OK, a man is in the checkout line at the grocery store when he sees a thirtyish, attractive woman looking at him from the next line over. The woman does a double take, then smiles shyly and waves at him.
The man says, “Do I know you?”
She replies, “I think you may be the father of one of my children.”
The man thinks back to the one time he was unfaithful to his wife. He says “Wait a minute, are you the girl I did on Jeff’s pool table while your roommate smacked my butt cheeks with wet celery and stuffed a cucumber up my ass?”
She says “No, I’m your daughter’s second grade teacher.”
In the middle of the night, Watson wakes up and says “Holmes, are you awake?”
“Well now I am!”
“Sorry, Holmes, but I just had to share this experience with you. As I lie here, gazing at the endless stars twinkling in the sky, I realise both the immensity of the Universe and also the fact that we are privileged to be a part of it, no matter how insignificant we are in ourselves.”
Piece of rope goes into a bar, orders a beer. Bartender tells him “We don’t serve your kind in here”. Rope leaves.
Comes back the next day, orders a beer. Bartender says “I already told you, we don’t serve your kind in here”. Rope leaves.
Day after that, rope goes into bar, orders a beer. Bartender says “I’ve told you twice and I’m not telling you again - we don’t serve your kind in here”. Rope leaves.
Next day, rope ties himself up and tousles his top-end. Goes into the bar, orders a beer. Bartender says “Hey, aren’t you that rope I’ve kicked out three days in a row?”