::loads shotgun::
Well I’ll be dipped in simmering dog shit. You mean I’ve been spreading untruths and contributing to ignorance all this time? DAMN! What’s the punishment for that around here anyway? Flogging? Watching Rush Limbaugh eat lunch? Being forced to pay attention through an entire Republican Caucus? Working the customer complaint window at Joliet State Pen?
Excuse me, I have to go fall on my keyboard now.
speakeasy… am I missing something? What are you talking about?
Mariah sucks. Big time. I was traumatized years ago (in all my pre-teen glory, I actually enjoyed her first album) when she did a remake of “Open Arms” by Journey. Now that’s blasphemy. Although I enjoy Whitney (and Janet and Prince, too) I hate Mariah. She has certainly managed to capitalize on her small talent. But she did so in the Britney Spears manner, which involved being naked all the time. Spare me.
Has anyone viewed the horror film otherwise known as the video for the remake of “Heartbreaker”? She’s mostly naked, washing a car in roller skates. It’s porn. Score!
The best ever was when my bf Kenny and I were listening to her then-new album, the one with Open Arms and Fantasy. We got to some song and the lyric was, “transcending space and time” and Kenny looks at me and asks,
“Do you think Mariah even knows what ‘transcending’ means?”
I laughed so hard I cried. 
Dumb bitch. Hey! You’re hair is curly! Your boobs are floppy! Your face is ugly! My fantasy is ripping off those grotesquely fake tits, shoving them down your fucking throat, and seeing if you can sing 8 octives then. Bitch.
tiggeril:
Did you not just bust me spreading around an urban legend? Even if I thought it was true that still contributes to ignorance in the world, right? Therefore I should get a size 10 orientation lesson, right?
Not to compound the felony, but if it’s all the same to you I’d like to still imagine that she really did say that stuff about starving people. It helps, it really does.
I would never do anything to damage your sense of self, speak (easy? speaky? how the hell do I shorten your name?) Pretend it was never posted… now relax… just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and relaaaaaaax… ::slowly rubs shoulders::
I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment expressed in the OP. Look, Pariah, we know you can hit those damn high notes, but it just makes everyone think their tea is ready, so kindly shut the fuck up.
I remember thinking she had a bit of real talent when I first heard a few tracks from her MTV Unplugged disc, but whatever shadow was there is long gone, if it ever existed.
I always wondered why she didn’t do concert tours, and after reading a few reviews of her recent tour, I found out–apparently, she can’t perform to save her ass. That’s the problem with the tailor-made divas–stage presence is something you learn by playing shitty bars and county fairs for people who don’t give a damn. Mariah has probably never had to make people listen to her in her whole career.
As I once said of Shania Twain, sure, I’d do her, if it would keep her from singing for a few minutes.
–
As an aside, since I’m on my fourth Honey Brown of the night, I’ll tell of the time I nearly got my ass kicked over “Against All Odds”…
Seventh grade, Show Choir. We were doing one of those interminable Music Through the Century shows, and we somehow decided that “Against All Odds” was the perfect representative of its era. I was selected to perform this as a duet with Rebecca, an eighth grader.
Rebecca and I had mutual friends, but I didn’t really like her. I thought she was kind of a bitch, actually. A classmate of mine by the name of James, however, thought Rebecca was something else. James had been pursuing Rebecca for a few months, without any luck. It wasn’t surprising–if anyone was Rebecca’s type, it sure as hell wasn’t James.
(To put this in context, I should mention that four years later James was expelled and did some juvie for stabbing a guy in my homeroom, unprovoked, over a similar incident.)
So we did our little concert for the student body, and a good time was had by all. Rebecca and I did our song, a good ten feet apart and staring as straight forward as possible to thwart any implications of our singing together. Still, there was a nervous buzz as I walked out of the auditorium.
Suddenly James comes up to me and says, “I’m gonna kick your ass!” I don’t think James had ever spoken to me before, and I didn’t know about his thing for Rebecca. I just stood there and looked confused. “You know what I’m talking about, and I’m gonna kick your ass!” he asserted.
“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about,” I said.
“You’d better watch it,” he said, and stormed off.
Later, I was told by some random people that James wanted me to fight me out at the track right after school. I finally got some of these people to explain to me exactly how I had pissed James off, and I was bewildered. “I don’t even like Rebecca!” I told them. It didn’t seem to matter to James, though; he just said I’d better be there.
Of course, I didn’t show up. I sure as hell wasn’t getting my ass kicked over singing sappy 80’s schlock with some eighth-grade bitch.
James found me the next morning. “Why wasn’t you out there yesterday?” he said. “Afraid you’d get your ass kicked?”
“You’re an idiot!” I told him. “I don’t even like her! What the hell is wrong with you!” I walked away, as he continued his alpha-male ranting.
Surprisingly, though, it was the last I heard out of him. I thought for a while that he was somehow shaken by my confidence and my cool head. As it turns out, Rebecca had intervened on my behalf, assuring James that we had barely talked to one another during the whole thing and that she thought I didn’t even like her very much. I think she made him promise to leave me alone, or she would never talk to him again.
She wasn’t as bad as I thought she was.
This has been another boring story of Dr. J’s childhood. Brought to you by J.W. Dundee’s Original Honey Brown Lager. Now back to your original thread.
Dr. J
The best industry story I have on Mariah is the following :
In the video shoot for “Honey” she dives into a pool after changing her clothes. On the set she demanded that the pool be emptied, washed and sanitized before she would do such a thing. The crew just kind of looked at each other and shrugged. Performing such a chore would take a day or two and cost the production thousands of dollars. So they took Mariah to her trailer. Then two hours later they simply came back and told her they had done it and refilled the pool. She believed them and did the shot.
So I guess she’s psychotic and stupid.
Thanx dude! But you’re being way too nice for this neighborhood.
And I’ve been called all of the above, but most folks shorten it to speak. But you can call me anything but late for dinner.
My favorite Mariah Carey story involves another Doper who shall remain nameless. While in the throes of a OTT cybersex session, the Doper In Question started wailing “like Mariah Carey stuck in a bear trap…” This was during a contest between she and her partner to try and make the most outrageous cybersex post possible.
I’ll be the umpopular one here and say that I really dont mind Mariah at all. Sure her singing is annoying, but well i change the channel. Anyway, one song of hers that I do like it Vision of Love. I think it may be the lyrics of it (this was when she was new)
I’m not a dude… but I’ll forgive you.
I agree, the bitch needs a muzzle.
If I played MC here my dog would just come over, grab me by the neck and ask me what the fuck I thought I was doing playing that noise.
Besides that, having your testicles suck themselves way back up is a painful experience as we have recently heard. Why would I subject myself to that? Do I look like a fucking pain freak to you?
Our morning radio show gave me one of the biggest laughs when they were reporting that Mariah had suffered from food poisioning when eating oysters somewhere. She said “Well now she knows how I feel everytime I hear her sing” Pretty much wraps up the way I feel about her too.
My greatest fear would be to be shagging MC and she breaks out into that cat-caught-in-a-blender screeching noise. Right in my ear. Talk about something that would cut through the alcohol-induced haze and spoil the mood.
I guess that’s what duct tape is for.
Call me tasteless, but I like one or two of Mariah Carey’s songs… and many of Whitney’s.
In fact, one of my favorites is “There can be miracles” – a duet by Mariah and Whitney from the Prince of Egypt soundtrack. 
Hmmm, if only we could…
WHAM! take that, Mariah Carey
WHAM! And stay down.
WHAM! the world needs one less pop diva
WHAM! You two Whitney Houstan–the world really needs two less pop divas
WHAM! and so on…
How about a death match between Mariah, Brittny, and Christina?
Immediately is not soon enough.
“Mariah fucking Carey must die immediately!”
Can I get an amen!? You go talk about it, Coldbro!
I fucking loathe both Carey and Houston. Those two mindless squickoids have chewed up more syllables than a stuttering auctioneer selling Buckwheat soundtracks.