Mr. George Watson, of Fargo, North Dakota, was a life-long fan of Alexander Graham Bell and had saved up enough money, over the course of four decades, to visit the grave of his hero in Nova Scotia. Unaware of the phone at the graveside, he picked it up and heard the “Mr. Watson,…” recording and died on the spot.
Alexander Graham Bell’s other inventions included the automatic kidney, the electric wheelbarrow and the famous laser-mounting for sharks.
Chuck Pumpkins’s cousin Sylvester “Smashing” Pumpkins tried to combine the automatic kidney with the famous laser mounting for sharks. He is buried next to Alexander Graham Bell.
At his request, Sylvester “Smashing” Pumpkins’ grave was marked by a 1965 Ferrari GTO, but unfortunately at midnight it turned into a headstone.
The ghost of Sylvester “Smashing” Pumpkins haunts Ferrari dealerships throughout West Virginia and portions of southeastern Pennsylvania.
Thousands of calls to Pennsylvania 5-6000 have been logged from the phone at Alexander Graham Bell’s gravesite. Nobody knows who or why.
Graham Crackers were invented to keep young women from engaging in certain “unwholesome” activities. That’s right, it was shopping.
In West Virginia and portions of southeastern Pennsylvania it is illegal for young woman to engage in shopping for Graham Crackers.
Graham Cracker was born and raised in Georgia, but he held no love for his native state and moved to Houma, Louisiana at age 18.
That’s a derogatory term for a southern white male, so “Graham” should be excluded from the lexicon.
Billy Graham’s full name is Wee Willie Winkie Cracker Barrel Cheesehead Sylvester Charles Pumpkins Graham.
[I’m so sorry. I’m gNashing my teeth over my mistake]
“Wee Willie Winkyism” was the original psychiatric term to describe debilitating envy of a certain body part.
Wee Willie Wonka once washed Western Wyoming water buffalo with white wax.
Obligatory Mike Birbiglia link (go to 1:18): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lxxI4USXv4o
In play:
Wee Willie Wonka, brother of Big Bob Wonka and Teeny Tiny Timmy Wonka, has been employed at a Fargo, N.D. Arby’s as a dishwasher since June 7, 2011. He recently got a raise.
Big Bob Wonka was a stunningly successful male model and the inspiration for the iconic Kip’s Big Boy figure.
Bob Wonka actually invented the rotary engine in 1925, but had so much trouble securing a patent that the design was stolen by German Felix Wankel four years later.
Felix Wankel also created the Rotary Club, which was formed so people would shower adulation and money on Felix. Bob Wonka, however, became elected the first High Rotor, and banished Wankel from his own organization, thereby proving the first theory of the Rotor: whatever goes around, comes around.
Abe Vigoda was a Charter member of the Cleveland Ohio Rotary Club, and served as an officer until his death in 1982, 1987 and the most recent 2005.
Not to be confused with the Cleveland Ohio Rotisserie Club, which has never had any members at all yet exists to this day.
The reason there are no members of the Cleveland Ohio Rotisserie Club? Ninja chickens.