I went out one time on a blind date with a girl who was nice, but cursed like a sailor. Every other sentence that came out of her mouth was like fing this, s that. There were kids sitting at the next table in the restaurant, even. It was very odd, I’ve never known a woman to use that much profanity. Didn’t call her again after that.
Well, I dumped a guy once because not only was he a complete idiot (in reference to a wintertime precipitation event, he once said, “It snew,” and another time carried a pizza box vertically - then couldn’t understand why all the toppings were on one side) he was so incredibly jealous that he got upset if I went out with my girlfriends, never mind my platonic male friends. This is especially stupid as we’d met through a group of guys who I’d been friends with for years. He was so lame, even his dog knew it and tried to warn me away from him by getting between us on the couch and barking at him. To this day my friends and I all refer to him as Vertical Pizza Jealous Dog Boy.
I suppose you can understand why I dumped him. This one’s a little weirder. I went out on a blind date with this guy, & we exchanged a few e-mails before we actually met. He was very nice, a med student, and not unattractive although not really my type. The problem was that I have a fairly strong personality, and he didn’t - I felt he would have been better suited with someone who would have been comfortable in the role of “doctor’s wife” and not someone who needed to be doing her own thing. I probably should have given him more of a chance, but I’ve learned through many miserable attempts at relationships that I should stick with my first impressions. And he did seem to think that I was kinda wacked and in fact expressed his thought that while he might like to see me again, he didn’t think I felt the same way. I promised him that I would e-mail him the very next day, and I did… but never again after that. Because my real reason for not wanting to continue seemed like it might sound too bitchy, I told everyone that I dumped him because his nose was too small. I just felt better being perceived as shallow rather than bitchy, even though I think it was perfectly legit and that we wouldn’t have worked out anyway.
Then there’s the one I kept: A couple of years ago, a friend I hadn’t heard from in a while called and asked me to meet him for dinner. In the middle of dinner, he announced, “You have to meet my friend John.” Now, I’d met a number of this guy’s friends before, not necessarily with an eye toward dating any of them, and really didn’t think it was a good idea. All I got for a description was, “He’s tall, blond, and normal looking.” Having the requisite limbs arranged in the usual fashion is a good idea, but it wasn’t enough to convince me. I stalled for two months. Finally I gave in - we’ll meet, mutually dislike, and my friend will shut up already. The night came. When I laid eyes on John, I thought, “He’s the biggest geek I’ve ever seen. Nice booty, too. Why did I wait so long?” He thought I was gorgeous. We both have horrible sinuses. We still have no idea what made our friend get us together, although I later found out his description of me was “She’s very loyal - all the best qualities of a dog, really.” Now we’re househunting, with an eye toward lifelong cohabitation and maybe a ceremony along the way. Our friend is horrified at what he’s done.
We were hiking together when he said to me, “I have to pee,” and then we just kinda stood there awkwardly and he gives me this funny look.
“Well. . . ?” I said. “Do you want me to do something?”
And then he said, totally shocked, “God! Of course not! I just wanted you to stop looking at me.”
I agreed, and then he made me plug my ears and close my eyes while he peed about 20 or 30 feet away. It was really odd and creepy, especially considering we were alone in the woods at the time.
All right, YOU’RE Roy, aren’t you?
Curse like a sailor, bad in bed … not coming across too well, am I?
I love this thread. 
Okay:
– Not a break up, exactly, but I once went on a date with a guy I met at the laundramat – you know, that first “getting to know you” date. I asked him what his hobbies were and he said (actual quote) “I suppose you could say I’m a weather-buff.” A weather-buff? It ended up what he meant was that he really likes storms and likes to watch lightning storms and even chases them sometimes (in his car). Now, I don’t personally consider an affinity for bad weather to be an actual hobby, but even if that was, say, one of your hobbies, would it be the first thing you mentioned? Plus I could not get over him referring to himself as a “weather-buff.” He later invited me in to look at his baseball card collection. I begged off, and begged off seeing him again.
– I once broke up with a guy because he was such a huge pothead. Stoned all the time, late all the time, stinky closes, not a thought in his head, and not a word on his lips except “whoa.” Pretty good in bed, but I couldn’t get past the fact he loved Mary Jane more than me. Plus I was in law school and I could just see the Bar committee flagging my application: “Aren’t you the one dating the hugest pothead in this university town?”
– I went out three times with a guy who would respond to any idea by chirping “That’s the ticket!” “Do you want to go to a movie?” “That’s the ticket!” “Shall we get some dinner?” “That’s the ticket!” “Can you give me a ride to work?” “That’s the ticket!” WTF? It was either break up with him or kill him. What choice did I have?
Justification for slap #1:
You contrived a break up at PROM!??!! Slap!
Justification for slap #2: I couldn’t get over the age difference.
This is just pathetic! Slap! SLAP!
Justification for slap #3: And I don’t mean brilliant. I mean fucking brilliant.
Grabs LNO by front of shirt, shakes him back and forth like a sapling. Slap! slapslapslap!!
You know, though, you are so aware of this failing I cannot help but think that you have suffered and will continue to suffer. You poor sucker… wow.
Eh, who cares! You’re HI larious! So, what happened with Roy, anyway?
Once again - great thread, I feel much better about my obsessive compulsive ass, here’s a couple to add to our list.
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Broke up with a girl because she always smelled like onions.
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Broke up with a girl because she incessantly sang tunes from “Little Mermaid”
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Broke up with a girl because she gave me a hickey. Unacceptable, I view hickies as white trash proofs of purchase, and was livid when I woke up after a night of great sex and saw it there like a neon sign flashing “Bring your case of mountain dew over to my trailer honey!”
trose, haven’t you figured it out yet?
We’re all Roy!
I recommend we close this thread now in light of Blondie’s post. Of all the trivial, petty, shallow, bizarre, pointless reasons to break up with someone, we are not going to find a serious competitor for “too short for his accent.”
Not if the thread runs to a million posts.
Wolfgrrl, you now owe me one (1) new keyboard and one (1) new can of Dr Pepper. Snew??? I don’t think I’m ever going to get over that.
I went on two dates with a guy who was a magician, and then dumped him because he never stopped with the magic tricks. I’m sure he thought he was being sweet and endearing, but every time he did another trick I thought my head was going to explode. Pulling a quarter out of the air when I needed to make a phone call … showing up with a single rose and making it turn into two, then three … ugh. I had this vision of us someday becoming intimate, and him pulling a condom out from behind my ear.
The scary thing is that I’ve done a lot of the things mentioned in this thread as reasons for break-ups. Scary, scary.
Alright, I am harsh against double standards so when my boyfriend of the time
Let me try that again. I am harsh against double standards so when my boyfriend of the time thought it would be hot for me to get off in front of him, I thought he should do the same for me. He was a little put off at the request and I was a little unsure of it myself, but I thought it only fair. Bad idea…I was completely turned off and never could look at him the same ever again. It was my fault and yet I blame him for the breakup. Double standards? I’m all for 'em!
And YOU owe ME a new keyboard! 
I dumped a guy because his mom caught us having sex (we broke a lamp). There’s no hope for a relationship if you meet his mom while you’re naked and she’s moaning about her Tiffany.
Well, this is going to be a great way to get a first post in…
This wasn’t exactly a breakup, but I didn’t date this one girl because…well, she was taller than me, and the first time we kissed she actually lifted me off the ground before checking my tonsils. Something about not being able to touch the ground bothers me…
she called and brushed me off. Dammit.
She did seem very sincere though…
Anyhow. A story about a friend. Iain (massive libel if I put in a last name here…) dumped a girl because she said that she really liked him. Apparently lost all respect for her.
So did quite a few of us, in retrospect. Anyhow.
Five, I couldn’t have put it better. I was a shallow little twerp and I deserve to die for that one. TOO SHORT FOR HIS ACCENT! What the hell was I thinking!!!
I find solace by convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough for her. She’d struggle to stay in love with me, gradually come to the realization that I’m dumber than wallpaper in comparison to her, refuse to admit it, suffer for months or years, and then tell me that she couldn’t do it any more.
See, if you put it THAT way, breaking up with her the way I did was really a good thing! Really!
[sub]No, I can’t convince myself of that. Sigh.[/sub]
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who has broken up with a girl for not giving head!
I can see it now with my son (to be son, that is):
Sitting on the porch talking about life…
“Dad, what about girls? How do you know when she is the right one? Or if she is wrong for you?”
“Well son, when it’s right, it’s right, and you just know it. And if she doesn’t give you head, but insists on you licking her to orgasmic delights, it’s wrong, it’s real wrong. Just leave and don’t look back. Trust me, you’ll be happier.”
I wonder if I could have the same conversation with my daughter? “If he won’t suck your clit…” Hhmmm…Now, I don’t WANT to be using double-standards, but that seems like a conversation that could get me arrested! 
I once broke up with a girl because her teeth used to hit mine or bruise my lips when we kissed. She was Korean and had a round, flat face…I think that had something to do with it. She was cool, good-looking, etc. I just kept getting hurt whenever we’d kiss.
Plug your ears!!! My oh my… You know you did the right thing. [Grail voice] Run away, run away! [/Grail voice]
Ok, I can finally contribute with something.
I once broke up with a girl because she didn’t like to cut the lettuce on her plate. Her reasoning was that it would “break the fibers” (therefore destroying its digestive benefits). Somehow it was ok to chew on the lettuce because “by then it’s already inside your mouth”.
I knew it right there that it wouldn’t work out…