One of my web hosts has this featured on their front page.
I couldn’t resist posting this when I saw it: http://www.mariahcarey.org/
No matter how drunk I am, this won’t happen. Should I, in some sort of weird-ass James Bondish incident awaken from my poisoning, only to find myself being shagged by MC, it is I who will be hitting the higher octaves!
The fucking horror.
Come on, guys. If you were blindfolded and tied to a bed in a state of nudity and Mariah came in and kept her mouth shut—well, not really but you know what I mean----so that you were unaware of her identity and if events transpired that more than exceeded your wildest sexual fantasy, would you be ill after you learned who your unseen paramour had been? Would you regret the experience? Remember, I said it exceeded your wildest fantasy. Would you swear off of sex for the future? Would your organ be so befouled that surgical amputation would be in order? Would you be unable to ever perform sexually again?
Mind you, I despise the no-talent silicon assisted boss marrying snotty little humanoid so I am only asking out of idle curiosity.
Coldfire,
While you are at it, would someone give us a ‘special’ and do Whitney-fucking-Huston and specially Celine-cock-sucking-Dione at the same time?
Please ?
Hoo yeah, toecutter. I’m willing to off them all for a hundred bucks.
Although: Celine Dion did one very good song.
“It’s all coming back to me now”. Of course, that’s only a good song because it was written by Jim Steinman, but OK. It IS a good song.
LouisB: I wouldn’t cut off my dick, but I would require some sex with a human being afterwards to get the right feel again. For all I know, fucking a goat might feel good if I were blindfolded. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t puke my guts out if I found out afterwards!
Coldfire, goats stink, from what I have heard, plus I would guess it would be difficult to kiss one while engaged in the act.
But I know what you mean, learning that one had unknowingly engaged in sex with Mariah Carey would precipitate the need for some sort of cleansing ritual. And people used to sacrifice goats to the gods, right? So why not a goat? Whatever floats your goat, er, boat.
After some of these nights of beer drinking with my mates, they like to play a little joke on me. They blindfold me, and put me behind a perfumed goat with my pants down. After I’m done, they release the blindfold.
I fall for it every time. And YES, we do have a cleansing ritual. We sacrifice a Pop Diva to the Invisible Pink Unicorn in the Sky, to show our remorse.
The problem is the money. We’re only able to afford the late 80’s has-beens. Last week, we sacrificed Debby Gibson. In the cellar, I’ve got Tiffany, Taylor Dane and Samantha Fox lined up for sacrifice. But Carey and Houston are a little bit too expensive to afford, as of now.
Hey, you forgot Sabrina! She’s one 80s has-been who really needs to die too.
Besides, I’m sure the good people of the SDMB would gladly organize a fundraiser so that Mariah would have her own bunk in your basement. Here’s my nest egg to get you started.
::hands over loads of cash::
Coldfire, you da man!
No, No, No! Coldfire, Screw Carey (metaphorically speaking of course, and with no intended insult to the goat) but …
That Celine bitch has got to go.
C’mon guys, one hunderd bucks, pony up. Its worth just to hear them squeal once for the last time. A buck per is all I ask. Coldfire will do the deed. All three for a buck - what a deal… Accept no substitutes.
Here, to start off, I contribute my $5.00.
Coldfire, you keep the accounts.
8 octaves my ass.
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I can hit that many, but most of them are falsetto.
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The higher you get the less “musical quality” the notes have.
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If she can get that many, most of the high ones are probably screeching.
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As previously mentioned (and as stated in another thread in MPSIMS), let’s get Christina Aguilera, Mandy Moore, Jessica Simpson, Britney Spearsand whatever fuckhead teeny-bitches off the fuckin’ pop culture scene and into a vast of bile, where they can wrestle eachother in a sound-proof room until the only one left is stuck picking the remaining muscle off her bones.
I’m almost wondering which would be worse–living with fading pop divas putting out more albums, or hearing whatever horrible noise they die with. Soundproof room is definitely a good idea–way to go.
Yeah, well, at least Celine isn’t a bitch. She seems pretty decent. Yes, I actually LIKE Celine Dion…so fucking shoot me.
I can’t help it.
Although someone here admitted to liking Mariah AND Whitney.
Gag.
How come no one mentioned Miss Carey’s little hissyfit over Michael Jackson getting a bigger entrance than her?
Am I the only one who thinks this isn’t humanly possible?
It seems that even collectively, human voices only use about 5 or 6 octaves (and most individuals probably max out at 2). Hell, a piano doesn’t even have 8 full octaves.
I really don’t think that bringing WHAM! back is going to solve the problem…
Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go…does anyone else think that video deserves the Title for Scariest Video of All Time?
(right up there with anything by Marilyn Manson…ew!)
Isn’t “pop diva” an oxymoron?
Mariah remakes Phil Collins? You think you got it bad? I come home a couple weeks ago and my daughter is playing her new Britney Spears CD. I know, horrifying story so far, but brace yourself. Britney remade “Satisfaction.” Yeah, that one, by the Rolling Stones. I’m sure that the foot Keith Richards has in the grave is spinning around right now-- if he’s come down from the heroine buzz long enough to be aware of the desecration, that is. She removes the bassline from the song and changes the lyrics a bit. Otherwise it’s similar to the Stones’ version the way that your 30-years buried great-grandmother, arisen from the dead and shambling through the streets dripping bits of putrescent, rotting flesh, howling like a banshee while she greedily stuffs pigeon carcasses down her gaping piehole is similar to Cindy Crawford showing up naked in your living room complaining of an acute bout of nymphomania.
If this is not scary enough for you, it gets better. My wife, bought tickets to see Britney online in February or March or so. For all of us. She hit the wrong link and ordered tickets for the show in Kansas City (Bonner Springs) instead of St. Louis. So, in short, I drove for 6 FREAKING HOURS (one way) to see Britney Spears desecrate a great rock song. When I signed on for this fatherhood thing, I thought I would face maybe drugs, teen pregnancy, juvenile delinquency. Nobody prepared me for this shit.
And, just so this isn’t a complete hijack, Mariah and Whitney both suck, but I’d still do either one of them. Well, so long as they don’t talk to me or, God forbid, sing.
Well, it’s either them or Flock of Seagulls…
Is there room for Reba McEntire? Please? She’s getting old, therefore affordable.
Kee-rist! If her lower jaw loosens up any more, she can take over for the Crypt Keeper.