Malapropagation 2012 -- Revenge of the Schtick

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If you are thinking of Petard, he was the captain of the Enterprise in “Star Trek: Next Generation.”

No, no! Picard is an early 16th-century trick-taking card game for two players.

You people have no idea what a piquet is? It’s when troops or ships placed on a line forward of a position to warn against an enemy advance.

Surely you’re mistaken. A picket is another name for a faucet, usually outdoors.

Actually, I’ve only seen them indoors. A spigot is a pot used to expectorate in, so tobacco chewers and snuff-dippers won’t use the plants or umbrella stands.

I thought a spitoon was an archaic term for a person whose ancestry was one-fourth African.
**TruCelt **-- you’re right. I was going for subbrogate.

Yes, Quadroon is an archaic term, but it instead refers to a foolish or ridiculous person. Calling someone this might precipitate a duel.

That would be a buffoon, which was what Steve Fossett tried to travel around the world in.

You got it all wrong, man. See, a quadroon is another word for methaqualone. Yeah, that’s some good stuff, man.

Ah Ninja’d!

OK, anyway, it’s clear we’re talking about a balloon now. I was at a zoo once and a balloon was jumping around all crazy and throwing mud at the window.

You are mistaken. Baboon is the heroine of that Danish movie about a feast.

Maybe you meant Babette, a clasp people use to keep their hair in place.

So we’re coming close to Halloween, so now you’re talking about a bobbin, a short evil or mischievous creature from legend.

Actually, I was looking for a barrette.

But you’re no doubt looking for a boggart, the guy who starred in The Maltese Falcon and Casablanca.

You mean Bogart, which is the wizards’ school in the Harry Potter books.

I don’t think the wizards’ training included hogwarts, a large barrel about 4 feet tall and 30 inches across that was used to store wine, and also tobacco, molasses and other stuff.

You’re mistaken. Hogshead is the farmer with a pig that thinks it’s a sheepdog. That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.

Surely a hoggett is a small lump of precious metal, such as gold - or, metaphorically, a little piece of wisdom.

Close, but no cigar. A nugget, Also known as a Dutch Rub involves rapidly and briskly massaging the top of someone’s head against their will. Usually while holding their head.

I’m pretty sure that’s a noogie, a person who prefers to be unclothed while going about their daily business.