Marijuana Cleansers

I’ve got a test coming up this week and it’s not the kind I can study for.

I need the straight dope on cleansers that either mask or remove signs of smoking dope from the urine.

Thanks!

If you live near any headshops, you can usually find something called “Cleartest”(sp?) for sale for around $20-$25. I haven’t used it myself, but know a couple of people who have. My understanding is that the product guarantees if used as directed that you will pass a pee test, or get you money back (once you get out of jail?).

However, another ‘dodge’ I’ve heard about, and this is from someone who’s been doing periodic pee testing for the last year or so, despite almost daily tokin’: dip the fingers of your hand in bleach and allow it to dry in place (obviously this is something you wouldn’t want to do until the morning of the test). As you give your sample, let your urine stream run over your fingers, washing away the bleach residue. After turning in the sample, rinse your fingers thoroughly of all remaining bleach. I have been assured this somehow ‘fools’ the test, and as I said, the friend who told it to me has been undergoing testing for the last year and has yet to be ‘called out’.

Hope this helps.

GOLDSEAL KICK ASS STUFF

A guy where I work got fired just last week for using an unspecified adulterant at his random drug test. They won’t say what it was, but if I can find out I’ll advise.
Peace,
mangeorge

Work like you don’t need the money…
Love like you’ve never been hurt…
Dance like nobody’s watching! …(Paraphrased)

I must have been the all time piss testee in my days in the army due to a little personality clash with the first seargent. Well, I didn’t really partake in drugs at that time. Except for one night. At 6 AM the following morn, not a wrinkle on my bed, licking my lips, twiddling my fingers, cigarette butts up the wazoo, I heard the familiar call, “Pooch! Piss Test!!”

I poured salt into a little homemade paper cone and neatly tucked it safely under my belt. I slipped the salt into the bottle and never heard anything about it. All the while I was wondering if they were going to find any urine mixed in with the beer and crank. I can only guess it worked.

If y’all are so proud of being pot smokers, why are you trying so desperately to dodge the consequences of your noble acts of civil disobedience? Be a martyr for the cause!

i must also say, if you drink a lot of cranberry juice for about 2 weeks beforehand it can help, since it cleanses the kidneys.


To deal with men by force is as impractical as to deal with nature by persuasion.

I hate to tell you, but last time I had to take a piss test (to work at WAL MART!! Can you believe that?) The nurse checked my person (frisked me, basically), checked my hands carefully…(smelling for bleach?). She stood only half turned away, so periferally she could see what I was doing, and then immediately took the temp of my sample, to make sure nothing was smuggled. And I don’t even smoke!
A good friend of mine who is a pharmacist and a smoker has said that he’s never failed a test because he just abstains for a week or two before. Apparently the tests aren’t THAT accurate (accoring to him- don’t argue this with me). Anyway, he always tests negative and he smokes like a chimmney…
Worse comes to worse, you can certainly argue the results and demand a re-test. These things aren’t always right.


An optimist sees an opportunity in every calamity; A pessimist sees a calamity in every opportunity.

You know what I find funny, many companies like aerospace firms and whatnot use the “pee test” but Blockbuster video used a hair test, which basically shows anything you’ve taken in the last year.


To deal with men by force is as impractical as to deal with nature by persuasion.

Isn’t a hair test expensive?

Anyway, just cause a person gives a pee sample doesn’t mean they actually test it…

The reasoning being that if you are clean, you’d be happy to give a pee test…

“If y’all are so proud of being pot smokers, why are you trying so desperately to dodge the consequences of your noble acts of civil disobedience? Be a martyr for the cause!”
—pldennison

Well, pld, here’s my martyr’s story;
In mid September, 1996, I smoked a couple joints with a friend. In late October I got called for a random drug test and tested positive for THC. That’s 6 weeks after my last toke! And the time before Sept. had been in early spring. So don’t let anyone tell you 2-3 weeks is long enough to clear your system.
Anyway, the result was that I had to go to 4 weeks of “treatment”, 8 hours a day. With alcholics, junkies, crackheads, and other people with real problems. I felt like a pretender, taking up a slot that could have been filled by someone who would really benefit from it. Anyone who has been through rehab, or one of the 12 step programs knows how soul wrenching it can be, esp. if you don’t really have your own story to tell.
After completion and returning to work, I was compelled to do 2 years of weekly testing and monthly counseling. They wanted me to do MA, but I refused.
What a total waste. As soon as I end my employment here I’ll go right back to my occasional enjoyment of a nice fat one.
And I make no secret of it.
All things considered, marijuana is a good thing.
Peace,
mangeorge


Work like you don’t need the money…
Love like you’ve never been hurt…
Dance like nobody’s watching! …(Paraphrased)

By the way, Therealbubba, how’d you do on your test? Are you still around?
Where’d he/she go? :slight_smile:
Peace,
mangeorge

I PASSED! I am a bona fide model citizen!

I did some research and here’s a summary if some of the tricks I learned:

Goldenseal and other organic cleansers are for the most part a waste of money. Most of them are natual diuretics that simply dilute the urine sample. The same can be accomplished by drinking 8 glasses of water 1 to 2 hours before the whiz quiz.

Adulterates ( things you add after you pee) are often tested for and can get you into alot of hot water.

The pee test tests for the metabolites that are fat soluable and stored inside your fat cells, not the THC (the stuff that gets you high). If you can either dilute your sample by drinking tons of water right before the test and/or using diuretics, you avoid having a large enough amount of these metabolites floating around in your blood where they can get you into trouble.

Atheletes who smoke eliminate the metabolites faster than other folks because they burn fat at a much faster rate. However, if you work out, you should stop working out a week before your test. This slows down your metabolism keeping the bad stuff inside the fat cells. (Remember, it’s the stuff that’s in the blood that eventually ends up in your bladder that gets tested.)

Labs often reject samples that are too clear because diluted urine gives a false negative. High doses of vitamin B2 (not time released) taken in the morning with your 8 glasses of water 1-2 hours before the test will give your diluted urine that desirable yellow look. 50-100 mcg is the desired dose. Labs also will often check the creatine levels of your urine if they suspect a diluted sample. This can be fixed by eating lots and lots of red meat 2 to 3 days prior to the test.

A high fiber diet or using laxatives like Metamucil(sp.) helps eliminate the metabolites through your stool rather than through the urine.

Cranberry juice is a natural diuretic that has shown some promise in diluting your sample. In a pinch, 80mg of Lasix ( a perscription diuretic) can really do the trick.

If a hair sample is required (not in my case), there are several shampoos for sale that you’ll find on the web that say they work. I heard Head n’ Shoulders for oily hair has shown to cause false negatives. Hair tests are expensive and unreliable.

Thanks to all that posted, and I hope this will help some poor innocent smoker like me persue life, liberty and happiness.

Therealbubba

Well, mangeorge, at least you have the courage of your convictions. Every single other person posting here who uses is a big hypocrite.

We drug test and the doc in charge says Goldenseal doesn’t work, and like a poster has said, they also test for adulterates (adulterants? - whatever). We reject diluted tests and don’t allow re-takes.

You will cause some eye rolling if you alert the tester to your possible false positive due to the poppyseed muffin you had for breakfast.

What I’d like to know is how a urine sample can be 107 degrees when handed in for testing. Can it possibly come out of your body at that temp?

What is the normal temp for pee?

AuntiePam touched on an interesting point regarding the drug testing business. Labs, clinics, doctors et al have a huge stake in obtaining positive results from their subjects. No positives, no need for their services.
My company recently lowered the threshold for a positive result. The number of referrals had been dropping off dramatically, though they claimed this fact was not the reason for the change in policy.
BTW; Try as they might, they were never able to correlate drug testing with a drop in recordable accidents.
Industrial accidents are invariably caused by lack of safety education, lack of safety procedures, and lack of communication between workers and managment.
I’ll shaddup now. :slight_smile:
Peace,
mangeorge

Mangeorge, you’re 99% right about the cause of industrial accidents – but I still prefer lift truck operators unimpaired.

Awhile back, we decided to test people if they had more than the usual number of accidents. We’ve only done it once – to a guy (a good friend of mine) managed to cut himself three times (needed sutures) in just a few weeks.

He tested positive for just about everything – marijuana, meth, and cocaine. (He can’t stand the taste of beer.) Went for treatment – had a great time, he said.

He just brings his own band-aids to work now.

Along those lines, I think if safety is an issue (drivers/pilots/etc) then the test should be for impairment, not for drugs. One can be impared for other reasons, like not getting enough sleep, or having the flu, or just being a bad driver/pilot/lift-truck operator.

I like that approach because (1) it gets the gubbamints nose out of what you do in your own home - no “victimless” crimes, and (2) it address the real safety related problems by testing for impairment in general, not just impairment due to one of many possible causes.

There are people I’d sooner ride with as a passenger 24 hrs after they smoked pot, then other people who haven’t touched the stuff in their lives.

peas on earth

The temperature of urine should be near body temperature. My understanding is that 91-97 degrees F is the range labs look for.

As for impairment on the job, the whiz quiz does nothing to address that. A guy who smoked a fatty 2 weeks ago at a party will come up as a positive while the guy who snorted three lines of coke in the bathroom at work three days ago will come up negative. The guy who drank beer at lunch will also come up negative.

I equate urine tests as being as invasive as having a cavity search. Why not just bust down my door and search my house while you’re at it. I want my 4th amendment back please.

Therealbubba

Well, mangeorge, at least you have the courage of your convictions. Every single other person posting here who uses is a big hypocrite.

Thanks Barney, we’ll let you know when to put the bullet in the gun.

Let’s hear your rehab story next.
Otherwise how am I gonna get some criteria for callin’ hypocrites?

Oh, I get it now! If you went to jail, you walked the walk, you talked the talk.
Some human sacrifice kind of thing.
So mangeorge is ok now with you? An exclusive club of one?

Come on everybody! Tell us your rehab story!
Then pld can tell you if you pass or not.

Too funny.