Feeling lazy this morning (after sleeping for 11 hours and being exhausted in my dreams) so I just clipped this one to respond to you.
I remember when a couple of people pointed at you as being a potential troll in that thread, based on a post I cannot find right now. I responded that I didn’t think you were and so did several others.
We just get so many trolls, racists and jackwads coming through here, most of whom don’t last, that some people are on the lookout for anything that might indicate that a new posted might be trouble in the future. Sometimes people jump the gun, but I guess there is also an expectation that new people aren’t going to go immediately read the Omnibus Troll thread either, so they feel more free to point people out.
I doubt they knew I was female at first. I tend to be talkative about my kids, I suppose it was figured out pretty quickly. I do not believe that being female, male or other gender would have made a difference, at first. It soon came clear, though, that there is a difference in how you are treated. I found it dismaying but I saw good, strong women here, women with brains and voices that carry. I don’t feel so all alone, now.
ETA, thx chimera.
Bolding mine. She wasn’t thin during her early years on this board; that only happened after weight loss surgery. Can’t speak for anyone else, but my (mixed) opinion of her was pretty well formed before she became thin. I liked her as a person, and had a fair amount of respect for her for the way she ran the Fathom board. But she could also be a real pain in the neck, and got well known here for her tendency to start threads asking for advice or suggestions about one thing or another, or solutions to some problem she had, and finding reasons why every last suggestion or proposed solution wouldn’t work.
Beck, you weren’t treated badly because you were a woman. It was because you were annoying. Granted that some people came down too hard on you, and we don’t make it easy on newbies, but it was more about the annoyance than your gender. Making how you were perceived here about being female isn’t taking responsibility for your own behavior and is sort of pissing me off, but in general, you’ve dialed it back. I’m glad about that and glad you’ve stuck it out.
That’s cool and it’s a reminder that perhaps assuming isn’t good policy.
Mrs. Howell does need some love. It’s like asking Janet vs Chrissy and leaving out Mrs. Roper. That’s ageist and unacceptable. Who knew being agreeable could be so easy?
If we were talking about who would be a better conversationalist to be stuck on an island for multiple years with, I’d bet it would be her. You’d know everything about Ginger inside a month. Maryanne would be easy to talk to and a good friend to have, but there likely wouldn’t be a great knowledge base there. Eunice “Lovey” Howell would be skilled at socializing and likely have a base in High Society, Philanthropy, Art and so forth.
But that wasn’t going to show on an island where her husband was likely the only one to talk to about such things. Certainly none of the other men would be interested or knowledgeable, nor would Maryanne. Ginger might only be interested in some of it to try to gain access to higher levels of society when they got rescued.
I tend to assume that all the assholes are male, myself. I realize that’s sexist; I’m just not certain which way it’s sexist. Am I hating on men, or am I limiting women’s options in society by assuming they can’t/don’t/won’t pursue the occupation of internet troll?
Presuming that the poster in question isn’t an asshole, I generally just assume they’re a person (presumably human) and stop there.
I’ve hobbies and interests that are traditionally masculine interests; I’ve become intensely interested in car repair and tracking over the last few years and the “car guys” here have been amazingly helpful, encouraging, and kind.* The track events I go to are absolutely dominated by men and I’m largely ignored by and invisible to the Clan of the Track Fratboys – I’m a novice, not accompanied by a husband, and a middle-aged lesbian. Poof! Insta-freezeout!
So I save my questions/concerns/observations about the events I attend for the Dope; frankly, I would have probably given up on this interest if not for the knowledge and generosity of the car guys here.
*There are, of course, Doper women interested in cars, but I don’t think I’ve encountered female track enthusiasts here(?)
Irrelevant in most of the threads I participate in, sometimes manifest in a specific post, but then rarely retained by me.
My point is that, in my experience, a not insignificant percentage of times someone assumes something happened because they’re gaystraighttransblackwhiteasianfatpoormuslimchristianmaleorfemale, they’re wrong.
I don’t like to annoy anyone. I know I am mouthy and many other things. I don’t blame anyone for what I am. I take full responsibility for my actions and my gender. I cannot separate the 2. I am pretty sure I got the idea I was posting a bunch. It was told to me many times. You probably won’t believe this but I am a very quiet person IRL. I go whole days saying nothing to anyone. If I speak in the house the pets jump because it’s usually so quiet around here. I am trying to be more thoughtful with my posts. I am reading more carefully. But, I still like that cheese.
Do you think there’s a not insignificant percentage of times they’re right? If so, should anything be done?
And again, it’s not so much specific attacks on people that are the issue. Those can be (and usually are) modded. It’s the general pervasiveness of it, the assumption that the audience is male. The thread linked above is a great example: someone had a question about the feasibility of smoking from one’s vagina. This could easily be a female-friendly thread, but the OP also felt the need to tell us how much he liked the soft-core movie he saw this in and how nicely-shaped the actress’s breasts were. Who was he writing for? Could the thread have attracted more on-topic responses if written for a broader audience?
