Last night a group of us (all singles) we shooting the bull, when the conversation moved to being married and having separate bedrooms. A few people thought it was a good idea, but I think the majority thought it was silly.
Unless someone is a really bad snorer, kicks and turns and prevents the other from sleeping, I propably wouldn’t consider it. I think one of the benefits of being married is having someone sleeping beside you. Someone you can cuddle or “spoon” with. Also I think it would be reassuring to know that within arms length there is a boob (preferably two, but I don’t want to be greedy) just laying there.
If I am having trouble sleeping or am in an odd mood or just want to be by myself, I will sleep on the couch. A separate bedroom to me says that there is something wrong in the relationship, that there is an emotional distance.
There’s no accounting for taste or preference, of course. Some people just like their privacy or the idea of having a bed/bedroom all to themselves.
Ruling out window-rattling snoring, or competing in the decathlon during REM-stage sleep, I want Mrs. Dave-Guy by my side at night. It feels strange when she does go away for a day or two, and I’m all alone. I definitely don’t sleep as well.
I recall reading a story about a couple with separate bedrooms, and they had guests one weekend. The guests noticed the bedrooms at different ends of the hall, and another bedroom, with a large bed, in the middle of the hall. Over the door to this bedroom was a sign: “This is where we f**k.”
Been married for 14 years, and have often wanted my own room, but not my own bedroom. I love sharing a bed with my hubby. He loves sharing a bed with me. As for my own room, our decorating tastes differ vastly, and I would like a room of my own that I can decorate as I choose, put my favorite chair in (a family heirloom that I love and he hates), read when I want, etc. Maybe someday we’ll have a house big enough for me to get my wish!
Actually I wish sometimes that the Hubby had his own space under a separate roof but on the same property - a two story heated pole barn where he could play his grunge rock station, tinker with his toys, smoke, fart and pick his nose to the cows come home. but i would miss him in my bed!
My grandparents have separate rooms. They’ve been married for many, many, many years, and my grandmother saves literally everything…every magazine, every newspaper, etc. After that many years that stuff really piles up. My grandfather just couldn’t put up with that any more, so he moved one room down the hall.
My maternal grandparents had separate bedrooms for something like 40-odd years. My grandfather was in the Merchant Navy, and would often be at sea for up to ten months at a time. One time he came back home to find the spare bedroom set up for him, and my grandmother telling him this was where he would be sleeping from now on.
Our guess is that this was done so that my grandmother would no longer have certain demands placed upon her. Obviously, she waited until he was away at sea purely so he wouldn’t be around to object to it. My mother and I often wonder how he must have felt when he got home and found this out, but I guess we’ll never know all the details.
FWIW, they lived pretty separate lives from that stage onwards. My grandmother would spend the evening in the sitting room, while my grandfather set up a TV and chair for himself in the dining room. She’d get up at the crack of dawn and meet her friends for coffee, while he’d stay at home gardening and making model ships.
I always remember that they seemed happy enough, but certainly not close in the same way as my mother and father. Most likely they just got used to living that way, and their lives became more independent of each other’s. Sometimes it seems a little odd when I look back on it, but having said that I never knew them any other way.
My maternal grandparents had separate bedrooms for something like 40-odd years. My grandfather was in the Merchant Navy, and would often be at sea for up to ten months at a time. One time he came back home to find the spare bedroom set up for him, and my grandmother telling him this was where he would be sleeping from now on.
Our guess is that this was done so that my grandmother would no longer have certain demands placed upon her. Obviously, she waited until he was away at sea purely so he wouldn’t be around to object to it. My mother and I often wonder how he must have felt when he got home and found this out, but I guess we’ll never know all the details.
FWIW, they lived pretty separate lives from that stage onwards. My grandmother would spend the evening in the sitting room, while my grandfather set up a TV and chair for himself in the dining room. She’d get up at the crack of dawn and meet her friends for coffee, while he’d stay at home gardening and making model ships.
I always remember that they seemed happy enough, but certainly not close in the same way as my mother and father. Most likely they just got used to living that way, and their lives became more independent of each other’s. Sometimes it seems a little odd when I look back on it, but having said that I never knew them any other way.
My grandparents have separate rooms because my grandfather’s snoring is so bad. When my dad was growing up, he said my grandmother often ended up sleeping on the couch, anyways. Once my dad moved out that upstairs attic was finished so they my aunts could sleep up there, my grandfather moved into my dad’s old room.
When I was married I had my own room it was called the dog house! and I was always in it!
No, seriously though, If I was still married I would want my own room for pretty much the same reasons norinew does. Except on the onther end of the spectrum of course. Some place I could hang all my girlie posters, dartboard and stuff like that. When I was married the closest I came to having my own room was getting the garage. Not a very comfortable place to hang out when its too cold or too hot out.
My ex and I always had separate rooms, mostly because he liked to get up early and listen to his music and play video games and tinker with his other toys. He also liked to sleep with the heat fullblast and the television on, whereas I liked cold and quiet.
Oh yes, and there was that “drinking himself to sleep” issue.
My parents have sort of moved to this as the four kids have gotten out of the house.
It started with mom occasionally sleeping in the other bedroom because dad does snore sometimes and that makes it difficult for her to sleep.
It became more common last fall - mom broke her wrist and had metal pins placed in it along with a metal stabilizer bar that stuck ran from about her elbow to her hand. Rather than hitting dad with the bar during the night, especially while he was going through radiation treatments during a good part of the time her arm was healing, she slept regularly in the other back bedroom.
I’m not sure what the regular sleeping locations are now - I think it’s likely back to mom occasionally moving across the hall when dad snores badly or when she feels like she’s tossing and turning a lot and keeping him up, but with their bedroom being her main sleeping location. I’m not sure though.
I love my husband. He also snores like a freight train and sleeps like a rock. He needs 5 hours of sleep a night. I need 8. I sleep very lightly. If I wake in the night I need an hour to get back to sleep. He needs 2 nanoseconds.
Guess which couple has seperate bedrooms? I’ve made sure our children understand that is why we sleep in seperate rooms. They’ve all heard him snore, and they know I’m a really light sleeper. We are happily married.
My parents, who will be married 44 years next month have seperate bedrooms.
My dad had a heart attack in 1985, and just has not been a good sleeper since. It didn’t take mom long to move to the other end of the house to get some rest
My maternal grandparents had separate rooms while my grandfather was still working because he worked the night shift. He took over the back bedroom because it was the darkest and quietest room during the daytime. I think even after he retired he kept his own room.
My dad started sleeping in a separate room when his back problems got so bad that he hardly slept anyway. He would watch TV till he dozed off, so rather than disturb Mom, he took over the spare bedroom.
My husband and I are sleeping in separate states, at least for 15 more months - except for occasional conjugal visits. I hate it, but sometimes we have to make difficult decisions. We should be back together by June of '04.
When I went to college my mom started sleeping in my room. It’s a snoring issue.
Jesus christ, when I go home my dad snores loudly enough to go through 2 doors and still be heard at full volume, my mom slightly quieter and the blood cat snores too.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG
WHen I go home, I’d sleep in the tool shed if I could.
