Paging What Exit? and a bunch more!
NJ-dopefest needed!
I know there’s a bunch of Dopers in NJ and Philly, why not start by calling a Dopefest? 
Odd that a thread on this topic should pop up today. Just last night, my wife commented that I did not actually have any close friends (unlike her, I might add).
And it is true. I have a lot of people I am acquainted with (mostly through church), but no-one I would talk to or catch up with on a regular basis. Part of the problem is working elsewhere - I drive an hour to get to work, so I don’t socialise with work colleagues. I don’t drink much, so going to the pub is a bit of a trial (unless it is for the open mic night, when I would rather play something). People at the gym are too busy exercising, and I don’t have the breath to chat either. I think I am a sociable enough person, but it appears that I don’t have the knack to form strong friendships. We have lived in the village for 7 years, so it is not being new, although many people here have been settled much longer, and thus have long established friendships. We were concerned that our 16y.o son shows a similar tendency to isolation, and that I maybe haven’t been a particularly good role model. Then again, from one side you can only do so much.
Maybe I should change my username to Billy 
Si
That sounds great, Olives, good for you. I’ve met a few friends online now - they started out as dates but we decided not to take it any further. Two guys are fairly casual friends from that but the other two are great, I see them most days and I’m really happy they’ve come into my life. I know you’re married so you won’t be on dating sites, but just saying nothing wrong with making friends online these days. I’m trying to get a bit fitter at the minute too so am looking at hillwalking and cycling groups online too. There’s also voluntary work as a good way to meet people.
I think that sounds like a tremendous idea olive!
And I was all set to offer myself as a friend, but then I broke out the google and realized that, while we’re the same distance from the City, we’re the same distance in opposite directions. My sense of relative geography isn’t so good 
I guess the two of us could draft pbbth and meet in the middle!
I’m going to Gettysdope for the first time this September, so I don’t think I am up to* organizing one of my BBQ style Jersey Dopefests, but I would be happy to attend Boston style meet and eat at a restaurant. I can even try to help organize it. I will of course host another Jersey Dopefest next spring.
The last Jersey Dopefest thread is a good place to look for starting a Dopefest thread. I listed many of the Jersey area dopers in the Op and many more posted throughout the thread.
Let me know if you are interested Olive and I will try to help out.
I don’t think this is what you had in mind with this Op, but it might be a way to meet some dopers IRL that don’t live to far from you.
As I recall, you are in the Brunswicks, that is a fairly central location for NJ.
Jim
- My wife and family really, they have been good about the Dopefest and Kevin (My son) always enjoys them but they are a lot of work.
I must recommend www.thelunchclub.com if you are even remotely close to NYC. The club was designed specifically for your situation! I moved to NYC a little over a year ago, joined in September and met lots of wonderful people. Most of my friends are people I met through The Lunch Club. And if you join you and I may end up at the same events on occasion so you’d get to hang out with a doper too!
I on the other hand am the queen of Dorksville.
I am guessing by the way you describe it that these involve a lot of people! Large groups of people are a little frightening, but I’m always willing to risk it for a DopeFest. Maybe we could do a mini-one in the New Brunswick area, I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m quite ready to plan one yet, but I’ll keep it in mind.
I am on my way out the door to meet that nice middle-aged lady… Also heard back from another person. I wouldn’t have guessed it, but this may be a really effective strategy indeed.
As long as I may be the Resident Slug, it’s all good.
What a great list of ideas, and good on ya for being all proactive olives. I don’t think you’ll have a hard time, you’re a very sweet and friendly person. In fact, I think you are the official Sweetheart of Coolsville.
Starting with an open attitude means you’re already halfway there. I love the idea of meeting people volunteering, or following up on the Meet-up suggestions. And don’t discount the mutual friend thing, either, there’s bound to be wives/girlfriends of people Sir Dom works with that you might wind up hanging out with, too.
Yep. When I first moved to London to be with Crusoe, I found it really hard to make friends of my own. I spent the first year either hanging out with his friends or complaining that I was lonely if he ever tried to do anything without me. After that, I pulled myself together and joined a local theatre group (I’ve acted since childhood), and haven’t looked back since - I’ve made some fantastic friends, of both genders, and can honestly say I haven’t had as much fun in my life as I have in the past three years.
I’m not suggesting you join a theatre group, as that may not be your thing, but if there’s something else you’re interested in, there may well be a social group for it - like a book club, or an art class or creative writing group. Not only does it help you meet people, but when you do you already know you have an interest in common.
Good luck!
Ok, I just got back from my first meeting… I don’t even know what to say. It was SUCH a positive meeting. Who’da thunk I would get along with a 59 year old so well? Man, we really hit it off, we both adore one another, and we stayed at the mall until they kicked us out! She is more outgoing and spontaneous than me, which is exactly what I need. I had SO MUCH FUN.
Yayyayayay!
That’s so cool–I’m proud of you!
That’s great to hear. Keep it up.
Way to go!
I tell you, it’s hard as hell to make friends as a grownup if you’re not naturally good at it. I’ve gone and done stuff like tennis lessons and then just not followed up and gotten to the “making friends” part. I kind of a little bit don’t want to get married at this point because it’s embarrassing to admit I have no female friends, and I hardly even see my old guy friends anymore because they both work nights. I have work friends, but we don’t do stuff outside of work. Himself is going to be out of town for a few days, and it’s going to be lonely. 
You’ve inspired me. I went on Craigslist and looked at the “strictly platonic” section. There are a few women on there I wouldn’t mind meeting. I’ve even considered placing my own ad. I just need the guts to take the next step…
A lot of these “strictly platonic” posts are strictly grody. It looks like you can either find Jesus or find herpes.
ETA - Okay, that was unfair. There are three or four people who seem to actually be looking for friends, one couple looking for people to smoke pot with, and then a lot of Jesus and herpes. I guess it would help to live in a larger Craiglist market.
My favorite was, ‘‘Any other born-again Christian lesbians out there???!!’’
Book clubs are a great way to meet people. For starters, you get to read whether the people are interesting or not. If the people suck, you still have one more book under your belt. But if they’re interesting and likeable, you suggest going out for coffee or something afterward. It’s safe and always in the plus column (unless the book sucks).