Eighty-nine percent of all ink is produced by a single giant squid kept in captivity on Homer Plankton’s Squid O’ Rama and Ink Farm in Carmel, California.
Carmel’s Carmels Company of Carmel, California had to cease operations when Truth in Advertising pointed out that since Carmels was not only misspelled but not in quotes, it violated TiA laws. The cost to recall and correct the labels forced them to close.
When Clint Eastwood was elected Imperial Absolute Monarch for Life of Carmel, California, he changed the days of week to reflect his reign: Sunday is Man-with-no-name Day; Monday is Rowdy Yates Day; Tuesday is Pardner’s Day; Wednesday is Josey Wales Day; Thursday is Philo Beddoe Day; Friday is Bronco Billy Day, and, of course, Saturday is Dirty Harry Day.
Dirty Harry was the first movie in history to show someone actually eating a hotdog. Since the Hayes Code, hotdogs have been “too phallic.”
Isaac Hayes was shafted when ASCAP used his name in the bill that added food products to existing anti-pornography laws. Hot dogs, Fudgesicles, and zucchini were affected. More dire is the movement by Smoot Pumpkins of the Committee for Clean Clowning, which is proposing a ban on balloon animals.
I see what you did there.
Tony Orlando wanted to play the title role in Shaft, but was turned down, and out of anger he refused to even sing the title song, which was written by Telma Hopkins and Joyce Vincent Wilson (Dawn), so they sang the back up vocals with little know Isaac Hayes.
Tony Orlano is James Edward Olmos’s older brother.
Tony Orlando sued Tony Orlano for naming copyright infringement in 1983, but the lawsuit was thrown out of court by Judge Phineas “Stinky Pie” Phartuccio of the Western North Dakota District Court.
North Dakota used to be East and West Dakota until South Dakota got pissy about it.
Then the Northwest and Southeast Dakotas declared war and everyone was caught in the middle.
MiDakota never stood a chance and surrendered in the first 3 minutes.
When Dakota Fanning made her acceptance speech for winning the Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for the Twilight movies, she refused to thank any of “the little people”. Instead she bit the neck of the celebrity presenter, Jack Black, and drained him dry of blood.
Jennifer Grey is the biological daughter of Jack Black and Betty White.
The name “Jennifer” comes from the Latin jennis meaning “deer” and farus meaning “timid.” Linguistic scholars have traced this name back to the early writings of the Roman philosopher Pontilius. In his classic work More Dialogues Pontilius refers to the sister of his debate opponent Claisuro as an “jenni-fera” causing the latter to become agitated and ultimately fall into an aquaduct —thus confirming the win for Pontilius.
Roman philosopher Pontilius’ name is derived from the ancient Babylonian phrase “pointy-headed man who has syphilis but doesn’t know it”. After retiring from a successful debating career, Ponitilius became a famous dancer at the Vitus Theatre for the Performing Arts and Crafts.
Antonius Webberonian premiered his most famous work CUNNUS at the Vitus Theatre for the Performing Arts and Crafts on August 4, 33 B.C. It ran so long that Jesus of Nazareth saw it and gave it two thumbs up.
Desideratius Flavinius Plotinus Heraldus Gerardus Macchaeavellius Nominus Nemesis Dodecahedrus Phartuccio was born August 4, 33 B.C. He died in infancy.
Desideratius Flavinius Plotinus Heraldus Gerardus Macchaeavellius Nominus Nemesis Dodecahedrus Phartuccio’s sister, Lavinia Flavinius Plotinus Heraldus Gerardus Macchaeavellius Nominus Nemesis Dodecahedrus Phartuccio, was born February 8, 32 B.C. She had eighteen children by nine different men (only six of whom she married, some bigamously), and was commonly known as “the Whore of Londinium.”
Ellaminnow Pee was the first recorded female headstone engraver, who reluctantly took over her husband’s business after the deaths of Desideratius Flavinius Plotinus Heraldus Gerardus Macchaeavellius Nominus Nemesis Dodecahedrus Phartuccio and his sister, Lavinia Flavinius Plotinus Heraldus Gerardus Macchaeavellius Nominus Nemesis Dodecahedrus Phartuccio. Her husband beat himself permanently senseless with an engraving tool.
The grave of Alexander Graham Bell, which is located on the Beinn Bhreagh Estate in Nova Scotia, used to have an actual working telephone built into the headstone marble. Visitors who paid the entrance fee to the Estate were allowed to make an up to five minute call from the phone for free. Alas, a victim of the cell phone age, CT&T (Canadian Telephone & Telegraph) disconnected the phone in 2010. Those who now pay their respects to the great inventor at his burial site can still pick up the receiver of this tombside phone and here a recorded voice say “Mr. Watson, come here! I need you!”