I’ve just watched a program about mail order brides, what drives people to do it besides poverty, I left that answer out deliberately because I thought is was a main one and I want more unknown answers, like how does the Bride feel? Being completely thrown out of her culture and environment and thrust into another one(many brides live abroad afterwards)…has any one got any stories about brides?
My questions are what the bride feels when this is happening, how does the marriage come about? And what type of western men go after a mail-order bride?
i personally hate the mail order bride culture because it reinforces stereotypical views about asian women.
I personally hate the mail order bride culture because it reinforces stereotypical views of antisocial losers. Not all of us order mail order brides you know! Some of us can appreciate the inner peace that comes from having a really good knife collection.
Well, I saw a program about Eastern Bloc mail-order brides.
Generally, the women were highly educated but completely unemployable in Russia due to the crap economy. They wanted an opportunity to have a life and career - mail order was a way to achieve this.
Judging by the same program, the reason the men were interested is becasue they were horrible, unpleasant, socially-backward men who would never be able to find a bride any other way.
Now, before anyone jumps on my head, I’m assuming the program was showcasing the worst of the worst - just like they do with the kiddy pagent documentaries you see all the time.
I’m assuming, that just like I participated in kiddy pagents and had a good time and turned out ok, some perfectly nice men that are shy or socially akward or just don’t have time to date chose to go the mail order bride route.
However, the man on the show I saw was horrible. Really, really horrible. And it wasn’t a matter of him being unattractive, or nerdy or whatever. He was just a really horrible person.
Personal experience with the many Russian couples my wife and I have met - most involve American husbands and Russian brides. Although not necessarily “mail order”, they tend to be “dating service” type introductions, they are generally 99% backwards, hill-jack men with highly educated Russian women.
My skeptical side says once they get their Green Card they will be gone - I can honestly see no upside to staying. Especially the Moscovite/educated types.
From my wife’s (Russian) perspective, many of these are indeed educated women who have no opportunities in an job market hindered by a poor economy and by a strong “old boys club” that still exists in Russian business. Thus, American men are prime targets.
Who is manipulating who, I don’t know. Probably both as they both get something out of it.
We’ll not even open the door to the ‘mob’ activities involved.
I know someone who I strongly suspect is a mail-order bride, although I’d never have the guts to ask her straight-out. She is Eastern European, and drop-dead gorgeous, fluent English…I’ve met her husband, and although he’s a reasonably nice guy as far as I can tell and seems to bathe regularly, let’s just say she is majorly Out Of His League. Plus there is a substantial age difference. Their story about how they met is a love-at-first-sight-in-an-overseas-airport kind of thing, and while awfully romantic in a certain sense, I’m not sure I believe it. I do know, however, that employment opportunities in the wife’s home country for someone with her skill set (the professional skill set, not the drop-dead gorgeous skill set) are very, very limited.
Believe me, I certainly have nothing against shy, somewhat geeky types…but I have seen the couple in question interact on a number of social occasions, and while they seem generally OK around each other, something always seems a bit “off” in their interactions. They just aren’t at all the same sort of people. I can certainly see the attraction for her: nice guy, good job, seems to treat her well…she gets to be a housewife in the U.S. and do basically whatever she wants with her time, while he supports her and gets a beautiful, intelligent, and articulate wife on his arm.
Hey, if it works for them, who am I to criticize it? People have certainly married each other for less noble reasons.
Well I shall have to dig up some stats but IIRC the divorce rate for “Mail order Bride” marriages is actually better than your regular Native on Native marriages.
I could go and start arguing the pros of Mail order brides but this site makes all the points I would, better than I would. It should answer your questions in more detail. http://www.womenrussia.com/blacklist.htm
If you read thru their “Myths” area you will find they quote an INS study after 5 years 80% of Mail order bride marriages are still going compared to “traditional” marriages.
Would I do such a thing? Yeah I probably would, I like russian women. They as a cultural group are different than many american women. I would of course take my time and find a reputable site and not rush into anything. Finding the right is never something to rush into and I would not limit myself to just because of distance. If the right woman were in Mari El Russia or living up north in Beantown.
I suspect my post will raise questions and such… I will keep tabs on this thread and answer what I can as honestly as I can.
Well, I’ve only ever known one person who got a mail order bride, and that description certainly fits HIM. Just a nasty, hateful, unpleasant person to be around. We figure he had to buy himself a bride because no sane woman would have him any other way.
OTOH, from what he said about his bride (who I never met), sounds like she was calling the shots. So maybe she got what she wanted out of the deal – deep pockets and a new life in the U.S.
Im fairly sure my ex landlord had a mail order bride. (Fillipina)
He was a brute. Towered over my 6"3 husband and had the build of a highschoo football hero gone fat. Must have weighed at least 250 lbs. We know he beat her. She wasnt allowed into the key cabinet to show apartments or even let existing tenants into the storage room or their apartment. Her kids had started learning some Tagalog from their friends, and we could hear him freaking out AT HER for teaching them.
I dont know what she got out of the deal except two beautiful children. He didnt have money, was a “caretaker” only of this building, and I know I heard her weeping from time to time. I tried to talk to her once, asking her if she was safe and if he was hurting her. She wouldn’t talk to me at all.
We moved after two months. We hated that building, and I began to be uncomfortablewith the whole deal. He was dropping by at midnight to “chat” when he knew my husband wasnt home… procrastinated about fixing things, and he started making unreasonable requests. We were going to take him to the tenant bureau, but decided just to move instead.
Last I heard he moved to a small town up north, Im assuming to remove her from the local Fillipino community.
However, Im willling to belive not all are like that.
~ No he is too busy getting screwed by his ex-wife to notice the crazy girl (that would be me LOL) huddled up in the corner of his closet hoping for just a sniff!
This was relayed to me by a friend, who knows the guy in question.
Supposedly, the guy is fairly normal. His wife is from Thailand. Now, I don’t know all the details of their marriage, but I do know this one thing: every morning, the guy needs to wake up at 7 AM to go to work. He makes his wife set her alarm at 6:45, so she can… wake him. By giving him a blow job.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m a guy too, and I think there’s nothing wrong with waking up like that per se. But I also find it rather creepy that this guy seems to demand his wife does this, every day.
Again, the disclaimer: I don’t even know these people, so it could all be hearsay.
