yeah - well this is about dogs and I’m putting it in the pit because I suspect that there may be a few fanatics who are sympathetic to the maniac, and it could get ugly.
I was walking my dog, like I often do, on the same route that I usually take. I was fine, my dog was fine - it was all good. As we are on our return route, I notice that ahead of us, someone is operating a snow blower near the road. well, there’s been a lot of snow here lately, so…no big deal. As we approach, the guy turns off his snowblower and watches us. I’m thinking, he’s just going to be friendly and say hi - yeah, I’m so naive, that I actually think that he turned off his machine to avoid possibly frightening the dog. Yeah…not so much.
So as we come abreast of this dude, he is suddenly up in my face (and the dichotomy here is, he’s an older guy who looks a lot like that kindly old guy who does the diabetes commercials…willard something? I could look it up but I’m being too lazy) and he’s yelling ‘DO YOU HAVE A PLASTIC BAG IN YOUR POCKET???’ which, taken aback and a little astonished I reply ‘uh, no?’ because I didn’t.
now don’t get me wrong - I know the reasons for carrying a plastic bag when you’re walking a dog. and the reason I don’t…well, sad to say but I know my dog’s bowel habits. I know when and where he shits. I don’t carry a plastic bag 'cuz I know my dog already shit in his own fucking yard before we even left on this walk!
so…anyway…when I answer ‘no’ (yeah, that was the wrong answer), the top of this guy’s head blows off. he starts yelling and screaming and swearing about dogs and shit and whatever, I can’t even follow his rants. I’m backing away saying, ‘it’s okay, my dog hasn’t shit anywhere on this walk’, which is true but its lost in his screaming and getting more and more up into my face. my dog, meanwhile, is getting alarmed about this very aggressive dude approaching me and he starts to dance around and bark at him. (yeah, good boy!) but the guy whips around to face my dog and says viciously, ‘yeah, go ahead and bite me you sonofabitch, i’ll fucking kill you and then call the damn cops!’ I’m like ‘dude! what are you so angry about?’ because clearly we had done nothing to incite this kind of insanity.
well, by this time, the guy was all but frothing at the mouth and I decided it was the better part of valor to just leave the situation. so, without further argument - well okay, I did say one more time ‘dude! WHAT are you so angry about???’ I collected my dog and we moved past him and continued on home with no further incident - well other than him screaming at us as we retreated.
but…I’m a little bit rattled. In all the times - and there have been many! - that my dog and I have walked this route, we have never come across this maniac before. And if you’re thinking that maybe he’s observed my dog shitting on his yard before - no - it hasn’t happened. I know, 'cuz I’m always there!
I’m nonplussed. I’m bewildered. I just do not expect to come across maniacs in my normal everyday life.
I mean…he was a maniac, right?