This Marriage of convenience for many years and now I have lust in my heart.
Or maybe it is love who knows the difference?
How do I get rid of this burning yearning lust.
How do you try and be Christian when this emotion of lust or love outweighs everything?
Has anyone else had such an emotional rollercoaster lately? Would it be the right thing to do to leave and then pursue my Love or lust.
Then I could stay where I am and live in a loveless marriage but comfortable to a point.
0887
I believe that there are very few good reasons to stay in a marriage with out love. If you do not want to be married anymore you should end your marriage. That is a completely different issue from the love/lust you are feeling. If you are concerned about your Christian beliefs then maybe the first person you should discuss your problem with is your pastor.
I don’t know how to stop love/lust. It isn’t something that is either on or off. It usually comes on slowly and then turns off even slower. The only thing that you can do if you decide not to pursue it is to avoid it. Stay as far away as possible from the person you are having these feelings for. With enough distance and time the feeling will fade.
What ever you do it isn’t right to pursue your love while you are still in the marriage. At least not with out discussing it with your wife first. Who knows, maybe she has a love too she isn’t pursuing because of you.
This definitely sounds more like a matter for a marriage counselor than for the Teeming Millions, 0887. But I’ll toss in some thoughts anyway.
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In Conceivable has it right: “If you do not want to be married anymore you should end your marriage. That is a completely different issue from the love/lust you are feeling.” It shouldn’t be an either/or between your wife and some other woman. That’s fine when you’re dating, but getting married means you’ve left that behind. The only question is, “Is there a marriage here to save, or not?”
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Here’s where it gets into marriage-counselor territory. There’s a lot that a couple can do to bring a moribund marriage back to life again. I don’t know what you’ve tried, to what extent you’ve talked out your dissatisfactions with your spouse, or what. I don’t know what you’re willing to try. Talk to a professional counselor of some sort. Really.
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Even in good marriages, people get infatuated with others in various ways. It’s happened to me more times than I could count in twelve years of marriage. What’s important is what one does with those feelings. There’s no magical wall you can throw around your soul to keep such feelings from happening, and there’s no way to purge yourself of those feelings either. What I do is most analogous to letting them wash through and over me, like a wave that may tumble me around a bit before it washes on past me, as they all eventually do.
I don’t know if that helps much, if at all - but then, I really do think you need to talk to a professional counselor of some sort about the future (or lack thereof) of your marriage. I don’t think anyone here will have the magic bit of wisdom that will tell you what to do.
Honey, is that you?
I apologize for my preceding post. It was rude and insensitive, and I’m sorry 0887 I did not mean to make light of your pain. Inconceivable and RT gave you good advice.
I am hoping this will pass like water under a bridge.
I think I am dreaming of just that a dream.
I crave affection something that is not present in my marriage.
It has been talked about but there is no solution at this time.
I think what I am saying is there will never be affection again.
I know this but the marriage does have its comfort zones.
I just wonder if it will be worth sacraficing in the end.
We all get comfortable in our circumstances and hate not having the same warm bed or the coffee perking in the morning.
I would have to set up house elsewhere and how do I know that won’t be a fast burn out.
I am just blowing off steam and needed a faceless person to talk too. 0887
Is your relationship mutually loveless? If so, and your partner is also comfortable with the “buddies” relationship, why don’t you consider discussing an “arrangement” with him/her? At this point you can be straight up about not having cheated, and maybe he or she is thinking the same thing…that the day-to-day part is fine, but the intimacy needs to come from somewhere else. Couldn’t hurt to think about it…
Yeah it is strictly platonic and that is always the way it will be.
I don’t know what happened but it was not the way I believed a marriage to be.
You can find yourself in some pretty vulnerable situations and find yourself weak and could cave in if you even get a glance from someone else.
I could resign myself to be celibate just like the past but I have raging hormones and a desire to love and be loved.
I swear at this time I don’t know if I am in love or lust.
I think a balance of both is good but too much of say lust is a bad thing when you may throw everything away for a roll in the hay. Whew I am sweating bullets!! 0887:smack:
Was your marriage always strictly platonic?
It is possible to change the state of your marriage if you both want to. It will take work but it can be done. You will probably need some help though like with a marriage counselor. Have you guys ever considered seeing a counselor?
See ifthis website helps at all.
Lots more “faceless people” to talk to there, many in the same boat as you.
The Lord be with you, and with your spouse.
Regards,
Shodan
Thank you Shodan.
0887
Hey I do believe I have finally got some sense about me.
If I still feel this way tomorrow then I should be fine.
My lustful desires seem to be a bit under control as of now. I realise there is more to a relationship then sex and sexual desires. Oh I forgot to mention I am a female. 0887