And here I thought my fiancée was the only girl who didn’t seem to care very much about the formality of actually being married. (Guy here.) We’ve been together for over 8 years now, and living together officially for about 7. Ideas about marriage started coming up probably within the first year or two, but there wasn’t much in the way of actually making plans. Sometime within the next few years we pretty much decided that, yes, we did want to get married. However, we didn’t get officially engaged until last year. It worked out pretty well for us, though, since she’s not the type to insist that it be a surprise…she actually picked out her engagement ring (I was there, but it was really her decision), and I’m glad she did…I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have done nearly as good a job picking it by myself.
No. He was way gung-ho about the idea and actually proposed regularly before I finally said yes.
I’ve never nagged, but presumed that after a set amount of time that if the relationship wasn’t going in that direction, that it wasn’t going to, and I moved on. One time, I moved on apparantly a month before the gentleman WAs going to propose. Some guys take longer to get to that point, and some just don’t read minds, so…if you get to the point you want to at least know if he’s thinking about it, you are going to want to bring it up yourself, before you start assuming things for him that he isn’t aware of.
We spent almost every night together within a week of meeting. Got leases worked out and moved in together “officially” within 2 months. He proposed the first time our first night in the new apartment but I wasn’t ready. The second time he proposed he told me he wasn’t doing it again and when I was ready I should propose. After a total of about 10 months together I bought two silver rings and proposed. We were married 4 months later, 17 yrs ago.
He has proposed, my answer has been “Later”.
She sort of gave me an ultimatum. It was necessary.
We’d dated for a year and a half, knew we were right for each other, and both were getting ready to graduate college. Marriage was the next logical step, so the proposal was just a small hurdle to overcome. I never nagged about it, nor was it a surprise when I got it because we’d talked about where we wanted to live and how many kids we wanted, etc.
Of the two proposals I’ve had, one was triggered by my saying “I just realized I don’t want to go on seeing you” (yeah, dude wasn’t big on logic).
The other one, by my decision to leave the country and go back home (my employer wanted me to go from working for them legally to do it illegally, and this shortly after my father was diagnosed with cancer), and I was actually dreading it because seriously, if I’d thought a marriage between us stood half a chance I wouldn’t have waited for him to propose, I would have asked him when did he want to do it.
At one point my brother’s then-girlfriend was told by her father (who had pretty much required that she go to medical school) that she would not be given any assistance to wrap up her studies; my brother’s response was “if it’s going to be you and me who go through that, I want it to be as ‘you and me’, not as ‘you and me on the phone and your dad riding you’”.
Most of my friends didn’t have a formal proposal, it was more of a matter of both finishing college and/or realizing that every time they walked in front of a realtor’s their heads would turn to the ads on the window.
I met my fiancée in college 30 years ago, but didn’t know her particularly well then. We reconnected about 10 months ago, hit it off quite quickly, and I said “I love you” about five weeks later. (It took her a few weeks more to return the sentiment.)
On our four-month anniversary – coincidentally, I hadn’t planned it that way – while in bed, we started talking about marriage. I said I didn’t need to be officially married, and that if we agreed we were married, we were, as far as I was concerned. I asked her if she would marry me, but she didn’t give me a serious answer.
When I mentioned the “proposal” a week or two later, she said, Where’s the ring?
So I was pretty sure she’d accept, and I knew she wanted a ring.
When we went on a three-week trip to Prague, Vienna, and Budapest in July, I was prepared. I took her to the gardens of the Schoennbrun Palace in Vienna, found a quiet and secluded spot, and asked her to marry me in a romantic and meaningful way, with poetry, certain props, and a ring. I got down on one knee, and everything.
She was completely surprised, said yes immediately, and loved (and still loves) the ring. She never nagged, or even came close.
We plan to have the wedding in October 2011, if we don’t spontaneously elope and go to a JP first.
We’ve had the discussions, establishing that we would like to get married at some point in the future. We’ve also established that she wants to do the asking (we’re a gay female couple, for the record). So I suppose I’m waiting to be formally asked but am not holding my breath, as we’ve got a lot else going on for the next couple of years (setting up a business, finding a new home, moving across the country, you know, just little loose ends ;)).
And no, I don’t ever nag about it.
I haven’t nagged, he hasn’t proposed. Draw your own conclusions!
OK, but do you want to?
Sometimes I think yes and sometimes I think no! We have been together a long time and we’re kind of comfortable with each other so actually getting married wouldn’t make much of a difference to us. Things would still go on as they do now. It would make a difference for long-term security for both of us, but we could get around that by making Wills. Balancing it all out, I’m coming down on the side of “not really bothered”.
My now-husband told me over the phone he was thinking of asking me to marry him. I was shocked into silence. Weeks went by and he said nothing, so I figured he was either regretting he said anything or really taking some time to make the decision. It was very trying for me, because I did not want to pressure him, and yet I wanted to know what was going on.
One evening I needed to have my car repaired, and he came to pick me up at the dealer while the work was being done. While we were out in the parking lot, he said “I have a proposal for you.” I stared at him, thinking “Here? In the parking lot?” Fucking kidding me, right?
The proposal was that we go see a movie while we were waiting for my car. I was ready to kill myself.
A week later he asked me to marry him. He had absolutely no memory of what he said on the phone and to this day he doesn’t remember it.
Hit over the head with a board. Afterwards, hint that worse might come if he doesn’t pop the question.
Two boards?
Winner.
See, for me it’s all about the benefits. If you’re a hetero couple, how could you not? Health insurance, sick at the hospital, tax breaks, etc. I see a lot of people justifying not being married in my own life as “Oh, we live as married!” Nice try, but you’re playing house. Of course I also want to get married to show the world the one I love, but I honestly have horrible dreams of my SO being in a terrible accident and not being let into the emergency room or by his bedside to see him. I’ve seen it happen in hospitals, so it’s not out of the ordinary. For me, getting married will be this huge sigh of relief, that legally I have all the rights to be by his side, and especially vice-versa. The thought of my parents carrying out my last wishes or being informed of things before he is makes me break out in hives.
I went to a new family practice doctor recently (mine retired) and there are two options on the form: married or single. Sure, an argument can be made “there are so many other situations!” but guess what, legally, there’s not. It’s one or the other. And it made my stomach churn, but single is what I am. I look forward to checking the other box.
If there’s a way to phrase something snottily, you seem able to find it. It’s a gift.
Must you feel that other people’s general commentary is in any way a critique on your life?