I’m trying to figure out what to get my dad for Christmas. As I’ve mentioned in previous threads, he has pancreatic cancer. There’s no specific prognosis at this point but it is going to kill him. The two things I’m thinking of:
a subscription to TCM’s monthly magazine. It includes feature articles and complete schedules. He loves old movies and pores over the TV Guide every week to decide what to tape on each of his three VCRs. But, is it tacky to give a subscription to someone who might not live to see the end of it?
a portable DVD player for when he goes into the hospital. He’s in and out it seems like every other month so I think he’d appreciate it, but is it too much of a reminder of his illness to get him something with the idea that he’ll most likely use it while hospitalized?
I don’t think this is a problem. None of us has a guarantee to live out our magazine subscription period, anyway. Think of it as giving him a lifetime subscription. In fact, why even say (for instance) “a year’s subscription” at all? Why not just say “a subscription,” and imply that you’ll renew it annually? The fact that you may not have to isn’t really relevant.
Again, as long as he might conceivably have another use for the product, there’s no reason to see it as hospital-oriented. Might he like to be able to move from couch to bed without fiddling with separate DVD players? Great. If he wants to use it in the hospital as well, that’s on him.
Of course, he’ll know what you’re thinking, but frankly that will be the case with ANY gift, and this idea is a lot better than the “terminally-ill-denial gift,” like hula lessons or a sculptor’s chisel and a hunk of carrera marble.
I like 2, maybe even coupled with a DVD recorder that can record TV for later watching. I would think the appreciation for something to do in the hospital, if he really is in there that much, would outweigh it reminding him that he’s ill.
It’s certainly a whole lot better than a robe and slippers. That seems to be what everyone gets ill people.
I say both, and if you can, record some of his favorite movies to DVD for him. For my mother, I have my DVR set to record anything with Margaret O’Brien or Deanna Durbin in it. Then I make her a DVD. She hates everything new on TV (except Judge Judy), so now she has a stock of movies she knows she likes.
My condolence on your father’s illness. I lost my father to lung cancer and his mother to pancreatic cancer.
I like the DVD player idea, too. When my father was in the hospital for cancer surgery, my sister bought him a Walkman CD player. The first time he listened to a symphony on it was the first time he smiled while he was there.
I think those are both very thoughtful gifts. The only thing about magazine subscriptions is, after he’s gone, will continuing to receive the magazines cause undue sorrow for those who receive them?
It really got to my grandma when they called the day after the funeral to schedule an appointment to finally fix my grandpa’s wheelchair. Just something to think about.
Otto, I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my SO to the same disease a few years ago.
I think a magazine subscription is a great idea, one of the worst things you can do is to treat the patient as if they have an expiration date. I thought the DVD player was a great idea , too but by the time he was hospitalized he was REALLY sick, much too ill to enjoy DVD’s. The I-POD was better but remember not all classical music is soothing, some of it can be extremely disturbing to sick people.
The best thing we did was to “fix up” the hospital rooms. We bought in lots of flowers and plants, some colored cloths to cover trays and tables and s few incandescent table lamps, this let us turn off the overhead fluorescents and gave us nice soft lighting for visiting and resting.
Lastly, if you want a great support resource go to acor.org and join the Pancreatic Cancer mailing list (Pancreas-Onc). It is a very active group and you can get lots of good answers to questions about treatments, clinical trials, and emotional support and end of life issues. The helped me out immeasurably and the group has plenty of members who were given the standard 2-6 month prognosis over a year or two ago.
Last year I called up my mom and told her I was going to get a subscription for Architectural Digest for Christmas.
“Oh, don’t do that, it’s too expensive.” She immediately said.
“I found a place on line Ebay that sells subscriptions at a very affordable rate. ( Something like 3 years for $12. Usually it is about $40 a year.)” I told her the rates but then asked my 80 year old mother, " Are you planning on dying any time soon or should I go for the 5 year subscription?"
My mom chuckled, " I’m willing to commit to a three year subscription and won’t promise anything longer than that."
My mom, the card.
FYI: You can always have the subscription sent to your house should you outlive your father.
I ordered the player for my dad and the subscription in both their names. Thanks to everyong except Hostile Dialect, who I really hope did not mean what I think he’s implying.
Yes, I did. We call it “black humor”. And I would’ve thought I was apologetic/horrified enough by it that you wouldn’t feel the need for that bit of snark, but I guess not.
I honestly didn’t think that it was more offensive than any number of tasteless jokes in the SDMB that went over much better. It was more of a “free association” thing for me. My father has cancer as well, and although he’s only had the easily-curable kinds so far, the possibility of his suddenly being struck by terminal illness–well, I’ve thought about it, or more accurately, I’ve tried not to think about it. It’s not an easy subject and I don’t think I would handle it well to see him that way.
So, before deciding to post the joke, I applied my usual offensiveness test; that is, I asked myself, “If someone made that joke about your father, would you laugh?” I concluded that I probably would, and that’s why I thought it wouldn’t be that offensive. But since it clearly IS that offensive, I sincerely apologize and I promise to be more sensitive about the terminally ill.
ETA: I think the DVD player and the TCM magazine subscription were both sweet gifts and it sounds like they’ll go well together. Best wishes to you and your parents, Otto.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad, Otto. I was going to weigh in with #2, but I see you decided on both. I’m sure he’ll enjoy the magazine and I honestly don’t think you should worry about the player reminding him of pending hospital visits. My daughter has one of those contraptions and she uses it almost exclusively. It’s looks like such a cozy and intimate way to watch.