Most amateur boxers could beat up River Tam. Yawn, another chick with martial arts capabilities learned from some katate consultant in Burbank. Has my watch stopped?
There’s a reason they don’t let you use swords in a karate competition. Swords win. Laser swords, doubly so.
Kirk wins, even with his shirt intact.
Jubal Early (anyone who has the Firefly DVDs knows who I mean) but I have to ask, “Does that seem fair?”
Mal vs Han, Mal wins no contest.
While Mal and “Shoots first” Han are about equal on the quickdraw, Mal can get shot, stabbed, tortured, and keep on fighting. Han is a glass-jawed wuss.
No, Mal vs Indy is an entirely different contest…Indy just might win that one.
Circa 1983 Han Solo is much, much sexier than Mal.
Not to mention crawl through an oxygen-depleted ship to install an engine part AFTER being shot.
Yeah, I’m with ronincyberpunk on this one. Jubal Early is analogous to Boba Fett. The Operative has no counterpart in Star Wars (that is, the idealist who does evil in service to what he perceives as a greater good). Villains in Star Wars are bad because they’re baaaaaaaaaad.
And incidentally, Early would kick Fett’s ass. And pontificate arrogantly while doing so.
Which Star Wars character should Mal kick into Serenity’s engine first?
Sy Snoodles.
If there is any justice in the 'Verse, it would be Jar-Jar Binks, followed by Young Anakin. Then he’d turn the Ewoks into rations.
Jar Jar!
He might well do in Jar Jar, because he’s just too annoying to live.
But first to go would be Palpatine. None of this pansy-wansy “Gee, I think maybe Palpatine might be an evil Sith lord but gosh I’m not sure” business …
I do. 
This is an easy one. Even in Boba Fett vs. Boba Fett, Boba still loses. I mean, the dude’s most notable accomplishment is jetpacking himself into a very slow and painful digestive system.
As for River, yes, swords win. Perhaps you didn’t notice that she makes it a point to procure one at the first opportunity? If she manages to get her hands on a 'sabre, I think her unpredictability (read: craziness) would give her an edge on most Jedi. Whether she gets a 'sabre in the first place, though, is uncertain.
Kaylee vs. droids, no contest. Kaylee pwns anything mechanical. Kaylee vs. Leia, on the other hand, I’m thinking of a very different sort of comparison than a fight… I think I’m going to follow Athena and Motorgirl’s lead and order a sammich.
How about Vader vs. the Blue-Hands? On this one, I think I have to definitely go with Vader. Star Wars does seem to do pretty well, villain-wise.
Ewoks raped to death?
Move over Titanic!!
And her psychic abilities would help her master it pretty quick. Remember, she doesn’t just master all types of weapons well, she IS one.
Jayne would light up anybody in a fair fight. Or if he thought someone was about to start a fair fight. Or if a woman were involved. Or if there was money involved. Mostly for the money, tho. Bobo the Fetid One doesn’t stand a chance against this mercenary. Unless he kicks him in the nads.
At the risk of betraying my love of Kaylee, I think she’s pretty much worthless in a throwdown. She was useless is War Stories- River saved her ass, and she gave up in Out of Gas. Methinks Kaylee doesn’t handle pressure very well.
…how about Nathan “Johnny” Fillion vs Ryan “Hannibal King” Renolds?
Nope. Kaylee would collapse, leaving it to Inara to comfort her, rub her wrists, mop her brow…
I’ll be in mah bunk.
You just have to promise her something male and fleshy and attatched to a Doctor betwixt her nethers. She’ll fight.