Right. When you say “Nice try, but you’re playing house,” you are just… talking to yourself. In public. On a message board.
She wasn’t talking about her own specific statement. She was just generally commenting, about people’s commentary. In a general way.
I must admit, I’m wary of people who comment in generalities.
Just wary, is all.
Actually I’m talking about my friends in real life. Which it seems you failed to understand.
We all tolerate you talking to your boyfriend on this messageboard without getting bitchy.
MODERATOR STEPS IN.
If the posters known as jsgoddess and lindsaybluth would tone it down, I’d be greatful. Take personal squabbles somewhere else. Play nice.
samclem Moderator
I’ve gotten married twice. The first time after “dating” a couple of months, we had an all night conversation where we decided to get married. That one lasted 18 years, so I don’t consider it a complete failure.
The second time, I met a woman online, and we knew we were going to get married before we ever met in person. But we got married for the practical purposes mentioned above because she was being deployed to Iraq. And it too was a discussion lasting a few hours.
No. Although I knew we were going to marry when I met him, we moved in together a few months later. Then, six months later, the bar where we met had a Xmas party, and I said that would be great as a free recption, so we went to the justice of the peace. No there was no ‘proposal’.
Health insurance and hospital visitation rights are nice. If you both work, though, it’s a tax increase not a tax break. Either of you individually might end up in a lower bracket, but when you put both incomes together, more than likely the person who was in the higher bracket will stay there, and the person who was in the lower bracket will now be in the higher bracket also.
Guy here, but I might as well contribute because my proposal happened fairly recently (last month).
For quite some time it looked like I wasn’t going to marry my girlfriend any time soon- she wanted to go back to grad school, gave me the impression I had a bit more growing up to do around her, etc. So I went from telling her I’d REALLY like getting married sometime soon (and her getting anxious and changing the subject every time it came up) to backing off, concentrating on the relationship itself, and building on what I already had.
For my girlfriend’s birthday I had decided to buy her a simple, modest ring. She kept asking me what I was getting her for her birthday and I finally broke down and pointed to her finger. She thought I pointed to her ‘wedding ring finger’ and when I saw her :eek: expression (since, again, I didn’t think marraige was in the cards for years on end) I clarified that I was getting her a new regular ring. That brought on this discussion:
Her: Were you thinking of proposing to me just now?
Me: (total chickenshit) Well, uh, say, hypothetically, I did ask you to marry me, what would you say?
Her: Yes, duh!
Me: Ok, will you marry me?
Her: Yes!
Me: 
Followed by a series of “Really?” back and forth to each other. And the rest is history. We are currently planning a wedding, that is under budget and ahead of schedule planning-wise, and will get married in September 2011. 
Speaking from experience: if they nag you for a marriage proposal, or seem heartbroken when you take them someplace nice without whipping out a ring, get the hell out of there.
I know you meant this benevolently, and if you’re utterly sincere, I applaud you. Nevertheless, you do remind me of the old idiom: “Women stop worrying when they get married. Men start.”
I feel a little hypocritical agreeing with you, since my husband and I weren’t on the same timeline at all (he was way ahead of me). But it intuitively feels like not being on the same timeline is bad news for the future.
Stusblues, there are mutual benefits to a legal marriage as I described above. I’m the man with the greater income, but I was damn glad to have some of those rights with my wife.
I’m glad you took that in the spirit in which it was intended:) I’m not nearly as against the institution as a perusal of my posts might indicate, but if one person is pressured into a union, that union has two strikes against it going in.
What **rights **did you enjoy? Anything beyond the emergency access and decision making described above?
I’m not being cynical here; I honestly want to know. I’ve been married, and I’ve never experienced real legal benefits.
Ahh, I didn’t know if you both worked it was automatically a tax increase. Ignorance fought! I know some married couples file separately, but I suppose that would be why.
I am sincere; it’s not like I’m going to sit on the couch and eat bonbons and get fat when I get hitched. Nor will my day to day life really change much. I haven’t heard the saying, nor have I found it to be true. My dad was very eager to marry my mom (they had a 5 year long engagement) and was very relieved to be married.
But, then again, your statement could apply to a couple I know who got married last summer. I’ve told his story before, but it starts with them moving in together without being on the same page (she wanted to get married and have babies ASAP) and transitions to her buying a wedding dress and stuffing it in their shared closet after 3 years and talking about having multiple kids before 30 (she was 27 and still not engaged!). However, I find her crazy to be the exception, not the norm.
This could have been written by my dad. My mom was making pennies when they met (a few years into their marriage their salaries became nearly equal).
Flipshod, you enjoy automatic hospital benefits, in the event of an untimely death your assets get transferred to your spouse, health insurance, and the list goes on. The Times did a piece recently on the cost of being a gay couple; it’s rather striking. Perhaps the hospital thing hits close to home; my parents both work in hospitals and I spent a lot of time in them growing up. I can vividly recall people bawling their eyes out in the ER, begging to see their boyfriend or girlfriends but not being able to.