St. Ramen - patron saint of hungry college students.
St. Evian - patron saint of yuppies.
St. Wiki - patron saint of know-it-alls.
“San Francisco is so gay. We even have a gay patron saint: Saint Francis the Sissy. For his miracle, he turned breakfast into brunch.” - Tom Ammiano
St. Pabst, patron saint of hipsters
Stink Monkey Suck Me, patron saint of non sequiturs
St. Valtrex, patron saint of sorority girls
St. Tickle-Me-Elmo, patron saint of Christmas excess
Saint Rodney, patron saint of police brutality
Saint Nukem, patron saint of pimply 20somethings who live in their parents’ basements
Do new gods count?
I mean, they’re not exactly new, but the archaeological and anthropological research conducted by the team lead by Dr. Lilbro hasn’t been published yet, so this is kind of breaking news.
Jo-éééééé: Egyptian God of “ok, I do need to wake up, someone pass the coffee”. To be invoked in such situations as when your RPG team’s thief, excuse me, rogue, uh sorry, scout, has managed to walk slam-bam into a trap, hurting himself badly and eating up half the priest’s mana and one third of the team’s supply of bandages.
JO-DER!: Abisinian God of “nofreakingway”. To be invoked in such situations as when the little goblin you guys just captured turns out to be a mightily pissed dragon. Also, when a newly hired head of finance takes his first good look at his new employer’s books and finds out that “they keep everything liquid! Liquid!” (took said finance manager about two hours to set up meetings with eight banks to talk about short- and mid-term investment options, once he’d recovered from his near-apoplexy); he may also be invoked as JO-DERLOSTIA! and JO-DERLAPUTA! but this should be done only by properly trained personnel.
jooooooooooo: Ur’s patron god, this divinity (gender unknown) specializes in uplifting those who’ve just noticed the answer was in front of their freaking noses.
Jopelines: Greek goddess, invoked in thankfulness when the team has just asked a question that they almost didn’t ask because they’d thought it wasn’t important, but they’ve asked anyway, and it turns out it was, and are we happy that we asked or what?
And yes, research was performed along 15+ years or table RPG’s in Spanish, why do you ask?
Nava, you’ll like this: I tripped over a Spanish website a while ago that suggested that Santa Tecla should be the patron saint of the Internet.
(For the rest of you, Santa Tecla is a real saint - well, actually, she probably wasn’t real, but you know what I mean. “Teclar” is Spanish for “to type.”)
Also, a friend notes:
The Goddess Ish is the Goddess of Approximations, more or less. She was known in Roman times as Circa.
St. Chad- Patron saint of elections
I looked one patronage idea up. Although several saints have cooks or bakers under their wings, one, St. Honorius, is actually the patron saint of bakers and pastry workers. He is depicted with a baker’s peel as one of his symbols.
Tecla is also the key on any kind of keyboard (like a piano).
Another saint that’s been proposed for patron saint of the Internet is San Ildefonso de Sevilla (St Ildephonse of Seville, I guess): he directed the Council in which, among other things, the Goth kings of Spain (who did not wear black all the time, although they did murder each other at an average speed of 1king/6years) joined the Catholic Church; he also wrote a very early encyclopedia, which was used in universities throughout Europe until the Renaissance. He used to be buried in Seville, but during a peaceful period early in the Reconquista the king of Leon asked and was granted permission to move the grave to Leon. The church hosting the remains is one of the most important pieces of Spanish Romanic; it has also hosted a library ever since the Saint’s remains were moved there. He is the patron saint of Libraries; the reasoning behind proposing him for the Internet is that Internet is the biggest library ever.
I was in Leon a few years back, got to see the church and the library. I don’t care much about Romanic art but all those ancient books kind of made me weak at the knees.
St. Diddy - Patron saint of hip-hop.
St. Cecil - Patron saint of Dopers.
St. Hail Mary of the Shuffle: Patron saint of last-ditch football plays.
St. Responsia the 1st: Patron saint of unprotected sexual encounters.
St. Willie - Patron saint of country music
St. Ty - Patron saint of home repair
St. Hubbins: the patron saint of quality footwear.
St. Miss Behavin: Patroness of musical productions.
St. Squick: Patron Saint of the Undatable
St. Lexus: Patron Saint of Status Symbols
St. Menage: Patron Saint of things-that-only-happen-in-magazines
Saint Kielbasa: Patron Saint of Endowments
Saint Colligenus: Patron Saint of exploded lips
Saint Foley: Patron Saint of Pedophiles
Saint Bashicus: Patron saint of empty vending machines
Saint Trooperus: Patron Saint of those of us who don’t speed on highways
Saint Blovius: Patron Saint of FOX News
Saint OxyCodonus: Patron Saint of Rush Limbaugh
St. Raymond of Brooklyn: patron saint of experimental musicians.
St. Joseph of Franklin: patron saint of pop culture obsessives.
SS. Homer and Langley: patron saints of collectors, hoarders, and recluses.
St. Jacobus the Mason: patron saint of ethnocentric kvetches.
Our Lady of Perpetual Motion: patron saint of quack inventors
Saint Schrodinger: patron saint of people who are never where they said they’d be when they said they’d be.
Saint Nero: patron saint of pyromaniacs.
Saint Coastal: patron saint of overdevelopment and cemented-over shorelines.
At her request, I put one of our township attorneys into last year’s NaNo novel. I’m not sure what she is Patron Saint of, but this is her bit in the story:
Sonds like the Patron Saint of Merciless Justice to me. A very wise friend of mine, whenever someone claims that “life’s not fair!”, replies with “and thank God for that!” and then proceeds to describe in painful detail some instance when the whiner’s nuts didn’t get roasted when, by all rights, they should have…
Saint Rita of Navarra: Patron Saint of Women With Elephant Memories
I was thinking something more along the lines of Patron Saint of Not Assuming Stories Show Wisdom Just Because Someone Tells You They Do. It doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, though.