22 years. This basically constitutes “seperate.” Neither messes with or really cares for that matter, about the other’s money. Things get bought and paid for on a case-by-case basis by whoever. One pays certain bills, the other same. Variances are discussed as needed.
It’s hard to argue about something you are not aware of or have any control over.
We have shared accounts, but I agree with this. We’d rather deal with one set of statements per month than two. We also didn’t really want to sit down and figure out which account which bills should get paid out of. It’s simpler to just do it all from one account. We like to keep a “cushion” in our account, so that we don’t have to check the balance before every time we want to use our debit cards or write a check. It’s easier to do that in one account than two. Laziness works as a reason to have a joint account, too.
Our credit cards are kind of joint, kind of not. We both have access to both credit cards, and do occasionally use both, but I go through the Visa statement every month, and he goes through the American Express. The Visa is my main card, the Amex is his. I don’t look through the Amex statement, and he doesn’t scrutinize the Visa one. This is kind of an unspoken agreement, but unlikely to change unless there are major problems. Nothing about how we handle finances is ever likely to change unless there are major problems. I’m a big fan of the “leave well enough alone” school of finance management.
This thread got me thinking about our reasoning for keeping things jointly held after those poor-as-a-church mouse years. Then I remembered, we had to produce joint checking/saving documents as well as joint mortgage and car payment info to be considered for “Domestic Partnership” status in our city. Do heterosexual couples have to show financial interdependence to obtain a marriage license?
We started out with me handling our finances. Then we decided to divide the burden with him handling some and me taking care of the rest. That lasted maybe 2 months.
Both paychecks are deposited in the joint account which I manage. Every week, a predetermined and agreed-upon amount is transferred to his account (I’m joint on it, but I don’t use it.) I take care of the bills and savings, and when we want to make major purchases, they come out of the main account. His “allowance” account covers his lunches, gas, and miscellaneous stuff.
Unfortunately, if I get run over by a bus, he won’t know what’s going on with our accounts. I should probably write it all out, ya think?
One account (well, two; a savings and a checking) are enough for us to keep track of. Besides my wife only works seasonally and part-time; she wouldn’t make enough money to support herself alone. Unless I paid her a housekeeping/childcare salary I guess.
Are you married to me? We don’t have joint accounts but we do pool our money and I manage it. I take care of all the bills and savings and give him a rundown every once in a while (usually in the form of, ‘FYI, I paid off this debt’ or ‘BTW, we have this expense coming up so try to keep it in check for awhile.’)
My husband knows he isn’t very good with money and he doesn’t want to be bothered. I, on the other hand, like to be very aware of our financial situation and am great at saving. We consult each other whenever we buy something large or that is not practical.
Same here.
We got married when we were 37 (13 years ago) and are pretty independent. There is no need to merge things.
I pay some bills, she pays some bills. Some bills like credit cards and car payments are our own. We are both pretty conservative and low maintenance when it comes to money. Every once in a while we’ll tweek who pays what. It’s just not a big deal.
Hell no. That just sucks. What BS.
The trust issue can be argued either way, just in terms of money. Do you trust your spouse to manage their own money? Do you trust your spouse to spend your money? Credit is the big thing unless you happen to be independently wealthy. If you are married it is shared, no matter how you choose to divvy up the accounts.
But trust goes to more aspects of marriage than just spending money and paying bills. If that is in question, money is the least of your problems.
Neither of us are “good” with money, but I’m a little better than he is. He can’t save – if he has extra money, he’ll find something to spend it on. So we keep separate accounts and have divided up the regular bills, more or less evenly.
I have credit cards but he doesn’t have access to them. When he did, he was taking his friends for $75 lunches. He had the “minimum payment is only $10 a month!” philosophy, in his 50’s, believe it or not. When his card got paid off, he didn’t get another one. Interest and finance charges were a total shock to him. Heck, when I first met him, he’d never ever balanced his monthly bank statements.
If we had had joint accounts, we probably wouldn’t be together. This way, we have no disagreements about finances. He has enough money to pay his share of the bills and for walking around, and when he takes a job (he’s retired but works seasonally, part-time), he can spend that money however he likes.
No, we don’t, at least not in North Carolina where I got married.
This sounds like the arrangement we had in my marriage, too. Main account, satellite account that was solely his.
It saved my marriage since he was a spendthrift and I am… not.
For those who keep seperate finances, how wide is the gap between incomes? If wide enough how do you keep similar lifestyles? One makes more and has more disposable income so they get to spend more on themselves?
We have separate accounts and credit cards and it has never been an issue. I personally don’t care. I think my name is on his accounts so if something happens to me it will be easier, but I couldn’t tell you how much in in there. We have separated the bills, he earns more so he pays more. His expenses are house related and mine are day to day and kid related.
Neither of us are big shoppers and we don’t have any debt besides a mortgage, so its not like either of us have to worry that the other is spending us into oblivion.
If I end up quitting my job to be a SAHM or go to part time, we may reconsider, but for the time being we are happy just the way we are.
I make far more than my wife, but also foot most of the bills. We share expenses including whatever the kids need more or less proportionally. Her only “bills” as 'twere are groceries and half the phone bill and the gas she burns in her car. The only reason she has half the phone bill is because they (her and two teenage daughters) insisted on having the latest iPhones with all the bells and whistles, and my corporate account was the best deal we could get for that. Not having ever done the actual math however, I suspect I pay proportionally more towards the family expenses, overall. MUCH more.
We have somewhat of a mixed system. I still have my bank account from premarriage (I added his name), which my paycheck goes into, and from which I pay my student loan. Twice a month, he deducts a chunk which goes to our joint account. He pays all the bills and does all the finances (minus my student loan payment), which is all done through our joint account. We also have a joint savings account, and joint stock portfolio/account thingy. There are good reasons that I don’t handle the money. I am certainly smart enough to understand all that shite, I just simply can’t be bothered.
Basically both of our names are on all of the accounts. He leaves me about $500 in my bank account at all times to use how I please, or for emergencies. I can view our joint account, and all other accounts online at any time. For whatever reason I never look at our accounts really. I would like to say it is pure trust, but really it is probably more abject laziness.
I had some credit card debt and student loans when we got together. So I remember being very apprehensive about combining our finances (some shame and some independence factors there). But I got over it pretty quickly.
Ultimately, my husband could be nefariously funnelling money into an account I don’t know about to support his coke habit/mistress’s rent/gambling debt, and I would never know. But I suppose he deserves it for being my personal accountant. 
Keeping seperate accounts doesn’t, in our case, mean that we live seperate lifestyles.
I make far more money than my wife ever did (she lost her job in the recession and decided to take some time off working to be with the kid - I can support everyone). I automatically transfer a certain amount to her account every month; if she needs more, she has but to ask. She knows more about financial matters than I, so all of the investment accounts except my RRSPs are in her control; if I want to know about them, I have but to ask.
We discuss all our major purchases together.
Totally Together.
nothing separate (except investments.)
Before we got together he saved < 0% 
He had credit card debt, owed the IRS, owed the State…uggh. what a mess.
He said it was due to his now ex-wife.
Apparently true. Since we’ve been together he’s saved 20%/yr of his salary.
Everything’s been better than good.
My wife told me the only reason she works is so she doesn’t have to ask me for money.
We were in our mid 30s when we married (4.5 years ago). We lived together for a couple of years beforehand. We discussed a joint account after the wedding for about 2 minutes and we agreed that it was way easier and more comfortable to stay the course.
We have similar incomes. Our accounts are separate. We divvy up the bills. We kept our own credit card bills. He pays the mortgage and the phones. I pay the rest of the utilities. We file taxes jointly. He keeps our emergency fund. I tend to pay the bulk of vacation costs, but that varies. Groceries, entertainment, gifts, clothes, gas, etc. are all case by case.
We pay bills on time or fess up. There’s no embarrassment or grumbling if one needs to “borrow” from the other.
It all works out. Money can be stressful, but our situation is decidedly not.
We think of it as our money, but we each have our own responsibilities.