Man this is crazy, what do you guys think? (Baby politics)

In My Humble Opinion
1

OK, let me try to give you a little backstory.

January(ish) 2002: One of my best friends is dating a girl and she hooks her friend up with my other best friend. They have a one night stand and she gets pregnant.

June(ish) 2002: My friend who got the girl pregnant meets another girl (having not seen the other girl since the one night stand), falls in love, gets her pregnant, and they’re planning on getting married. She’s due next month.

November 4th 2002: The first girl’s baby is born.

During the entire pregnancy my friend doubted his paternity, but the girl (by proxy through my other friend’s girlfriend) strongly assured everyone that he was the only guy she had been with.

Shortly after the birth he shows up for a DNA test and it turns out that, well, he wasn’t quite the only guy she had been with, as there were 6 other potential fathers.

After finding out about this, he was quite sure that he wasn’t the father, but alas, the test came back and it was indeed his.

Well, it turns out, there’s a little more backstory to this girl’s pregnancy.

What happened is that this girl found out she had cervical cancer and was soon going to be unable to have kids. She waited until the most fertile time in her cycle and had sex with 7 different guys in 3 days.

My other friend’s girlfriend was in on this plan. She introduced her friend and my friend, gave them free drinks all night to make sure he was nice and drunk (she was a waitress) and then arranged a situation for them to be alone. He put a condom on, but she later pulled it off.

Now he still hasn’t seen this kid. He’s fully willing to pay child support, but he doesn’t want anything to do with the kid. The girl is ok with this, but she won’t let him sign over his rights to the child because she still wants the check.

Now my friend’s mom is causing all kinds of trouble by wanting to see the kid and keep it occasionally, etc. She says that it’s just as much his kid as the one he’s about to have with his fiance and he should take care of it and treat it the same, but he thinks of it as just another bill to pay (ie NOT his child.)

I’m only posting this because I just, by unlucky chance, got to listen to him and his mom yell at each other for the last hour, and I still can’t figure out exactly how I feel about this situation.

Most people that don’t know him well think he’s a peice of shit for not seeing the kid, but I’m not so sure. In fact, I really don’t know what to think about the whole situation. What do you guys think?

2

The cervical cancer story doesn’t really hold water does it? I mean either it is being treated so it doesn’t progress or she’s already had cervical surgery which can lead to difficulty in carrying the baby but unless there’s something I’m unaware of it, it’s a bit odd to assume that cervical cancer leads to sterility. Anyone else got any info?

I think the guy’s mother has every right to have a relationship with her grandchild. He’s also able to make the choice not to have a relationship while paying child support but he can’t control his mother and her wish/need to see the child. What’s his problem with her seeing the child as long as she respects his boundaries? I’m fairly certain that if one of my sons were unfortunate enough to have a fling with a woman like this, I’d want as little as possible to do with her but I’d be there for the child as much as possible.

3

I think that’s pretty messed up. She tricked him into getting her pregnant!

She had sex with 7 men over 3 days? I don’t suppose she had them screened for VD’s/Hepatitis/AIDS, did she?! Because cervical cancer could be the least of her worries.

I can’t believe the other girl was willing to go along with it. I’m sure a lawsuit isn’t too far off…

4

I’m more with Incubus. I think your girlfriends - especially the pregnant one - are unbelievably conniving, and to tell you the truth I’m disgusted. I wouldn’t trust either of them.
The girl pulled off a condom? I can barely rap my mind around that. It’s not just backstabbing, it’s dangerous and irresponsible. Especially if she screwed 7 guys in 72 hours - another thing I can barely believe.
She’s lucky your friend is kind enough to pay child support, I think he’d have grounds not to if he so chose. And it’s harsh, but I don’t blame him for not wanting to see the kid, or her, given the circumstances. In fact, even worse if she “got him drunk,” that eliminates his ability to consent to sex, if you see what I’m implying.
If the girl was a better person, I’m sure she could’ve found a guy who’d be a willing surrogate father instead of being so dirty and underhanded and going to all these lengths. Yuck.

5

My bad, I meant to delete the ‘girlfriend’ line. Crazy. And it should say I wouldn’t trust either of them to raise a child.

6

Your friend was date raped. That said, I’ll go on to say I don’t believe in this type of date rape.

I’d never have sex with someone I wouldn’t want to parent a child with. Birth control is never reliable. However, as a woman, at least I KNOW I’m using birth control. As a man, you’re never sure whether she’s REALLY on the pill if she claims so. But that’s just my old-fashioned attitude on sex. Most would not agree with me I’m sure.

It’s summed up here:

Calling it Date Rape

For the record, I think you made up the story.

7

Of course, Marley, but then she’d have to pay for the high costs of artificial insemination. Much better if she can find a man to father the child AND pay child support.

8

Well, you could do it the natural way, too. But yeah. Sick.

Don’t believe in it? Getting drunk legally means you can’t consent, and I think there’s no problem with it when somebody deliberately gets you drunk in this kind of way. Yes, people make the decision to have sex, but when you’re wasted your decision-making ain’t so great, and people DO get taken advantage of. Legally it’s still date rape if he has any evidence and wants to press charges. Too bad he probably doesn’t, since a woman who’d do this probably shouldn’t be raising kids.

9

You’d really think I made it up if I told you the kind of shit he and his mother were saying to each other earlier.

I assure you it’s all true though. Sadly, in the town I grew up in, these kind of things really aren’t that uncommon.

10

The waitress that would set up her friend with a woman who was planning to have his baby and insist that he pay child support has something seriously wrong with her.

Of course. I’ve been taken advantage of in precisely this way. A man who wanted to sleep with me kept buying me drinks at the bar. I got completely drunk, staggeringly so, but I still said no when it right came down to it. If I had ended up having sex with him, I may have regretted it in the morning, but I wouldn’t have charged him with rape. If I willingly get drunk, then I must willingly accept the consequences. I can’t imagine possibly getting myself SO FAR WASTED that I would allow myself to be violated.

11

Shouldn’t they all work this out on Jerry Springer?
My god, if were the guy I think I would sue for custody of the kid. Pretty easy to show she is unfit to be a parent.

12

That your friend has every right not to see the kid - but he is going to probably end up paying child support.

That it would be great if he did see the kid. But it might be very difficult for the child he is having with his fiancee to understand the relationship and that I could empathize with wanting to protect his wife and child from this kook he had a fling with and the resulting child (who bears no guilt and is the real victim in this). It could work, I just wouldn’t be eager to try it myself.

That if Grandma wants a relationship with the child, that is fine, but Grandma should be understanding of your friends boundries. A child from a previous relationship - one concieved under such circumstances - may place a strain on your friends marriage and the child he has chosen to have.

That if your other friend hasn’t dumped the accomplice, he should run as fast as he can the other direction and not look back.

BTW, I know a very similar sounding story from very close, so I’m completely believing it. Well, except that I doubt the manipulator ever had cervical cancer, but not doubting for a second that was her excuse for her behavior.

13

Sorry, but my BSometer is edging well into the red zone with this little soap opera scenario -

Who told you this story about the girl that got pregnant?

14

That’s the latest story to come down the pipeline from the accomplice. Supposedly the cancer has now spread and she’s either going to have to get several female organs removed (resulting in no more kids) or check out (resulting in no more kids.)

Those are all known facts. Nobody involved would deny any of it. He even told me about her pulling the condom off before anyone knew she was pregnant.