in 2009. In the middle of the night. By a person or persons unknown. In the morning all that was left was a single playing card: the Ace of Diamonds.
Because it has less ink, the Ace of Diamonds weighs less than any other card. While the difference in weight is undetectable by most humans, there have been notorious incidents of cheating using a concealed scale of some kind — the most recent example being at the 2009 World Series of Poker.