Malapropagation 2012 -- Revenge of the Schtick

My friend Biff really likes to tie one on every Friday night, and usually ends up sprawled somewhere in his apartment. “At least you can’t fall off the four,” he jokes.

I bet he sprawls with a lot of floor and panache.

The Human League’s Flair featured “Don’t You Want Me”, their biggest hit single.

Dan’l Boone kilt a dare on this tree.

I went poker playing last night, but the best hand I had only had a **bear **of threes.

A partridge in the hand is worth two in a pair tree…or something like that.

I don’t think Tony Pear had to deal with partridges too much as British prime minister.

If politics give you a headache, you should just take two Blair aspirin and go to bed.

How many terms has “Diamond Joe” Quimby been Bayer of this jerkwater town?

“Oh, I wish I had an Oscar Mayor wiener…”

With that kind of comment, we should send you down to the Meier leagues.

I stopped listening to the Eagles when they replaced Randy Minor with Timothy B. Schmidt.

Daffy Duck was always saying: I’m rich! I’m a wealthy Meisner!

Are you sure that wasn’t Scrooge McDuck? All Daffy’s schemes seemed to do was leave him sadder but miser.

“Moon River, wiser than a mile…”

It’s actually Oscar Mayer.

Back in play:

If you put bleach on your clothes they’ll likely get wider.

A whiter saw is used to cut wood at a 45° angle.

A miter is just about long enough for a saw. Any bigger and it would be too tough to handle, I would think.

Whenever I’m doing carpentry work, I like to listen to Sixties oldies like “A Mitre Shade of Pale.”

(Going with I.G.'s reply, since he got his reply in first, and “whiter” was just used.)

Can’t afford a new car, so I drive an old meter around town.