Man gets penis stuck in toaster

A London man is “nursing his knob”, as the article puts it, after it somehow got stuck in a toaster. Firefighters had to rescue him.

Part of me doesn’t want to know how he got his penis in there, but part of me is actually kind of curious.

See, toaster ovens are the way to go.

Well I think it’s pretty obvious how it happened. He was trying to bone the toaster.

That or he was trying to retrieve some stuck bread and had heard that you’re not supposed to stick a knife in the toaster. But probably the first one.

“Somehow.” Riiiiight.

That’s the thing about toasters. You insert something cold and soft, and it comes out hot and hard.

Obviously not a pop up toaster.

And obviously not bagel friendly, assuming the dude was circumcised prior to the incident.

This kind of stuff happens to me all the time.

Wait, wut?

Yeah, but half human half toasters get a bonus to their CON.
You take a hit on the WIS, though. Probably inherited it from your father. Who stuck his junk into a toaster.

Au contraire, he probably put it in the toaster because it, uhhh, “popped him up” so to speak.

But was the toaster plugged in at the time? And , ummm…turned on?

Does “Go bone a toaster!” enter the lexicon?

I’m hoping that that bad boy was unplugged.

Of all the things to stick your schlong into, why a toaster? I mean… is it particularly, er, soft in there? Even those $100 toasters still have those metal grates in them.

Must have been a cherry pop-tart in there.

Obligatory Fletch reference: John Cocktoastin…

Part of me wants to know why he called the fire department. I mean, at some point you’d just pry the toaster apart; but it doesn’t seem like you’d need help for that. Was he hoping the firemen had some trick in their professional experience that could extricate him and save the toaster?

Maybe it was just a complex scheme to show his penis to firemen.

Someone watched way too much Battlestar Galactica.

Instructions unclear; got dick stuck in toaster.

…toaster kanoodle?